I am the Light - His last Redemption (Book 2)

Chapter 10 - Lifetime

Nightshadow POV

I shake my head violently as a feral growl escapes my lips. My paws hit the ground running. Fast enough to escape my hopes and dreams. They vanished when Mika took her last breath and now, they keep mocking me. Haunting me like a pesky ghost that won’t leave me alone.

“Hellu? Hellu dada?” the child's voice sings into my head. Over and over again. I can’t tell whether it’s a boy or a girl and frankly, I don’t care. I know that he or she is not real. There was a time when I thought about having a family with Mika. I thought about us being happy.

It was foolish. How can someone like me be a father? How can a man with a tainted wolf make anyone as pure as her happy?

“Here are you?” the voice asks again, “mommy looks sad. Is she sad?”

“Shut up!” I growl, “leave me the f**k alone!”

“Bad word,” the little voice says stunned. Trembling a little at my outburst. Some deeply rooted instinct tells me I’ve gone too far. But the line between me and my wolf is blurred. We are one, yet we are not. It’s like a crumbling construct. Slowly rotting away and falling apart.

The world around me is dying and so am I. I can feel it and I am not fighting it. My body is strong, but without my soul intact I am wasting away. I probably could fight it, but what’s the point?

It’s funny how I never gave my future much thought. I knew that I would be the Alpha of my pack one day. I didn’t necessarily want to be Blake’s successor, but it was the way it was supposed to be. And then Mika stepped into my life and I wanted nothing more but to protect her. The only way to do that was to become the wolf I was born to be. He knew that and her presence made the Alpha inside of me spike up.

And this is the worst part of losing her. I failed to protect her. I failed miserably, so why would someone like me deserve a happy ending?

I slow down when a thick fog rises out of nowhere, making it hard to see anything. I lift my muzzle and smell the air, walking slowly now to get a feeling of my surroundings and the lurking danger.

A rotten stench clings to the air mixed with sulfur. By now I am familiar with that smell and I don’t care much about her presence. The witch means nothing to me. She uses me for my darkness as much as I use her for hers. It fuels something inside of me. A hunger for power.

My wolf growls in warning as I hear an agonized moan. Pain fills the air and the scent of blood drifts through the fog. I don't rush. I keep at a steady pace to see what the witch is up to.

Her silhouette appears in the distance, blurred out of shape by the thick fog. Voices fill the air. Whispering and hissing in a forgotten language.

I watch as black shadows mix with the white fog, melting into one large humanoid figure walking towards the kneeling witch. “Yes,” she whispers, “I want that.”

A soft whimper and the figure bursts into a crumpled heap.

“Thank you, master,” Adeline says and reaches out for the thing in front of her. “Breathe!” she commands and the thing in front of her rises to its full height at breakneck speed.

It’s tall but hunched over, his shoulders rising and falling heavily. I am not sure what I am looking at. I know it’s not good, but what do I care? I turn away to head back to the village, but I snap a branch under my paw, and the beast she just created snaps its ugly head in my direction.

“No!” Adeline screams, but it’s too late, the thing is coming for me. I duck under the large body, but its long, sharp claws dig deep into my back. My wolf howls in pain, but the pain only fuels our rage.

I don’t hesitate to attack whatever this is. It looks like a human, but at the same time, it does not. Its face seems to have a long snout and sharp teeth. Almost like a wolf.

I sink my teeth into its throat, but it claws violently at me. I feel the pain and it’s a welcome feeling. It’s one way to die and death seems like a good alternative to this meaningless life. I am no alpha. I am nothing.

“No!” Adeline screams but the beast's blood mixes with mine as both bodies collapse on the ground. “What have you done?” she yells, but I don’t care. How could I if my body starts feeling lighter than it ever had?

“Finally,” I spit blood from my muzzle and nose. One last breath and I will see her again. My mind fills with thoughts of her. The sound of her laughter, her voice, her beautiful wintery scent. I can almost see her face as comfortable darkness engulfs me. And I welcome it. It’s a different kind of dark. It doesn’t feel heavy, it’s light and washes away all the guilt, regret, and pain.

A glowing figure, surrounded by some kind of mist lights up the darkness. At the edges of the dark, I can see something moving. A woman sobbing, her face smeared with dirt, in her arms a tiny bundle. I see her running and handing the baby to a man with stormy blue eyes. Blake. The boy grows up in a new world. He’s happy, except for the weight of his heritage weighing on his little shoulders. Determined to keep standing straight he follows the Alpha everywhere. Eager to learn. Eager to become a good soldier. A good leader.

I see his first time turning into a wolf. The creature is skinny and standing on wobbly legs. I see him running. Grown-up and a powerful wolf. I see him trapped and rescued by the most beautiful girl in the world.

“It seems like a long time ago, doesn’t it?” the woman asks, her voice soft and melodic. I know who she is, yet I fail to find the words to greet her. I know I should bow and pay my respects, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember that I swore revenge. I swore to find her and to punish her for taking what I loved the most away from me.

“I asked you to have faith, Nathaniel,” she sighs, and the pictures surrounding her fate away. All that remains is a silver light, giving her a soft, but cool glow.

“Faith in what?” I ask, feeling the heaviness seeping back into me. She doesn’t answer, she just offers me a sad smile. “You took everything from me! Why would I trust you?”

“Because I asked you to,” she says, “your mate had faith in you. Until the very end.”

“Don’t talk about her,” I hiss, feeling the hair on my back rise. A snarling, bone-chilling growl sounds next to me and for the first time ever I see my wolf. Apart from me. He’s huge and he looks dangerous, his eyes glowing a shade between red and golden.

“Where is she?” I ask.

“Follow me,” she says unimpressed by my wolf's aggressive growling. I hesitate a moment, but I don’t even have to walk, the darkness around me seems to be moving at a sickening speed. Even the wolf next to me whimpers and sits down, so he doesn’t lose his balance.

Snow surrounds us and in the middle of the woods lies a body. Naked and cold. Three women in colorful cloaks hurry over and check for any signs of life. One with long red hair drapes her cloak around her body. There are no scars, but I would recognize her anywhere. Her pale hair fades into the white of the snow.

“Mika?” I whisper and take a step closer, but the scenery starts to move faster. The women take her to a village. They heal her and she wakes up. I see her walking around, talking to people. Time flies by and the next thing I see is her standing by a large, crystal clear river.

Her hair has grown longer. Hanging over her shoulder in a messy braid. The red-haired woman steps up next to her, smiling gently, while Mika's hands caress her pregnant belly. I feel jealousy seeping in. But my wolf stands, his attention on his mate and her hands. The voice in my head. The child.

“This can’t be,” I say, “why are you doing this to me?” I ask, sinking to my knees. Unable to bear this. I know I have done bad things. I know I am not a saint and I sure deserve punishment, but this is beyond punishment. This is torture of the worst kind. Showing me nothing but a dream. An illusion of what could have been. “Please,” I cry, but the scene changes again.

A cabin, lit by candles. Mika’s exhausted face, her hair wet from sweat, but in her arms lies a sleeping baby.

“Mine,” the wolf next to me says, his voice similar to my own, yet different.

I watch her take care of the child and how he grows up at breakneck speed. He’s walking now, always smiling. His dark hair is like mine, but his eyes are his mother's.

“Where is he?” I ask, searching for the Goddess, “how is this possible?”

She appears next to us, her hand reaching for my wolf, taking him in with a look of pride. Her slender fingers run through his thick fur. I can feel her touch on my skin at the same time.

“I asked you to have faith,” the Goddess says, “but you gave into your darkness instead. Mika asked me to give you a mate, she asked me to make sure that you are okay. You have a mate,” she says, “but the rest wasn’t up to me.”

“Is Mika alive?” I ask and the Goddess nods.

“I held her when she died. I buried her body. How is she alive?”

“As I said. I asked you to have faith.”

I am losing my patience, “what the hell does that mean? It was a test? See if I caved and become... become the one thing I never wanted to be? Why would you want that? Why would you want me to be a killer?”

“I wanted you to be who you felt you needed to be,” she says, “I needed you to make a choice. Give into the dark or become the Alpha you were supposed to be to your pack.”

“So, what now? Why are you showing me this? To torture me?”

“To make you understand what you have to gain,” she says, “Selencity is falling, and darkness is growing stronger with every passing day. I can feel it. I feel it weakening me.”

“So, you need my help? Is that it? What does it require this time? Another unbearable sacrifice. I am not going back to her if you are going to take her away from me again! Hell, I will do anything to stop you from getting anywhere near her or… or my son!”

The Goddess sighs, she almost seems tempted to roll her eyes at me. “As always, you fail to see the bigger picture.”

“Enlighten me then,” I growl at her. Her eyes flash with anger and the pictures around me fade away. The village I just saw turns into a burning ruin. Screams fill the air. Creatures chasing scared people. They tear them apart. Blood sprays everywhere as their sharp teeth sink into their flesh, devouring them in seconds.

A limping figure hurries through the chaos. I know him. The Hunter. He’s holding on to a child in his arms. The child is screaming in agony. Pain. Loss. His silver eyes shut, while Cillian tries to shut him up. “Please, you need to be quiet!”

“Mooommmyy!” the boy screams at the top of his lungs. I want to reach for him, take him from the Hunter, and protect him with my life, but I can’t. He and Cillian move away and I find myself in a destroyed cabin. Mika’s body bloody on the floor. Next to her Logan's wolf. Are they with her? Both of them?

“What is happening?” I ask, panic rising in my chest, as I try to get to Mika. But I can’t move.

“The future,” the Goddess says.

“No!” I say and a small, triumphant smile creeps over her lips. A painful tear that seems to split my body into two has me screaming out loud. I hear my wolf release the same kind of agonized sound, as we are shoved back into the same body.

The scream echo through the emptiness of the woods as I wake up in a dried puddle of blood. Rotten scent all around me. My entire body aches, but something has changed. Something inside of me has fallen back into place, desperately holding on to something I can only describe as hope.

“Mika!” my voice is raspy, and I can barely move my body, but I am determined to find her. I have one mission and one mission only. With an agonized groan I pull myself up from the ground and try to get moving, but my body is weak.

I make it to the next tree before I fall and pass out. I need time to heal. Time I don’t have. I have wasted too much of it already and I hate myself for it. Hate that I didn’t listen to Mika when she asked me not to give into the darkness. I should have had a little more faith. Like she had in me. I failed her and I’ll probably need a lifetime or two to make up for my mistakes.