I am the Light - His last Redemption (Book 2)

Chapter 5 - Restless

Nightshadow POV

I’ve grown used to being restless, but tonight it’s bothering me more than usual. It’s like something is wrong, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s a feeling of distress and unease that weighs heavily on my chest.

If it’s quiet, I can even hear the sound of soft whimpering. From time to time my mind plays tricks on me. I hear voices that aren’t there. I hear a tiny voice humming an unfamiliar melody. Words brabbled into my mind that make no sense. Tonight it’s worse than it’s been in a while.

Without a sound, I get out of bed, not bothering to put some clothes on. My wolf is restless and he wants out. Why deny him his wishes? It’s the only time I can shut my mind off and let him take control completely. Become the animal that I am. A predator. Reduced to my basic instincts.

It's better than the emptiness inside of me. I don’t even know what I am waiting for anymore. I am alive. My heart is beating, my lungs are expanding, and my limbs are moving. But besides that, I feel nothing.

For a long time, it's been remorse and regret. The hard pain of losing a part of my soul. But all that is left now is a black hole inside my chest.

As soon as I feel the damp soil under bare feet, I allow my body to transform into that of a huge, black wolf. He has grown into a mighty beast over the past years.

I am the Alpha of the Rogues. I am their King, yet I have no desire to lead them. I am no leader. I am just next in line, and since those wolves follow the trail of fear, they follow me. Afraid to disobey. Afraid of what I might do to them.

I slaughtered a huge part of my father's pack. Everyone who dares to stand in my way. And Gideon -I made an example of him. I wish I spiked the head of his wolf as a reminder of what I am capable of. But I didn't. It was never about his pack, but about Gideon and he received the worst punishment possible.

The night is silent. A few wolves patrol the street, but they try to stay out of my way as my wolf struts through the town. The roads a broken, and nature breaks through each and every c***k it can find. Ivy is taking over the houses. Roots breaking through the ground and pushing whatever dares to stop them out of their way.

Windows are broken, but nobody cares to repair them. These Rogues prefer to stay in their wolf form. They are animals. Wild and untamed. Some left for the Selencity, others dared to challenge me and died trying.

I am not their leader. They just think that they are safe as long as I am around. No Hunter dares to come near us. They think it’s because they are afraid of us, but the truth is, they left because I didn’t want to talk to them. I didn’t care what they had to say. Cillian and his stupid mission to help free the world from darkness.

I can only laugh at that. I am darkness. It is my addiction. It’s the only thing that keeps me alive. Why the hell would I be interested in destroying it?

“Out for a midnight stroll, my King?” A hypnotic voice purrs into the night. I don’t see her yet. I don’t have to, I can feel her close by. Smell the familiar scent of burned-out candles. I know the stench of sulfur that clings to her like the dust to the streets of this town.

“I am no King,” I huff as she appears next to me. The black hood of her cloak covers her face, except for the lush lips, which are always painted with a dark shade of lipstick. Tonight, it’s a deep purple, matching her barely-there dress.

I don’t know what it is with witches, but they don’t seem to be too keen on wearing appropriate clothing. Then again, what is appropriate?

Her skin is covered in dark marks. Burned into her flesh. But instead of hiding her scars, she likes to put them on full display.

The jewelry she wears clinks with every step she takes. Her feet are bare on the rough surface underneath. If you strip yourself of all emotions and just live with whatever your body desires, everything becomes so simple. There is no right or wrong. No good and no evil. Things are just what they are.

Right now, I am looking at a half-naked body, moving fluently next to me. I see the sway of her hips and the knowing smile on her dark lips. I watch her black fingertips run down between the valley of her breast, purposefully reaching for an amulet that dangles between her barely covered breasts.

She is dark. She is a witch, feeding my wolf with power. I found her with a group of women, chained to a wall. Most of them were pregnant with Rogue offspring. They were barely there. Barely alive. Just enough to carry out their children.

In a spurt of hot rage, I freed them and chased them away. They reminded me of my mother. Though I have never seen her like that, I knew that her life must have been very similar to what I found that night. She lost her mind. Lost her will to live. Broken by my father's cruel ways.

I lost it that night. I killed every man on the premises. It was a bloodbath, and it was the night they gave me my name. Nightshadow.

I don’t care what they call me. I am no longer the man I used to be. I have become what the darkness made me. I am merely a vessel for it.

“Is there something on your mind? You are restless!” Adeline asks.

I am always restless. Always tired. Always wide awake. But when the child-like voice starts whispering mindlessly in my thoughts, it’s when I am at my worst. Short temper and fuming anger.

I don’t know what that voice is and where it's coming from, but I am sure its only purpose is to torture me.

“Tell me!” her voice echoes in my head. I know she forces her way in there and the only reason it’s working is that she is a dark witch and parts of her magic run through my veins. Yet, it feels foreign. Like someone calling into a hollow cave. The sound resonating off the walls.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business!” I growl and stalk in front of her. There is no way I let her demand answers from me. My wolf is too strong, too much of an Alpha to let her speak to me that way. As if I owe her. I don’t. She means nothing to me.

With a wicked smile, she lowers her gaze and slightly bows to me in submission. I am not entirely sure why she decided to stay with the pack. But she begged me to keep her. I’m not sure if she really was in distress, but I know she enjoyed playing the part. Looking at her now, with those barely there outfits and her confident, always knowing smile, I am sure she was never in any real danger.

She got her magic back after Mika’s sacrifice. Everybody got back something they’d been missing, while I got stripped of everything that ever meant something to me. Adeline was never helpless. Not after she got her magic back. Our wolves are drawn to her powers. Most of us carry parts of the darkness inside of us. After all, this is a f****d-up family.

It’s funny how, once upon a time, packs only consisted of family members. Exactly like this one. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but with this pack, everything just seems to be wrong. We are broken. Broken by a man who fed off the fear of his own children. A man whose hunger for power was insatiable.

“I just want to soothe your pain, master.”

Her words strike a chord with me. She dares to suggest that she has the power to take my pain away? No one has that kind of power. Not anymore. I shift back into my human form, my hand curling mercilessly around her slender throat, lifting her up so that just her toes touch the ground.

“Who do you think you are?” I hiss at her, “you think that anyone could take the pain away? You are not capable of such a thing!”

Unimpressed by my outburst she lifts her blackened fingertips to my forehead, “But I could be,” she whispers softly as my grip around her throat starts loosening. I feel a hot shudder run down my spine. It’s like someone hit me with a shot of some potent drug.

My vision blurs and the world around me turns white and the darkness is replaced by a soft glow. My hands fall to my sides as I watch the woman before me take a few steps back and as she turns around, her black figure turns into the one I am dying to see again.

Her white hair softly drifts in the wintery night breeze. Her bare skin is pale as she walks through the snow. I long to touch her. To feel her close again, I follow her like the mindless fool that I am. But I am desperate for her to be real.

I want to remember the taste of her lips. The feel of her skin. I want to hear her whisper my name and tell me that she loves me. I want her back and I would do anything to get that.

I try to follow her scent, but it’s not there, so my eyes follow what they see. My body moves back to my house where I find her, climbing onto my bed. She’s beautiful. Despite the scars on her skin. They never bothered me. They were just a reminder of how brave she really is.

“You are beautiful,” I tell her, waiting for her cheeks to flush a little, but she just smiles and crooks her finger at me, luring me closer. There’s no way I can deny her wishes and why would I?

Her touch feels foreign on my skin, but for a moment I am distracted by her silver eyes and the way they bore into mine. Searching for my soul. For the part of me, that is hers.

I lean in to run my nose along her neck. I need to smell her, need to fill my mind with her scent, but all I get is the burning stinge of sulfur.

With a frown, I lean back to look at her. Her image starts to crumple, and funny marks appear all over her skin. Her soft, pink lips turn dark. I growl at the woman appearing in front of me, my hands back on her throat.

“Don’t ever do that again!” I warn her, blocking the air from filling her lungs. I want to punish her. I want her to feel the same kind of pain as I do, but her hands push against my chest and the rage I am feeling subsides into emptiness.

“Don’t threaten me, wolf!” she whispers into my ear, but as my body goes numb and my mind turns blank, I am not sure I heard her right. This might all be just a bad dream after all. I wish it was and if not, I want it to be the last thing I remember. I want Mika to be on my mind when I take my last breath.

But I know I am not that lucky. I know that I will wake up in the morning and force my way through another day of darkness.