Bratva Mother

Sibling Memories *edited

Carol isn’t sure if she likes her mother knowing of her pregnancy, so far Jessica has had a variety of emotions concerning being a grandma. From being disgusted, enraged, to accepted. It could have been because her precious boys were on board with the pregnancy and being uncles. It also could have been because two of her boys have already been helping Carol leave her husband and hide. Carol isn’t sure if her varying emotions were ok or not. She will keep her eye on her and watch.

Her brothers were ecstatic for the coming baby. They were on the fence about a boy or girl. On one hand they can teach a boy to hunt, fish and be rowdy. While they could spoil a girl like the princess she was. Give her dresses, dolls and the best of both her heritage.

Carol was amused with her brothers and spoke up about their expectations. “Guys, don’t you think it is a little hypocritical of you to call my girl a princess but I’m lazy? Or how you’ll teach my boy hunting and fishing when I know all that and do it better than all you?”

This made them all stop and give her pikachu faces. Despite being Jessica’s favorite children, Carol was Sesi’s favorite among her many grandchildren. Carol never knew why either, just that her grandma preferred her company over the boys.

Sesi taught them all hunting, fishing and trapping. Taught them all to dog sled and to make tools for everything they needed. How once you kill an animal you honor it by using everything you take from it. She taught them about their people, their beliefs and how to survive. Carol learned it all like her brothers, she was just a natural about it. It was learning the language that was tricky for her.

But out of all the siblings, Carol was the only one who was traditionally given her native name. Her brothers all named themselves, which today isn’t unheard of. It is actually common today. Waiting for your elders to name you is starting to be uncommon. Carol believed in spirits and her ancestors over a god or gods. Her brothers follow the catholic faith.

She won't bash them for believing differently. There are so many differences between the boys and her.

Jessica didn’t like the tone Carol had with the boys or that she called them out on their misogynist ways. She was gearing up to start shouting again. When Travis said, “Baby sis, dad treated you like the princess of the family. He used to tell us ‘If she cries, you boys will be whooped. She is your sister, your one and only sister, protect her.’ God, trying to keep you from crying was a chore. None of us wanted to deal with. So once out of sight we would outrun you so if you cried it wasn’t our fault.”

Then Phillip followed up with, “You were always whining about playing tea party or happy family or some sh**. We didn’t want to. Do you remember the time you got me and Junior here into princess dressed with makeup and all? I do not think I saw dad go so red before.”

To pile up complaints Junior came up with another thing to it all. “It didn’t help that you were good at almost everything you tried. School, native traditions and figuring out all those puzzles grandma gave us. The only thing we beat you at was Native Youth Olympics (NYO) and most of the PE games we played.”

All this was shocking to Carol, she didn’t think they were jealous of HER, if anything she was jealous of them! The green monster has a way of messing with people's heads, that's for sure. She thought about everything they brought up and shifted through her own memories of all those times. They aren’t wrong about anything they brought up.

Their dad was strict with the boys when it came to her crying and why. If he found out it was because of bullies and they just stood there doing nothing. Oh boy, she was surprised they could sit at all after the butt whooping they got. After coming home one too many times with tears in her eyes or her dad catching said bullies in the act, her brothers started to pull away from her.

She thought about the time she finally got her way playing a game she wanted after so long of playing Indians and cowboys. Or pirates looking for treasure that was in areas only she could get to, then be left there when they ran off while still up area’s she should not have been climbing on. She remembered she started to cry and yell telling them it wasn’t fair they played games they wanted when she didn’t have a sister to play her games.

That all she wanted was to try the new princess set her dad bought her. There were three dresses, crowns, heels and all; one blue, one yellow and one pink. But there was only one girl, her. She was still crying when she was told to be quiet and they would play her stupid game if it got her to stop crying all together. She was happy to finally play one game she wanted. She was all done dressing them up when her dad walked through the door.

He stopped dead when he saw his three youngest in the princess set he bought his daughter. He went pale, then red and then purple. Carol was now a little scared of her dad and hid behind her mom. She was laughing of course saying it comes off easily and to calm down. While her dad looked like an angry bull huffing and puffing to see two of his boys in dresses and makeup. It was the last time she asked to play any game she wanted.

Then there is the matter of school itself. Yes she found school to be easy and relatively unchallenging. She was no Einstein or anything like that. She liked to ask questions, like the whole process of finding answers. If no answer was found, in books or online. She did her own experiment. For example her middle school teacher said, “Pumice stones sink in water after seven days.”

Carol, knowing that volcanoes form near the ocean but also have fresh water around them, asked, “Is that freshwater or saltwater?” There were no answers to that question in the textbook, online or anywhere else. So Carol made it her science fair project.

She knew that Frank Jr struggled with school because she helped him often figure out his homework. She didn’t think her other brothers struggled with academia too. It is also true she struggled with NYO and some of the PE games they played.

She is no slouch and can handle herself, but hanging from a horizontal stick by her wrist hurt, especially since the people holding said stick were moving across the room as you hung there. Her skills in basketball or baseball were horrible. She is no sports fan and never really tried to learn the game.

No, she preferred her thoughts over physical achievements. She didn’t think that her brothers envied her for her academents or how their father doted on her a little. He hated to see her cry, true. But what good father likes to see tears in any child? Plus he knew Carol was being bullied and just wanted to make sure she was protected. No one would mess with three over average boys, hence they were never picked on.

Carol sighed, sat on her bed and looked at all her brothers. She supposed to make sure the new generation was thriving and not scared of old grievances, she should start to explain it all. She did just that. Explained their father finding her being bullied. That if they were fathers, would you want your kid bullied? That it hurt they all pulled away from her because she was bullied, something she cannot control.

How she envied them for having each other and playing all the games they wanted because of each other. While she had to wait her turn, she had to finally break down and cry just to play one game she wanted. That seeing their dad turn into a purple bull scared her so bad she never asked to play any of her games again. That yes school work was easy to understand, trying to do the PE side of things with half the school hating her for another thing she cannot control wasn’t fair.

All she wants to do is ment the rift so her child will have healthy relationships with their uncles. They don’t have to forget their suffering growing up, but they aren’t the only ones who suffered. Carol was holding back tears at this point.

Travis tried to hug her and she scooted closer to the pillows to get space. He means well, but he cannot just trauma dump things on her and expect her to bounce back as a happy-go-lucky woman.

They all looked ashamed at each other, but were tongue tied on what to say to all of that. If they put themselves in dad’s shoes…. No, they wouldn’t want their baby girl to be bullied and if there was a boy around, they would do the same their dad did. Warn them/him to protect her. She is right, it wasn’t her fault she was bullied. She was more confused about what was going on than they were.

Especially with all of them pulling away from her the way they did. Being better at school wasn’t her fault either now that they are grown men and can admit it. School is good for some people and hell for others. They were just the people where school was hell, while school was good for her.

Travis said, “Baby girl, I cannot rewrite history; just learn from it. We are bad brothers, I can admit to it. The last several years of little contact makes sense. I can’t speak for the other two, however, I am here for you. I helped you across the country after all. Can we try to be better siblings? I would like to get to know the new addition to the family.” He gestured to her belly.

Junior then sat at the end of the bed and looked at her. He also was holding back tears. “Sis, I hid a lot from you just so you won’t look at me differently. But while you were gone on one of your school trips when I was 15, I was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). Turns out, if I get overwhelmed I shut down. No one could get me to come out of my head that whole month you were gone. But…. you knew nothing and were still able to help me answer everything. Made me look at all the questions in a new way. Something no one, not even mom could do. I had everyone frustrated that month. It is no excuse for shutting you out. But I know you sis. Your friend didn’t say a word about what you needed out at camp. But I knew what to do and what to set up out there. Please don’t shut me out. I am not good at showing you, but I need my sister just as much as my niece/nephew in there.”

Phillip leaned against the desk provided in the room and seriously looked at her. She supposed his military training kicked in. “Sissy, we all made mistakes and we all have a lot to make up for. We guys have to do better with our communication and you with not being a silent people pleaser. I would like to get to know the little one growing in our little sister. If you’ll let us. If you’ll be okay with it, I want to accompany you to your doctor appointment. See if this person has pointers for us to support you and baby.”