Falling

Chapter 13

Margaux’s POV

The cold air burns my lungs.

Or maybe that’s just humiliation.

Either way, I can’t seem to stop shaking.

I can’t fathom how stupid I feel right now.

Noah still has one arm around my shoulders trying to comfort me.

While I -

Well I am upset about another girl kissing Dean.

Go figure…

“What’s wrong?” Noah studies my face.

Well if only it was that easy to explain.

Imagine…

Well Noah I have had a crush on you since forever and all of a sudden I accidentally might have caught feelings for Dean -

Feelings?

I don’t know if I would call them feelings…

And we nearly kissed but then his ex kissed him and now my heart is shattered.

Yeah, that won’t glide well off the tongue.

So instead -

I settle for -

“I am just not having a great night, that’s all.”

If only it was that.

Noah’s gaze is still fixed on me.

Concerned.

Studying me.

Noah doesn’t say anything because Dean still hasn’t left.

His watching.

Waiting for me to.

Studying my interaction with Noah.

Because that’s Dean.

And when I look at him…

His eyes are soft.

Teary?

I can’t tell in the dark.

He looks so hot.

So f*****g hot.

His hair is a mess.

His cologne fills the air.

Is it wrong to feel so attracted to him after he just broke my heart into pieces…

How did this even happen…

Fuck!

“Hey man, can I get a minute with her?” Noah asks Dean.

Dean ignores him.

His eyes are still fixed on me.

“I’ll see you later, okay?”

Dean’s eyes stay fixed on mine.

Waiting.

Like he’s hoping I’ll say something.

Anything.

Tell him it’s okay.

Tell him I don’t hate him.

Tell him to stay.

I don’t.

Because I don’t trust myself to speak.

The silence stretches.

Then Noah shifts beside me.

Subtle.

Protective.

His arm still around my shoulders.

“Dean.”

Dean’s gaze finally drags away from me.

Slowly.

Like it physically pains him.

“What?”

Noah’s jaw tightens.

Aggressively.

Rude.

Firm.

“I think she needs some space.”

Dean laughs once.

A humorless sound.

“Did she tell you that?”

The question lands harder than it should.

Noah doesn’t move.

“She didn’t need to.”

The air suddenly feels heavier.

Thicker.

Dangerous.

I glance between them.

Dean’s shoulders are tense.

Noah’s expression unreadable.

Neither looks willing to give an inch.

“Tonight isn’t about what you want Dean.”

Ouch.

Dean actually flinches.

Tiny.

Barely noticeable.

But I see it.

The words hit their target.

His jaw flexes.

Hard.

For a second I think he’s going to snap back.

Instead his eyes flick toward me.

And whatever he sees there seems to deflate him.

Just a little.

Enough.

Enough to hurt.

Because suddenly he doesn’t look angry.

He looks miserable.

But…

Noah doesn’t back down.

“She’ll talk to you when she wants to.”

Dean laughs.

Bitter.

Then -

Then he looks at me.

Those eyes.

Those God damn eyes.

“Well then I’ll be waiting.”

Gentle.

Patient.

He turns his back.

Walking towards to the back door of the karaoke bar.

I can’t help but feel like I piece of my heart walked away with him.

I watch him as he leaves, it feels wrong but it feels so right.

And Noah -

Noah is still looking at me.

Really looking at me.

Studying me.

Trying to figure something out.

“What?”

He hesitates.

And that alone makes me nervous.

Because Noah isn’t usually hesitant.

He’s thoughtful.

Careful.

But not hesitant.

“What?” I repeat.

His gaze drops to the ground.

Then back to me.

“You looked upset before Georgia kissed Dean.”

My stomach drops.

Instantly.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I was tired.”

“You weren’t tired.”

I laugh.

Too quickly.

Too loudly.

“Margaux.”

My name comes out gentle.

And somehow that’s worse.

Because it means he’s serious.

I stare straight ahead.

Determined not to look at him.

Determined not to have this conversation.

Unfortunately Noah is smart.

Annoyingly smart.

“You have feelings for him.”

My feet stop moving.

“No.”

The answer comes so fast it practically trips over itself.

Noah’s eyebrows rise.

“That was immediate.”

“Because it’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

He studies me.

And I hate it.

Because Noah sees things.

Things I don’t want people seeing.

“You were crying.”

“Yeah, but not because of that!”

“Are you sure?”

“I am 100% sure!”

I am lying through my teeth.

I know something is going on between myself and Dean.

I felt it.

He felt it.

His expression softens.

“Margs?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t cry like that over a guy you’re not invested in.”

I cross my arms.

Defensive.

“Wow. Thanks, Dr. Phil.”

A tiny smile appears.

Then disappears again.

Because he’s still looking at me.

Still concerned.

Still trying to understand.

“Well then, if you’re not interested in Dean, do you want to get out of here?”

I swallow.

A week ago this would have been my dream.

A week ago I wouldn’t have believed my eyes.

A week ago I would be fantasising about Noah and how good he would be in bed.

I would have craved for his hands to trace my body.

Captivated by his presence and his music.

Right now…

I don’t know.

But this is my dream.

He is the guy I wanted for so long.

I do want him.

I’ve always wanted him.

“Where will we be going?” I tease.

Something wild flashes in Noah’s eyes.

Something mischievous.

Something dangerously attractive.

“How about my place?”

My knees grow weak because as he says it he has a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

Am I going to have s*x with Noah tonight?

Absolutely not!

But will we kiss?

Maybe…

Maybe this is what I need to get Dean Mother f*****g Sinclair out of my head!

And Noah…

Fucking hell -

He looks so hot.

“Do show me your courters.” I answer playfully.

Noah smiles.

He stares at me.

Then his gaze drops down to my lips.

Oh f**k!

Heat creeps into my cheeks.

My heart is racing.

His eyes are soft.

Wild.

His makes eye contact with me.

“Margs?” He whispers.

“Noah.”

He leans closer.

Oh f**k.

Fuck.

Fuck.

He places his hands at the back of my neck.

And just when I think he’s about to kiss me…

His head pivots towards my ear, his eyes looking behind me and he whispers in my ear -

“You know he’d hurt you.”

“And I wouldn’t.”

What the f**k!

But his right…

Dean will hurt me.

That’s what Dean does.

Dean is a f**k boy.

This feels so right.

I have been waiting for this moment forever.

But -

I can’t help but think of Dean.

Oh f**k that!

Dean probably didn’t think about me when Georgia ate his face.

Come on Margaux shove it down.

Twenty minutes later…

I don’t know how I end up at Noah’s apartment.

One minute I’m crying outside a karaoke bar.

The next we are sitting on his couch watching breaking bad.

Am I interested in the show?

Absolutely not.

Am I watching it because he likes it?

Absolutely.

He’s so easy to be around.

No pressure.

No confusion.

No emotional whiplash.

Just Noah.

Steady.

Safe.

Reliable.

The exact opposite of Dean Sinclair.

Which is probably why I keep thinking about Dean Sinclair.

Stupid.

So stupid.

A few minutes later Noah hands me a giant bowl of popcorn and settles beside me on the couch.

Not touching.

Not crowding.

Just close.

Comfortable.

The way Noah always is.

An hour later I’m curled into the corner of Noah’s couch.

Watching the last episode of this horrible show before I plan on heading out.

A blanket over my legs.

Noah’s attention to the show is undivided.

My phone buzzes.

I don’t think much of it.

Until I see Anna’s name.

Which is strange, because I told he I am leaving the bar with Noah but will be back by 23:00 and it’s currently 21:30.

Then I open the message.

And immediately sit upright.

ANNA:

HOLY s**t.

ANNA:

DEAN IS HERE.

My heart stops.

Actually stops.

Noah notices instantly.

“What’s wrong?”

I stare at the screen.

Unable to breathe.

Unable to think.

Unable to function.

ANNA:

HE JUST SHOWED UP AT THE APARTMENT.

ANNA:

LOOKING FOR YOU.

My stomach flips.

Violently.

Noah’s expression changes.

Concern replacing confusion.

“Margs, everything alright?”

Despite everything -

Despite the heartbreak -

Despite the humiliation -

I almost laugh.

Almost.

Then another text appears.

ANNA:

I TOLD HIM YOU WERE AT NOAH’S.

My eyes widen.

“Oh my God.”

Noah sits forward.

“What happened?”

I swallow.

Hard.

“Dean went to my apartment.”

The words sound surreal.

Like they belong to someone else’s life.

Not mine.

Noah freezes.

Just for a second.

Then -

He goes very still.

He leans back.

Nods once.

“Of course he did.”

My stomach twists.

“What does that mean?”

Noah laughs.

But there’s no humor in it.

“Nothing.”

He sounds upset.

Trying the cover it up…

Another text arrives.

ANNA:

HE LOOKED ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE.

ANNA:

LIKE REALLY MISERABLE.

ANNA:

LIKE KICKED PUPPY LEVEL MISERABLE.

ANNA:

ACTUALLY WORSE.

I stare at the messages.

My pulse pounding.

Dean came looking for me.

Not texted.

Not called.

Not waited until tomorrow.

He came.

Physically came to my apartment.

After everything.

After Georgia.

After Noah.

After I walked away.

Why?

The question pounds through my skull.

Why?

Noah is watching me carefully now.

Too carefully.

Like he already knows exactly what’s happening inside my head.

“What are you going to do?”

I look down at my phone.

At Anna’s messages.

At the image forming in my mind.

Dean standing outside my apartment.

Looking for me.

Finding Anna instead.

Finding out I was here.

With Noah.

Something twists painfully in my chest.

Because I know exactly how he must’ve felt.

The same way I felt watching Georgia kiss him.

Noah sighs softly.

And when I glance up, there’s something annoyed in his eyes.

“I need to go.”

Noah already knows.

I can see it in his eyes.

He knows I’m leaving.

Not because I have somewhere else to be.

But because Dean showed up.

And suddenly I feel awful.

Noah gives a big sigh and gets up from the couch.

“If that text hadn’t come through…”

My heart stops.

“What?”

Noah’s gaze holds mine.

“Would you still be here?”

Silence.

Thick.

Suffocating.

Because I don’t know the answer.

Because my heart is suddenly doing something dangerous.

Something stupid.

Something I promised myself I wouldn’t let it do.

Because Dean Sinclair came looking for me.

And the terrifying part?

For the first time all night…

I wanted him to find me.

A week ago I would’ve chosen Noah without hesitation.

Without question.

Without looking back.

But tonight?

Tonight Dean Sinclair showed up at my apartment.

And somehow…

That was all it took.

Because the terrifying truth isn’t that I might have feelings for Dean.

The terrifying truth is that Noah just gave me everything I thought I wanted.

And I still want Dean.