The Journey Series

CONFUSION

Belle

Fipa keeps on bugging me to tell her what’s going on but how the hell should I tell her things that I myself am so confused about! What I know is his being with Lee ignited something different from me. I’m not sure if I’m just infatuated or I’m just being carried away with his characters on his drama but I am so confused and I hate it. I’m beating myself up. I’m convincing myself that I’m happy with Henry, our relationship is okay. Henry is not the kindest and sweetest person I know. He is even on good terms with Nana.

I looked in the mirror to check my swimsuit when I saw Belle and my cousin were so hot! I chose to wear this color today ‘coz I know my skin looks good with this color. The question is who am I showing this off? Fipa removed my crazy thoughts when she asked me about something then she asked again and that’s where I told her that I will tell it all at home. I just want to remove my stress today. 

As soon as we went outside the powder room I spotted Henry and Lee talking and drinking beer. It was Lee who is facing our direction. He stopped a bit and looked at me. I feel kinda conscious of the way he looked at me. Is there something wrong with what I’m wearing? Why is he wearing that kind of angry look? Anyway, Henry just looked back and waved his hand at him. “Darling! Come over here!”, he shouted.

I went to them while Keith just grabbed Fipa away from me. Henry offered me juice and I sip a little. I feel like I want to drink beer as well to calm my nerves. Lee’s gaze is grazing through my skin and I’m having goosebumps. Damn! This man has this kind of effect on me. I wonder how much more I would feel if he held my hand or kissed me. I’m quite afraid to think of that. Fipa saved my ass by splashing water on me which gave me an excuse to join her and Keith in the pool.

“Mind if I join you?”Lee asked me. “Sure! It’s fine. By the way, have you tried the dessert we made? It’s just a no-bake tiramisu cake, I hope you like it”, I told him.

“Really?! You made that, I loved it! It was that dessert I’ve been munching on while chatting with Henry and Keith. “ 

“I’m glad you liked it!” 

Henry went on our way to join us after talking over the phone. “Darling, I’m so sorry but my group mates need me with our project today, they can't somehow get what I was instructing them to do. I need to go and meet them. Could you do me a favor? Can you give lee a ride? He didn’t bring his car today.”

“It’s okay, priorities first. Do you like to have a quick snack before you go or I could make you a to-go meal so you don’t need to buy on your way?” I asked him and all this while Lee is just in the corner and I can still feel his warm gaze.

“I’d love some club sandwich please. I’ll just take a quick shower and leave,” he quickly went to the outside shower room and I quickly prepared some sandwiches for him. After a few minutes, Henry grabbed me in the corner and hugged me, and then kissed me and said “I’m really sorry to hang you up like this, Darling. I promise I’ll make it up to you and please accompany Lee on my behalf. Love you!”

I waved Henry goodbye and went back to the pool with the group. I was thinking about what I’m going to say to Lee to start our conversation. I feel awkward. I’m scared that he will see how much or how strong his effect on me.

Lee

I'm not sure if I can see through Belle right. I am not sure as well if she feels what I'm trying to hide from the moment I met her. It was my trust time to feel this such strong emotion and I feel really jealous whenever he is with Henry and I kind of wish it was some holding and kissing her. The color of her swimsuit suits her skin tone really well. I can't stop staring at her and thinking of bringing her to Jeju island, just me and her. I am the type of person who doesn't really believe in love at first sight but THIs happened. I can't stop thinking about her. I want her to be mine so bad and I feel guilty for thinking this way for my friend's girlfriend. I am also afraid to fail since it is my first time to feel this strong connection. Belle makes me feel happy, even for a short span of time being with her alone last time. it feels like I've known her for so long. Just when I'm trying to suppress my feelings, Henry has some issues from his project and needs to leave and then he f*****g left me with Belle and the rest of the group. Here I am trying to stop the crazy feelings I have and then Henry and I will get to spend some time with Belle again. I can't trust myself not to show how much I care for her. I'm afraid that I fall so hard and destroy what they have together and also, I know that I'll leave pretty soon after my hiatus.