shades of Life

confession of dream.

it's about abroad so I don't think so they will let me go.

why it's really hard to ask them.

I called a friend of mine with whom I am really close with.

Maren!! I have something to tell you

yeah!! tell me Aiyana

I applied for UK universities and I get in.

oh my god really!! in which university? and so when are you leaving to UK?

you went to far lol.

I didn't told about this to my parents.

why?

they will not allowed me. I am really afraid to ask them.

listen!! nothing goes if you ask them.

they are your parents at all they will listen to you.

just tell them when they will be in good mood.

I don't think that they will let me go and my father he will never.

what if they think that I am shameless and how I can ask to go to somewhere out of state when they don't even let me go to somewhere close alone.

you are up to this again. just go and ask them. tell them you worked hard for this and that this will make your future. let them know clearly your future plans.

should i?

yes!

- I was afraid ,but Maren motivated me now I was ready to tell them.

it was in evening while on dinner table I told them.

' I have something to say.

they were silent busy eating their meal.

I broke the silence again.

I got accepted to a University for management major.

that's good how much it's per year. my father said.

i received scholarship.

how would I have said them that it's more than 25000 euro per year for me. I am sure if I will tell them this than he will throw his food on me.

okay so you received a scholarship is it fully funded?

yes it is I would be just needing 1000 dollar for other things.

1000 dollar? for what? for books? since when it gotten that expensive.

I want to say one more thing.

just say everything at once why this small talks.

my mother said.

it's in abroad ( I said out loudly in a faster tone).

what? in abroad? are you serious?

my father's face was showing clearly the sign of "no".

it was hard for me to apply and it's a rank University with 12 percent of acceptance rate so it's really a big win for me.

my mother said that ranked University doesn't matter it's abroad which is the problem. she said we will not even gonna let you go to another state and you are dreaming for abroad.

it was how I imagined. they will not only disagree but also will demotivate me.

with a sad face I came back to my room with no dinner. I lost my appetite.

I applied to abroad because I wants to stay alone for a period of time. I am really tired and stressed because of my environment. it's not easy for me to survive every day here but I am still surviving here. there is nothing else I can do. my brother is in a college and living in a hostel while he is still a boy who can go out whenever he wants to and can stay with his friends home at night while I can't do any of these.

it's always is in my mind that what if my parents would have behave good with me I would never have to think of living alone but living alone is all what is in my mind. it always feels like lonely with them so I want to go with alone. this feeling is killing me and I am dying little by little. all I have is this room to stay quiet alone for a time. I love night so no-one can see me and I hate when it's morning. I have to see the faces which I hates me and have to pretend all day. being a different person in this body like a parasite ,but luckily it's night now I can live for a while. I want to spend this hours for myself.

and that's how I pass my night daily ,but like how they say " no Matt how dark it is sun always rise again" and it rise again on my face.

I don't know once I will get out of this door what I will get to see as always I opened my door and come out of my room for one more sad day of my life and it's my mother infront of my door standing with a straight face.

come here!! she said.

are you applying for visa or not?

you said me last night a "no"

so, how dare I can.

see I will talk to your father. I just got to know that the Universit you for accepted to us really a rank one.

my friend's son applied there too but he got rejected even his grades was high and her mother was really upset because of this.

she always used to brag about him ,but now if you go I can do the same.

-so that's the reason behind your acceptance of this.

does that Matter? what really matter for you is that I am supporting you. my mother said.

-but dad....

I will talk to him. you know how he is I can't go against of him infront of you ,but behind you I can ,so I will talk to him.

it was calming for me when she said that I became a bit happy ,but I was sure that my father will not gonna be okay with it and it will be hard to make him agree with my decision.

i don't know when was the last time I wanted the night to pass. I was desperately was waiting for morning so, I can know if my mother made him agree.

the sunlight spark my room and I i opened the door of my room without hesitating.

I heard some voices.

so, should we consider her for our son.

yeah i will be really happy if my daughter will marry your son.