Becoming me

The room was oppressive. Sweat pooled at my collar and my dark hair frizzed mercilessly. I was way at the back, almost it of sight, not at the front with the rest of my family. No one needed to say the words embarrassment. It sizzled of me. Disappointment- followed me around. Pathetic- such a wet blanket. The rest of the Worldly’s sat right at the front- tall and proud each one equally striking in their own way. Mother- Elaina, Chief Magical Law Enforcement Officer, elegant and severe, Wizlock alumni class of 2000. Father- Jasper, Director of Experimentation, wild tufts of orange hair exploding from his head, Wizlock alumni class of 2000. Sister - Saskia, recently appointed apprentice to the 5th Warlock, Wizlock alumni class of 2020 (first in her class obviously). And there they were, all rapturously applauding as Simon- my elder and annoying brother took to the stage as he too became part of Wizlock history. My family are truly a force, great at everything, beautiful, supremely powerful. Everyone loves and worships them. The Witch and Wizarding world bow down to their greatness. As do I. Back to me. At the back , half hidden by an ancient stone pillar. They didn’t send me back here, in fact, I know there is a seat waiting for me in the front row (reserved don’t you know). But equally, they never looked for me when I didn’t sit in it- they don’t seek me out. If I’m there I’m there, and if I’m not… we’ll it’s probably for the best. I clap politely as the next wizard takes the platform to receive his diploma. The ruffles around my collar feel uncomfortably tight. Glancing down at my dress I sigh, rolls of baby fat bust through the dresses seems and everything pinches where it shouldn’t, this had seemed like a good choice of outfit- demure, unobtrusive, but now I feel like a prize hog ready for the spit. I tug at my collar, feeling the damp clamminess of my neck. I’m desperate to be out of here. My family are still at the front, cheering on all the other graduates, surely there can’t be many more to go. To my left I spot an emergency exit and gingery make my way to it. I’m so hot I swear I can see stars now. My head feels light and I’m desperate to be out of the auditorium. Trying not to barge into anyone, trying not to draw attention I stumble along, my head spinning more and more with each second. I make it to the door and lean heavily on the bar till it jolts forward. Freedom! I bold through the door and shut it again quickly, leaning on the cool, hard metal. I breathe a sigh of relief in the darkness and my head starts to clear. “You shouldn’t be here,” a cold voice suddenly breaks through the quiet. “I can smell you from here, places like this aren’t for the likes of you,” I gulp and peer around. I don’t see anyone but then again they doesn’t mean anything around here. “You stink, you sweaty, hot pig.” The voice seems closer- I swear I can almost feel someone breath on my face- but still I can’t see anyone.. I tremble, frozen to the spot. “I don’t know who let you in here,” the voice continued “but it’s wrong. You don’t belong here.” Something sharp and cold begins to scrap across my cheek, slowly, deliberately, I stifle a moan. “No one would miss you” the voice mused. “No one would think anything of it. You reek of disappointment and mediocrity. It pours out of your skin, it’s disgusting. You are a disgusting, pathetic human” the breathe now feels close to my ear and whatever was grazing my cheek is now pressing hard at my neck. I squeeze my eyes tight and gulp my breaths down. “I’m not!” I rasp, “I’m allowed to be here, I deserve to be here” “Being allowed and deserving are two very different things” the voice rippled cruelly “and I think we both know you don’t belong. Even if you didn’t smell like a stupid human, just look at you” Despite myself, I glanced down. Shame filled me. He wasn’t wrong. Not only did I not have the stunning looks of my family, but truth be told I didn’t have any of the usual markers of our kind. I looked like a typical, pathetic human girl. “Please just let me go,” I whisper into the void. I know he’s near, the pain in my neck is still there. “Please….” He chuckles softly. “You really aren’t any fun are you? What will you give me for your life?” I gulp. Sweat begins to brad on my forehead. “Any-“ his had aggressively cups my face and all at one he comes into view. The glamor fades. And my. Standing in front of me, bearing down is easily the most beautiful male I’ve ever seen. Violet eyes dancing with flames, pure white glistening hair, perfectly swept to the side, full dangerous lips curled in a sneer of distain in spite of myself I gasp. I take in his body, he’s tall, everyone of our kind is but he’s really tall and has abs straining agains his suit shirt. His skin glistens with magic snd I know he is one of the most powerful abs dangerous wizards I have ever met. “Well?” He probes- his eyes boring into me as though they might set me a light. He raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow abs runs his tonge like a snake across his too white teeth. I’m officially to scared to move. The thing pressing into my neck now regains my attention- a wand. Very few have those. “I…” I begin, but then the door behind me moves. I stumble forward and have to place my hands on his chest to stop myself. The look of revulsion in his eyes as I fall into him is grounding. “Ugh!” I hear him cry. Behind me people are surging through the door- jostling and bustling us. I’m still standing with my hands on his chest- his wand is still at my neck - ready to…. I don’t know what he was planning. “Conan!” A female voice shrieks! “What are you playing at ! Put the poor girl down abs come here at one!” Conan. Conan Sorn. Son of the first Warlock. I gulp. He sneers at me, tosses me aside and goes to join who I can only assume to be his mother. Over his shoulder he mouths the word “pig”. I feel my heart die a little inside. I’m used to the insult- but for some reason it seems to hurt more this time. When I finally catch up with my family again, it seems they barely noticed I was gone. “Oh Simon, you looked wonderful up there! I really could have wept with pride!” My father beams at him wrapping a beefy arm around his neck and ruffling his hair. “Jasper!” Mum’s tone is cool and full of warning. Now isn’t the place for rough housing, not in front of so many. Times like this we need to look our best. “Elle, what is the matter with your dress?” She reaches over and tries to straighten me out, “I really thought you would begin to grow upwards this year instead of …” she trails off and purses her lips “yes…. Well….” She continues producing a hair tie from her bag and quickly and elegantly scraping back my frizz ball. “Much better”. Saskia, long red shimmering hair (with no sign of frizz at all) cranes around the crowd. “I thought I saw some of the Warlocks here. I really should go and see if any need assistance you know, as an apprentice I’m always on call…” I rolled my eyes. Saskia had always followed the power and any chance to boost her position was worth it, whether on the clock or not. “I know the 1sr Warlock’s son was in Si’s class” Dad uttered. “Didn’t place as well as our lad here though!” He ruffled Simon’s hair again as Simon pulled an embarrassed face. “Yes, we are expecting great things from Simon,” Mum nodded approvingly. Saskia wasn’t listening. She was still peering over the heads of the masses looking for the all important warlocks. “Can we go home soon?” I wondered out loud, the main event was done and dusted after all. “No! It’s great darling! Doesn’t it make you long for your graduation? This will be you in 6 years time! “ “Doubt it!” Saskia blurted out then covered her mouth sheepishly. How very unsaskia like, mum shot her a look. “Sorry,@ she added hastily, “of course you will be here…” By now I was as red as a tomato. She hadn’t uttered anything I wasn’t thinking myself- how could I, the most in magical witch there was (and even calling myself one was pushing it) go to the greater school of all time? How could I with no discernible magical ability join the ranks of the best and brightest of our generation. “Of course you will be here.” Mum reiterated firmly. “All Worldly’s are great wizards and witches. They would be luck to have you… even if….” I stood, waiting for the blow. “Even if you are a little remedial right now…” and there it was. But in truth, she was right- I had no magical ability, Conan could tell that by simply smelling me. I smelt distinctly human, I was lacking spice and perfumes and glitter and cinnamon and fire and daisies abs all the other wonderful magical smells. Okay smelt like sweat and even deodorant couldn’t cover up my stench to the wizarding world.