I am the Light - His last Redemption (Book 2)

Chapter 9 - Bad Word

“What do you think?” Willa whispers into my ear. She’s been fidgeting next to me for the last five minutes, while I’m checking on the Hunter's injuries. Most of them have healed, but the one on his stomach isn’t looking good. I ignore her and dip my fingers into the healing water before I let it drop on his torso.

“Is it inappropriate for me to say that he’s freakishly hot?” Willa asks, “I mean, you see this, don’t you?” she asks pointing at his nicely sculptured body. I smile but stay silent. I’ve never seen Willa so obsessed with a boy. Except maybe River.

“Is he going to be okay?” she sighs as I guide the water down his abs to the wound.

“He will, if you’d let me do my work,” I chuckle and she grins sheepishly at me.

“Sorry. I just really… I want to talk to him.”

“Uh-uh, I can tell,” I laugh and watch her cheeks flush a light shade of pink. She just shrugs and carefully trails her fingers over Cillian’s hand.

I wish I could remember him and tell her whether he’s a good guy or not. I know that I’ve trusted him, but there’s something bitter lingering beneath that trust. I just don’t know why and what it means.

„It’s still a little weird to see you do that.” Willa and I both look up to see Logan walking up to us. He looks exhausted.

“Magic?” Willa asks with a defensive tone, “what’s wrong with it?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just not used to Mika using it,” he says, “it’s impressive. You never cease to amaze me. Everybody, as a matter of fact.”

I just smile, but stay focused on healing the Hunter. I know Willa wants him to wake up and his body needs help healing. He needs me and from what I’ve heard he saved my life.

The water on my hands starts tingling and a small groan escapes Cillian. His eyes open for just a moment and they find me first, then Logan. He looks confused and lost.

“Mika?” he whispers before he falls asleep again.

“He doesn’t understand,” Logan sighs, “he was there when you died.”

“If you think her using magic is weird, try her not dying,” Willa says, “I’m still trying to figure that one out.”

“We all do,” I sigh and lift my gaze to meet Logans, “River’s been asking for you.” A smile lights up his tired face. “Do you want to come over? For dinner?” I have so many questions about my mate and where he is.

“Yes. There is something I want to talk to you about,” he agrees with a nod, “but you don’t have to cook for me. I can help.”

“Okay,” I smile, “I’d like that.”

Logan nods and with a glance at Willa, he walks away. “Are you dating the wolf now?” she asks me.

“What? No! I have questions, he has answers. And I think that we’ve been friends. Back when... I was still a wolf. Goddess-,” I say shaking my head, “-my life is giving me a headache. Everything I’ve heard so far sounds just so made up.”

“Are you okay? Dealing with all that stuff? I know it’s a lot to take in, but maybe they came here for a reason,” she says glancing at the sleeping Hunter, “it feels like the Goddess wanted them here. With you.”

“Maybe,” I say hesitantly, “but why take them from me in the first place? She could have just... I don’t know, not let me die and things would have been good. I’d probably be with my mate.” This is all so confusing and frankly a bit overwhelming.

“She works in mysterious ways,” she shrugs, “but I’m sure there was a reason. You might not understand it yet, but maybe one day you will. Did you tell River about his father?”

“He doesn’t understand that kind of stuff yet. He never asked about him. He’s too young, but one day he sure will ask about him.”

“And what do you think you will say?”

“Right now, I have no idea. Things are going to change. One way or another. I can feel it.”

“Yeah,” she agrees and goosebumps raise the hairs on her arm, “I can feel it too. Something is coming and I don’t think it’s good.”

“No,” I sigh, wondering if somehow the Nightshadow caught wind of me being here. What if he’s coming for me? And what if he's the evil we can sense in the clear, spring air?

I don’t want to believe that he’s evil, but Callie told me that he is consumed by darkness, which -to me- is the same thing. I know that he killed a lot of wolves. Maybe even humans. How does someone redeem such debts? Can he be forgiven?

The sun is just setting when there’s a knock on my door. River is excited to have Logan over, so he runs towards the door on wobbly legs. I’m not sure if I should scold him for opening the doors to a stranger, but I can’t bring myself to say something. He’s just too excited.

I smile when River raises his arms, demanding to be picked up by our guest. Logan does and listens to Rivers' random rambling. Seeing him with Logan makes my heart ache. I never thought that I needed a man in the house, but River needs a father. He needs someone who understands his wolf side. I can’t do that for him.

“Smells delicious,” Logan says, “I didn’t know you cooked. Then again, times were pretty hectic back in the day. And you lived in the castle.”

“A castle?” I ask with raised brows.

“It’s just a big mansion, but we called it the castle. It’s where our king lived.”

“He’s my father?” Logan nods. “Where is he now?”

“Grieving,” he sighs, “there’s only so much a wolf can take before he breaks. He’s still there, but he’s nothing but a shell of the man he used to be. He’s supposed to lead his pack, but no one has seen him since your funeral.”

“Is he alive?”

“I believe so,” he nods, “you don’t remember this, but his mistress was pregnant around the time you came to the city.”

“Oh?! Okay, so… What happened to her?”

“She gave birth to the child and she somehow thinks that she’s now entitled to rule Selencity. She’s not and it’s causing a lot of tension. Daphne is not a wolf and she’s not a leader. She just wants the luxuries of being a queen. The city and the packs are falling apart. There are fights between packs all of the time because no one is trying to keep the peace between them.”

“Are you?”

“I tried,” he sighs, “I tried very hard, but I’m not an Alpha. Not by blood. And after the war, my voice of reason didn’t count anymore.”

“Is that why you left the city and joined the Hunters?”

“Yes,” he nods, “a few wolves left with me, but they either found a new purpose or they went back. It’s not easy for a wolf to survive without a pack. We rely on it. On our families.”

I have read about this in one of my books. How a single wolf is most unlikely to survive without his pack. They have traditions, they have a community, and they have their primal instincts. They don’t belong in the human world. At least not entirely. There’s a part of their soul that is animal through and through.

“I think, Mika, it’s time for you to come home,” he says, making me look up at him in surprise.

“I am home.”

“No, this isn’t home. Our city needs you. The King needs to see that you’re alive and I am sure he would love to meet River.”

“Heet ho?” River asks, the mention of his name catching his attention.

“Your granddad,” Logan explains, but River's brows furrow in confusion, “you don’t know what that is?” Slowly the little boy shakes his head, “he’s your mom’s father and that makes him your grandfather.”

“hather?” he asks and the fact that he doesn’t understand the word breaks my heart.

“Your daddy?!” Logan tries, but River just turns his silver gaze on me, wondering what the hell Logan is talking about. “Okay, this is a conversation I probably should not be involved in.”

“I dono have daddy,” River says, making me sigh heavily.

“Yes, you do,” I tell him and run my fingers through his hair, “he’s just not here right now. He’s far away.”

“Hai?” River pouts, “I wanno see him. Tan I, mommy? Tan you tall him?”

“One day,” I sigh.

“Actually, River, you can call him,” Logan says and my eyes flick up with a mixture of panic and excitement. “With your thoughts,” Logan continues.

“Logan, no,” I whisper and shake my head. But I know it’s too late. River squeezes his eyes shut. His lips are moving a little, while he’s trying to send a message to his father. He’s trying to mind-link the wolf most people are afraid of.

Suddenly his eyes fly open and they fill with tears. I sigh and take him from Logan, “what is it, baby?”

“He sas bad word,” he whimpers, “he sas go way.”

“I’m sorry, baby. He’s... he’s confused. He doesn’t know who you are. How about you... do you want to help mommy cook?”

He sniffles a little but nods his head. I sigh and set him down on the kitchen counter. “He doesn't understand this stuff,” I mutter to Logan, “how is he supposed to? He’s still a baby!”

“I’m sorry,” Logan apologizes, “but I think Nate needs to know.”

“Nate,” I repeat his name. I’ve only called him Nightshadow, but that’s not his name. His name is Nathaniel. I remember that. Somehow.

“Can you tell me about him? Please?” I ask as Logan starts to help me prepare our dinner.

“You met him the night you tried to escape the Hunter's compound. Cillian told me that you had a fight and you started running. You never felt at home at that place and you dared to face whatever was out there for you. Little did you know, that you would run into a huge black wolf, trapped and angry. You decided that it was a good idea to free him and when you touched him the first strings of your bond formed.”

“Is that how it works? By touch?”

“I am not sure. I think it did for you because you haven’t accepted your wolf at that time. The bond was stronger for Nate and he felt you from that moment on.”

“Why can’t he feel me now?”

“I guess that your bond got severed. There is nothing left of it. He doesn’t know you exist. Once he sees you, he will be able to feel it again.”

I nod, imagining meeting him for the first time. A black wolf, snarling at me. But he won’t harm me. He knows that I am his mate. He will protect me. He’ll change back, once he recognizes me. He will come to me and kiss me.

“Nate took two wolves with him to find you. He knew you were in pain and he couldn’t handle it very well. At the time he didn’t quite understand the bond himself. Wolves haven’t been mated for a long time. There were no female wolves, so everything was very new to him.”

“Did he resist it?”

“You did,” he chuckles, “for a while. He tried to explain it, but he didn’t do a very good job. He marked you against your will.”

“Why?” I ask stunned, handing River a piece of paprika, and letting him munch on it. I can’t help but wonder if that was a warning sign. That he wasn’t a good man. No one I want anywhere near my family.

“Because he was afraid you would reject him. He felt awful for it. He was ashamed and you forgave him as you slowly started to understand the bond you shared. He loved you. More than anything. He would have died for you. He was about to, but then you decided that you would do the same for him. You sacrificed yourself to save him.”

“Why?” I ask again, feeling a bit silly for my questions.

“Because you loved him just as much as he loved you. I think... I think he would want to meet River. I know you’ve heard stories about him, but he’s not in his right mind, Mika. He has given up on life. He has nothing to live for. He needs you!”

“So, what do you suggest I do? Find him? Find my father? What am I supposed to do?” I am getting a little frustrated with this whole thing. Everything was okay before the Hunters came to our village. Now, why does it all have to change? Then again, wasn’t I asking for it? For my life back? For the hole in my chest to be filled?