shades of Life

marriage proposal

so should we consider her for our son?

my heart stopped beating and I wasn't able to breathe. what I just heard?

I was at the door and I started having teary eyes.

I heard my father's voice " I would be really happy if my daughter will get marry to your son" we respect you and this decision of your this is something which we can't express in words.

so where is your daughter we must meet her and than we should let them both meet ,so they can know a bit about each other.

yeah! why not we should.

my mother came towards me her eyes were saying everything except for what I was waited for the whole night.

come the guest wants to meet you.

meet me? for what?

I was angry and upset at the same time.

ofcourse! you meet every guest so, is this something new?

I heard that they came with a marriage proposal.

,But you told me last night that....

my mother cut my words and Said,

forgot about that. we can't do anything about that anymore. you should be happy that you will be marrying in a rich family. they are really nice people. just go and wash up in five minutes I am waiting here and get ready as soon as possible.

I wasn't able to say anything.

what would I have said, a no

nothing more and nothing less.

I understood that it will be gonna like this ,but my current situation was something in which I wasn't able to decide anything.

all I did was getting ready to show myself to the guest so, they can approve me as their daughter in law.

I sat with guest. they asked me questions about my education and everything. they were nice ,but I became someone who wasn't able to believe in the shell. I was someone who was more into vibe. I wasn't able to understand them on that time so, I said nothing much. I just keep myself into them like how my parents wants me to.

they leave so, I did too.

so, what you think while meeting them?

my father said.

well is this matter? your decision Matter not mine.

you are meeting their son Tomorrow. we want you to get married to him. he is a nice guy and will give you happiness.

I said nothing cause my voice was down. I was holding my tears. it became heavy so I came back in my room. I closed the door and started crying like I lost something. " drama broke" this is what I was facing on that time.

I got thoughts like I will be meeting him Tomorrow and after some time I will get married to him and than I will be living in another hell until my death.

once again I came back to the night which I don't want to end.

(the day of meeting)

I dress simple and leave to meet him.

he was standing in sky blue shirt and was looking into his mobile phone.

I was nervous to go towards him ,but I don't wanted to show that how weak I am I just put my head up and took steps towards him.

he looked at me and got shy.

we said hi to each other.

a coffee shop was the best place they say for a blind date.

he said, it's nice to meet you. can you tell me anything about you.

what you want to hear? I have nothing to say which can give you positive vibes.

what are you doing like are you studying anything or is their something you want to do?

"I want to go abroad to study' I said without hesitating.

really? oh that's a bit far.

I don't have any problem with your this dream ,but like my parents said that our marriage will take place in this year so I don't think it's possible yet.

this year? no? I am not ready to get married yet.

your decision matter but I have to listen what my parents told me and I am sure you will also will not go against your parents.

talking to him made me feel of him as the person who will never will gonna stand for me.

I started thinking that if I ended up like this here than I will regret my whole life.

I started having motivation for myself. I get straight to the point.

do you want to marry me ( I said with bold voice)

I guess that's why I am here

than listen me out I will be living abroad. I got accepted to a University so, I don't think that I can marry you this year. I need two years for my master's so, you have to wait until then and if not than I also can't do anything.

but your parents didn't said anything about this. he said.

yeah!! they didn't they are not allowing me yet ,but they will. don't worry about that ,but I think this is all what I wanted to tell you.

he was silent for a minute and said okay we will see.

we said goodbye.

I rushed to my home and stand right infront of my parents.

i want to go to abroad for my studies.

my father stand up and with a laudable voice he said, did you lost your mind what happened with the blind date. did you told about this to him too?

I said him and yeah he said that he don't have any problem with this.

did he? his voice got lower now.

he sat down and looked at my mother.

I don't know what's going on in her mind.

do you think things will be right if you go to abroad instead of being here?

it's my dream dad.

I don't know if it will be alright or not ,but who knows if I am destined to this and not here to get married in a year.

they are good people and he is good too. it would be better if you focus on this.

dad! see I had really hard time and this is the only hope which kept me alive please don't break it. it's the only chance I have. please let me live for a little longer.

my father stand up and leave the room without saying a single word.

I was stressed and really upset.

I just leave at the moment I lock my door and put my head on pillow. I didn't had any thoughts on that time I was just thinking of in what situation I am in. I became a bit Silent.

my mother called me for lunch. on the table there was no voice. in a sudden I heard.

go, if you want to.

it was my dead. I was shocked, I was looking at him with surprising eyes.

he was eating his food.

I said nothing because I became to emotional. I started having tears in my eyes. i was crying and chewing the food at the same time.

at the night my father came to my room and said,

if you wants to go than go ,but you have to get married to him and just with him. if you respect me than you have to promise me this. it's hard for me to ask for two years from them ,but I will do that so, keep your promise.

I was really happy that I didn't thought anything.

I just said yes to everything what else I wanted?

my dream was going to came true.

I was excited that I didn't slept all night and was imagining things which I will do in different country.

my father requested to my will be in laws and they excepted that.

it was like I am destined and my ways were opening by itself. I never felt this way. everything was like happening in it's own.

now the family trauma wasn't the same for me. I was having a good time with myself and how time passes I don't know. how i got my visa approved it was really fast.

(August 2018)

I was dreaming a plane was infront of me. I was moving towards it. it was sparkling and my legs were shivering. one step closer towards the plane one step more and one step more. I realised that it wasn't a dream. it was a reality which I was living.

I don't knoe about others ,but I was surely was the luckiest one in the whole aeroplane.

it started and I was flying، living the place behind which took me here.

July (2023)

woww I wrote this much I can't believe.

( writing the diary on the study table with a lamp)

back than it was really amazing tomorrow I will be leaving to somewhere for work ,but why it didn't excites me. maybe I am too tired to get excisted.

(bell ring)

who could be here at this time?

who is this?

(opened the door)

(a guy standing right infront of her and she is looking at him and smiled)

It's been long isn't it? Aiyana said.