Her Sinful Mate

Chapter eleven

n a v e a h

After Lucian left the room , the sun had started to set and I was already tired of today's events . Laying down on the bed with the book in my hands , I feverishly continue to read . Younger me would have died of excitement right now . I sigh at the thought , a flood of memories invading my mind of when I was ten-years-old .

Sitting in the cold leather seat , I slightly sway my feet back and forth , waiting for my Father to come talk to me . I frustratedly blow my black strands of hair out of my face . I don't understand why mother forces me to wear pigtails , it makes my scalp itch . I fidget with my fingers as I peek up at the bookcase . Slipping off the chair , I pat down my purple dress before hesitantly walking to the rows of books , nervously flicking my eyes toward the door to make sure I won't be caught being disobedient . I stare up at the books in complete awe , reaching out to get a closer look at them . Standing on my tip toes , I slowly pull the huge book off the shelf , nearly letting it tumble to the floor because of the weight .

I sigh , trying to move the strands of hair from my face with my arm . Huffing , I stare down at the book , my eyes slowly roaming over the strange and dark carvings on the book . I briefly flick my eyes back to the door , before gently opening the book and turn to the first page . Just as I start to read the first set of words , the door bursts open . I gasp , jolting back in fear while letting the book go . I stare at my father with wide , teary eyes , watching him slowly look down at the book that is now on the ground before he turns his scary eyes back to me .

"Naveah ," He sneers , slamming the door closed which causes a squeak to burst from my throat . Father doesn't like it when I touch his things , he gets so angry with me sometimes that he'll lock me in my room or send me to that scary , dark place . "You just never learn , do you ?" He roars , his nose flaring as he stares down at me with a snarl . He bends down and picks up the book that I want to read so badly .

He slams the book down on his desk and I dart my eyes down to the ground , clasping my sweaty hands together in front of me . Father is a scary man , but even more so when he's angry -- and he's always angry . I don't know why . "How many times do I have to tell you to not touch things that don't belong to you ?" He asks darkly , a tear rolling down my cheek before I even realize that my vision is blurred with tears . I sniff , raising my shaky hand to wipe away the tear before he can see me crying .

"You're weak and disobedient . First edition books like this should not be touched by filthy children like you !" He bellows , watching me with a displeasing glare . I wring my hands together , willing myself to stop crying . "If I catch you touching my things again ," He drawls out , gripping my chin to look at him . I blink the tears away rapidly , pressing my quivering lips into a thin line ."I will lock you up in the dark place . Do you understand ?" He sneers , letting go of my chin .

I nod . I hate the dark place , it's too cold and dark .

I clench my jaw at the memory , slamming the book closed as I sit up straight . My father was a cruel man , he yearned to be feared and at the end , he truly was feared by many -- including me .

I angrily stand from the bed when tears start to blur my vision , rapidly blinking them away as I make my way to the bathroom , ripping off my clothes along the way .

I turn on the faucet of the shower , stepping into the spray of water before I sink down to the ground , my back leaned against the cold wall . The water dives into my hair , completely consuming me as my body quivers with silent sobs . I hate feeling like this , vulnerable and weak . He did this to me , my father made me this horrid person that can’t feel emotions and when I do , I feel completely overwhelmed . A violent sob bursts from my throat , I raise my hand to my face and clasp it over my mouth , afraid that someone might hear me crying . I raise my knees to my chest and lean my head against them , sobbing .

Sobbing for the little girl I used to be , the little girl that got thrown into a basement for days , only because I showed any emotions . I’m sobbing for the little girl that had to go through so many things at such a young age . I’m crying for the little girl that only yearned for love and affection , yet got ordered to train day and night and got forced to feel absolutely nothing . I’m sobbing for myself right now , I’m sobbing for the person I could’ve been if I was just loved as a child . I’m sobbing for the person I could’ve been if I wasn’t forced to take a life at the age of seventeen . I’m sobbing . For the first time in forever , I’m allowing myself to wallow in pity for what could’ve been .

I gasp for air , clutching onto my legs as my body shakes brutally . “Naveah ?” The faint call for my name slides right into my one ear and out the other . My chest feels heavy and tight , as if someone is pressing onto it . The sobs bursting from my throat sounds like a cry for help , for someone to come rescue me from this reality I’m living in . “Naveah !” The voice sounds closer , familiar and deep , but I can’t bring my tears to an end , I can’t will my body to calm down .

“f**k sakes ,” The voice says before I feel someone sitting down next to me in the shower, pulling me between their clothed legs and wrapping their strong arms around my trembling , naked and soaked body . I gasp , the water spluttering down on me , washing away my tears as the person pulls my head to their clothed chest . “Calm down , Naveah .” He whispers against my hair , his voice raspy and cold as the water . It’s Lucian , Lucian Martinez is holding my naked body against his clothed one as the water surrounds us . I tighten my hold on my legs , leaning against Lucian as his gloved hands run through my soaking wet hair , trying to coax my sobs to stop . But they don’t , they won’t .

“Naveah , you’re okay , it’s okay . I’m here .” He whispers in a raspy voice , tightening his hold on me before bending his knees at either side of me . He pulls my head up gently , leaning my body back against his bent leg at my back . He holds my face between his gloved hands , his gray eyes boring into mine with such intensity that I blink rapidly . I close my eyes as more tears stream down my face , the water hitting my face and running down along my tears .

Lucian is soaking wet in his clothes , his hair sticking to his forehead as water trails from his hair down his face . “You need to calm down , Naveah . Breathe ,” He instructs , running his thumb over my cheek , soothingly and slowly . The leather of his gloves feels strange against my skin but I still lean into his touch , inhaling a deep breath through my nose . I don’t avert my eyes from his , I couldn’t even if I tried to , the emotions swimming in his gray eyes are so captivating that I refrain from leaning forward to grasp onto them . It’s so different from his cold and reserved gaze , it’s beautiful to witness .

“That’s it , breathe .” He murmurs huskily , prompting me with his eyes to continue inhaling large amounts of oxygen and I obey . Gently running his thumb over my bottom lip , he sighs before pulling my head back to his hard and broad chest . My head rests just above his heart and I focus on the steady beats of his heart and the raise and fall of his chest as he breaths . The tears and anxiety have stopped momentarily , replaced by the soothing strokes of Lucian’s thumb on my cheek and the peace I feel with him surrounding me .

Lucian is my peace in this very moment , he’s the serenity I’ve been yearning for . Only in this moment . Because I know everything will go back cold glares and petty insults tomorrow . But , with his strong and large arms wrapped around me in this very moment , I sigh and lean into him more , yearning for him to glue back every broken part of my heart and emotionless brain .