I am the Light - His last Redemption (Book 2)

Chapter 7 - Light and Dark

I feel strange ever since Logan told me about where I’m from and what happened to me. I know he’s telling the truth, yet it feels like it’s nothing but a bedtime story. Not even a very good one at that.

There are so many things going through my mind right now. About my grandmother taking away so many things from the supernatural world, just to save me. It doesn’t feel right.

Who am I to be alive?

I glance over at my sleeping baby and a careful tear slips from my eye.

His father was my mate. I know what that means and that it’s probably a blessing that I don’t remember the bond we shared. I know it's beyond painful if it gets severed. What I feel is a longing for that missing part of my soul.

But there’s a part of him that I detest. The darkness he passed on to our son. It scares me because I don’t know what it means.

I can’t remember whether his father was a good man or not. Was he cruel? Was he loving?

Logan said that he loved me and that he wasn’t bad at all. He said it as if he was leaving out some critical information.

The worst part is that I’m terrified of the magic that courses through his veins. Through my babies. I hate that one day he might have to make a choice. How is he supposed to do that? How should he know what’s right and what’s wrong?

I am fully aware, that one day he'll be old enough to know the difference, but right now it just feels like he’ll never grow up. He'll always be my innocent, little baby.

I don’t know how to feel about this. Then again, I probably knew about his father's darkness and I still wanted to be with him. I accepted that part of him. Enough to take the risk and have his child. I wish I could remember him. Remember our relationship. But I can’t.

All I know is what a stranger told me and it’s not enough.

I sigh at the won’t knock on the door. Callie with her long red dreadlocks stands in front of my cottage, a basket filled with herbs dangling from her arm.

“I was just out collecting some herbs for the clinic,” she explains, “and I wanted to check on you and River. You seemed upset earlier.”

“I am,” I admit with another heavy sigh.

“May I come in?” she asks and I step aside to make way for her. “Would you like to talk about what you found out today?”

“Which part? The one where my grandmother killed the goddess in order to save me? How it messed up the entire supernatural world? Or the part about my mate? A man who might be the worst of the worst? Father if my son?”

“I see there’s a lot on your mind,” Callie smiles softly as she puts down her basket and heads into my tiny kitchen.

“Tea?” she suggests moving around the place as if she owns it. I don’t mind, I just sink down at my wooden dinner table and rest my head on my folded arms.

“I hate this,” I mutter, “I always knew I was missing something or rather someone, but now that I know-,” am I appalled? Am I unhappy? Confused! Mostly.

“Your mate is grieving,” Callie says while she works in the kitchen, “some wolves never get over the loss of their mate. It kills them. Slowly but surely.”

“So, he’s dying?”

“If he’s not fighting it, he probably is. I don’t know. All I know is, that he is out there. The Goddess mated you to him for a reason.”

“Did she though? She wasn’t there when it happened, so maybe it’s been a mistake?!”

Callie’s laugh makes me lift my head to look at her, “the Goddess was inside of you,” she says, “she was part of you. I don’t think she made a mistake. Besides, there are more things that make someone your mate. It’s not just a random connection between two beings, it’s more than just that. It’s fate and fate has nothing to do with the Goddess.”

“I don’t understand,” I say hesitantly.

“It means that –even when it’s not as common as it is with wolves- every living, breathing being on this earth could find someone special. A soulmate. It’s not a phenomenon exclusive to wolves, Lua.”

“I... I think my name is Mika,” I say hesitantly. They called me Lua, but now that I know my real name, I think I want to use it again. It’s the only thing I have left. Besides River.

“Mika,” she nods with an approving smile.

“I’m... I’m afraid for River,” I say, “I just wish I could remember his father. I always... I had a feeling that he was a great person and that he loved me, but now... I have doubts and I hate that I do. I hate that I can’t stop worrying about my baby being... he’s just so innocent.”

“He’s a baby. Of course, he is innocent,” she says and sits down next to me, “you can’t shield him from the future. You can’t make any decisions for him. He will find his own path in life; there is nothing you can do about it. You should worry about the present. The things that are right in front of you and what you’re going to do with them.”

“What do you mean? My mate? Do you think I should go and find him?”

“Do you want to?”

“I... I don’t know,” I sigh. A part of me desperately wants to find him. At the same time, I feel the need to protect my family. My baby. What if finding his father will do no good? What if it will hurt us? What if he will?

“Well, you should figure it out before it’s too late,” she says, “but there is more, isn’t there?”

“I want my memories back!” I sigh and tug on my almost white hair. It has grown quite long over the past years. Willa braided a few strands with blue threads that represent my magic. Witches like to do that. Wear something that identifies with their element. “I want to understand what all of this means. What happened to my wolf for example?”

“I can’t know for sure, but if what Logan told us is true and your grandmother was indeed powerful enough to summon the Goddesses powers in order to keep you alive, I assume that, when you decided to give what is hers back to her, she didn’t take your life, just your wolf.”

“But Logan said I have died?!”

“Yes, you have,” she says, “then again, you might not have.”

“This is giving me a headache,” I groan, “can you please explain how this is possible? Please? No riddles, Callie. I need to understand!”

“Being able to change you body and shift into an animal is very old magic. It’s a power only gods possess. The first wolf, a God named Faun, passed his magic on to his descendants. Wolves of the first pack. A pack filled with strong and beautiful Alphas. A chosen few were mated to humans. And with time their bloodline watered down. But one always remained. The Goddess made sure of it. One Royal wolf will always walk the earth.”

“And this wolf is still out there?”

“Yes, Mika and he is your father,” she says with a nod, “wolves refer to him as king. He used to have a council of Alphas surrounding him. He ruled over Selencity, before it was destroyed.”

“So, where is he now?”

“I am not sure, but I am sure Logan knows. Do you want to find him? He is your family after all.”

“So is my mate,” I say hesitantly. I say it without thinking and for some reason that makes Callie smile. “It feels a little strange to call him that,” I admit, “but... I can feel that my soul is missing... him.”

“Yes, that is how the bond is supposed to work,” she says, “I assume that when the Goddess took your wolf, she also took the mark you and your mate shared. He can’t feel you anymore. He still believes you are dead, Mika. Can you imagine the kind of pain he is in?”

“You haven’t answered how I am dead but not dead,” I remind her and she nods, taking a slow sip from the tea she made herself.

“As I said, changing the body into a different shape is ancient magic. As you are able to be one with water, a shifter is one with his wolf. Yet,” he holds both her palms open, “they are two separate things. Each one with a mind of their own, sharing one body. If you take away the magic,” she closes one palm, “all that remains is either wolf or human.”

I nod slowly, still not sure how that explains how I am alive, “the Goddess isn’t cruel. She was aware of your situation. She didn’t want to take your life. I can only assume that she already knew that your human body was pregnant. She didn’t want to take three lives. All she needed in order for her powers to be released was one sacrifice. One life.”

“And she took my wolf?”

“And she gave you a son. I told you there will always be one Royal wolf roaming the earth and River is what I like to call the next generation. He will have magic and he will have a wolf. He will be powerful. Probably one of the most powerful wolves in the history of their race. He will be blessed with both light and dark.”

“That’s a blessing?”

“The darkness is always misunderstood,” she says, “yes, it is drawn to chaos. It can be the source of evil, but it is only what we make of it. If we choose to use it to create evil, it will provide. But, without the dark, there is no way for the light to shine. We forget its value and light might as well turn into something foul.”

“That makes sense. In a strange way.”

“Darkness will become what we make of it,” she says, “so is the light. Water can be used to do evil,” she says with a little shrug, “you can control anything that consists of it and we all know that it is the essence of life. Eighty percent of the human body consists of water. If you take away just enough of it, he will die. The same goes for plants or any other living organism.”

“I never thought of it that way.”

“No, because you choose to use your powers to do good,” she smiles, “so will River.”

I nod slowly, hoping that she’s right.

“Your mate might be on a different path right now, but maybe, just maybe you can convince him to change his ways. Be the light he needs to be guided out of the dark.”

“Do you know who he is?” I ask with a little frown. Somehow it sounds like she does. Logan told me his name, but it meant nothing to me. I can’t remember a Nathaniel. I hate that I don’t because I am desperate to put a face to the name. To put a scent to him, remember the way he was when he was with me.

My body yearns for his touch. It is desperate for a simple look or a soft smile from him, but I can’t remember them. All I know is, that my heart thumps a little faster when I think about it. It’s like falling in love with an imaginary stranger. It’s weird. Because at the same time I am afraid of him.

“I think I do,” she says, “he might be the wolf they call the Nightshadow.”

He’s a killer. I don’t know much about him, just the stories people tell about him. He’s a wolf with issues.

“How do you know this?” I ask, hoping that Callie might be wrong.

“Because I think that my sister is with him.”