Mentally in love

Chapter four - Trying to survive

Dean's POV:

Three weeks have left me until I go home. I'm still thinking about what to tell my parents. I have lied to them for five years. It's more like hiding. No matter what it is, I still shouldn't have done it. I thought that people here could help me. They are trying everything, especially Brianna. We have had many conversations. Listening to people's problems is her job, but she is good at this. The woman knows what to say to make you feel better. Sadly, it doesn't work for me. I mean, not the way it is supposed to. The keeping a good mood thing is only temporary. It barely lasts me a day. Sometimes, we talked more than once a day. I don't know how she manages to take care of everyone. Each patient is different. Also, there are some crazy people here. That's why one girl has an imaginary friend. When I came here, I was wondering who she was talking to. Brianna told me the story. The woman never had real friends growing up. Her parents were treating her horribly. Now, she doesn't speak to anyone else besides her imaginary friend. According to her, this is the only person who treats her well. Let's say that she might have trust issues. As I have said, there are different people here. Jeremy finally opened up about his past in front of me. Now I feel like my problem is not that big. He was beaten up by his parents a lot. I have heard about many cases of kids mistreated by their parents. You shouldn't have given birth if you don't want to have them. It's easy. I don't understand why they have to put their anger on the kids. I mean, as if they are guilty of everything. Well, it's easy to blame someone else. I'm glad that I never had to deal with this. Honestly, I don't know how I ended up in this state. My childhood was good. I have played with kids in the park. When I grew up, something snapped out of me and made me look at things around me differently. I hope that when I go home, I won't feel the same.

I'm counting the days until I have to go home. I don't want to leave this place. The thing is that I can't stay here forever. I don't feel better, and it looks like I'm taking advantage of the people who work here. They take care of me as if I'm their kid. I appreciate it, but it's not right. Someone else might need to be here. If I try to do something again, I can always come back. Hopefully, there won't be a need for that.

I woke up and checked the time on my phone. It was 7 am. Breakfast will be soon, but I'm not hungry. I don't remember when was the last time I had an appetite. I lost this thing a long time ago. Honestly, I eat only so I don't get sick. Otherwise, I wouldn't have put a single piece in my mouth. Finally, I decided to get up. There is nothing better than fresh air. That's why I decided to go to the backyard. No one was here this early. At least I can be alone for some time. I was sitting on the ground when someone came.

- Good morning, Dean.

- Oh, hey, Brianna.

- How are you feeling today? Are you excited to go home?

- Not really. I don't know what to tell my parents.

- Why don't you try with the truth? Tell them where you have been. I'm sure they will understand.

- I can't believe that it worked.

- What worked? To get here?

- Nevermind.

- I know your parents didn't sign these documents. At least, they haven't read them.

- They didn't.

- That's why one look at you is enough. People might say whatever they want, but their eyes will always tell the truth.

- Why did you decide to work here? You could've had an office in the center of the city.

- I did.

- Really?

- Yes, but it wasn't for me. People come and go. I wanted to know what they do and how they feel when we don't talk. That's why I'm here. I observe the people every day.

- Don't you get bored?

- Not at all. I want to know that my work will pay off.

- It does. You are great at this.

- Thank you. Said from you means a lot.

- I mean it. Even though I don't feel better, I will miss my conversations with you.

- You can always come here to find me if you need something.

- I still don't understand why nothing works.

- I have been thinking about it as well.

- And?

- Maybe I know why therapy is not helping you.

- Why?

- I think you need to see yourself through someone else.

- I have no idea what you mean.

- Look, I'm trying to say that if you meet someone with similar problems, maybe this will make you realize what you have been doing. That way, you will see where you struggle.

- Do you think this will help?

- I can't be hundred percent sure, but yes. I think so.

- How can I find someone with similar problems?

- That is something I don't know. I will tell you one thing. It will happen when you don't expect it.

- When is that? What if I have to wait years? Brianna, I want to get better.

- I know. You have put a lot of effort into this since you came here. The fact that you took this decision is a big step forward.

- I won't be so sure.

- Promise me you won't try to do it when you go home.

- To do what?

- You know what I mean.

- I'll try.

- Dean, please. Don't destroy your parents' happiness.

- It's not easy.

- I understand, but you have to fight, ok?

- I'll do everything I can to stay clean.

- You have a little brother, don't you?

- Yes, Leo.

- Do it for him. He doesn't need to see you like that.

- I'll try my best.

- I hope so.

Brianna and I talked for a while. Later, we went for breakfast. Jeremy was already there. I'm glad that he opened up about his past. It's not easy to talk about such things. Maybe I can't help him, but at least it will make him feel better. Since I started talking with her about my problems, I feel good. Well, even if it's temporary. Sharing what is bothering you is not that bad. That also depends on the person who is listening to you.

After breakfast, Jeremy went to his session with Brianna. Most of the people were outside. I saw Lia sitting alone. Well, with her friend. I can try to talk with her, but I don't think she will let me get close. Well, it doesn't hurt to try. The sad part is that she is my age. I mean, she is too young to feel this way.

- Hi, Lia. Can I sit with you?

- Bri, can he sit with us?

- Am I allowed?

- She said yes. You can sit over there.

- Thanks. How are you and Bri?

- We are good. Both of us we'll go to play out later.

- That sounds fun. What will you play?

- Run and catch.

- Great. Why don't you invite someone else to join? It's always better with more people.

- Bri doesn't like strangers.

- I see. Does she like me?

- Bri, do you like him?

- Well?

- Yes, she does. She trusts you enough to let you join our game.

- Really? Thank you. I would love that.

I chatted with Lia and Bri. Technically, it was only with Lia. Bri doesn't exist. Honestly, I feel sad for her. The imaginary friend is her only one. She has no one else here. I should say that it was hard for someone to talk with her. Lia always pushed people away. On lunch, I went to sit with her again. Surprisingly, she let Jeremy too. I guess Bri is in a good mood. He was even invited to the game this afternoon. Lia might be twenty-three, but she is acting like a ten-year-old. I don't blame her. The girl didn't have a childhood.

- I feel honored to be here. - Jeremy said, chuckling

- Hey, she has no friends.

- That is her choice. I won't be her friend.

- This girl never had a childhood.

- What?

- Brianna told me. I asked about the girl who talks to herself all the time.

- I didn't know that.

- That's why we can't judge people here. Also, everywhere else. We don't know their stories. Most of the time, Lia was at home. She had to do chores at home, like cleaning, washing the dishes and the clothes, and cooking.

- What kid knows how to cook?

- Well, she had to learn. Lia never had a single toy.

- You are kidding me.

- I don't. Now, she probably has trust issues.

- Now my problems seem minor.

- Same here.

- Are you ready to play? Bri won't wait long. - Lia said

- Sure. Let's go. - I said

- Bri is already running. Try to catch her if you can. She is fast.

- That will be interesting. - Jeremy said

- After an hour, she will get tired.

- I hope so. I don't want to run after Bri all day.

- You can't do it.

- I know.

Jeremy and I played with Lia and Bri for an hour. The girls were tired. It's weird to talk with someone who doesn't exist, but at the same time, it's sad. Lia doesn't have other friends. Maybe one day she can find some, but first, she has to get out of here. I don't think she is ready to let go of Bri. That is the only person who listens to her. I think I know how to get her attention. Jeremy went to take a nap. I saw a stuffed bunny in the playroom and took it with me. Then I went back to Lia.

- Hey, this is for you. Of course, you can share it with Bri.

- Really? It's so cute. Thank you. - she said and hugged me like a little kid hugs their parents

- You're welcome.

- Bri and I will take a nap. Will you have dinner with us?

- With pleasure.

- Yay! See you soon. - Lia said and left

The pain in her eyes was visible. She was almost about to cry when I gave her that bunny. Maybe her inner child and the adult fight over who to take dominance. I was about to go to my room when I saw Brianna. She smiled and came up to me. We didn't have a session today because we talked a lot in the morning.

- Hey.

- Hi. It's a shame that you will leave soon. I think you can help her.

- Who? Lia?

- Yes. You and Jeremy are the first people who she let play with her and Bri.

- Will she ever let go of her? Bri doesn't exist.

- I don't know. It will be hard for her. Even if Bri doesn't exist, she is the person with who she finds comfort and understanding.

- Some people can physically give her that.

- Dean, Lia doesn't see the difference between reality and the imaginary world. For her, Bri exists.

- You can help her with that.

- I tried to talk only with her, but Lia always brought Bri.

- I see. Maybe I can do something while I'm still here.

- That's what I'm hoping for. She looks close to you. Just don't let her get attached.

- Why?

- Because you will leave soon. It will be another person who walks away from her.

- I get it. I will try to help by keeping a distance.

- That's it.

- It won't be easy.

- I know you can do it. Also, this will help you.

- I know.

Since everyone was taking a nap, I decided to do it too. It's not like I fell asleep. Brianna is right. This is like a distraction for me. I still don't feel better, but at least I don't think about it that often. Somehow, I have to make this mood permanent. I can't go back to where I was. It was enough that I tortured my parents for five years. I don't want them to worry about me again. There must be something I can do. I will need some time to make this happen.

I woke up for dinner. Sometimes, you can sense the smell from the rooms. I don't know what the food is. It smells so good. I got up and went to check it. Lia was there, eating. Bri is probably with her.

- Hey, Lia. Is Bri with you?

- Yes, she is right here. - Lia said, pointing to the chair next to her

- Good. Do you like the food?

- Yes, it's good. I like mashed potatoes.

- Me too. Does Bri like them?

- She likes everything. You too.

- Thank you.

- Hey, guys. - Jeremy said and sat down

- No! Get up. You sat on Bri! - Lia shouted

- I'm sorry. I didn't see her.

- Bri, are you ok?

- Really?

- Keep it cool. You know about her condition. - I said

- That is ridiculous. Bri doesn't exist.

- What? Bri is here.

- You better shut up. Otherwise, we'll have problems.

- Ok, fine.

We ate our dinner peacefully. Jeremy wasn't in a good mood. Maybe he had a bad dream. I don't know if he has done something else in the afternoon. When he finished eating, he left. I wanted to go after him. The thing is that I couldn't leave Lia alone. I saw Brianna. One sign from her was enough for me to understand that she would care for her. I looked at Lia and noticed the bunny I gave her. At least she likes it.

- I see you took the bunny

- Yes, it's so fluffy. I love it.

- I'm glad that you like it.

- Can you read Bri and me a bedtime story?

- What?

- Please.

- What is your favorite fairytale? Cinderella?

- Who is that?

- You don't know who is Cinderella?

- No, is she a girl?

- Yes, one beautiful girl. She is even a princess.

- Really? What is her story?

- You can ask Brianna.

- But I want you to tell me. Please.

- Ok, ok. I will tell you later.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Bri is excited about this, too.

- Great.

Somehow, I convinced Lia to make Brianna tell her a bedtime story. Of course, she had to ask about Cinderella. I can't believe she doesn't know who this is. I wonder if she knows what a fairytale is. Well, I have to be away from her. Once she gets attached, it will be harder for me to leave. She is a good distraction for my problems, but they still exist. I can't forget about them. Maybe when I go home, things will be different. I want to see Leo. He probably grew up so much. I don't know how he will react to this. I hope that he won't hate me about it. I want us to keep the good relations which we had.