Gone Is a Piece of Me

*BZZZZ* *BZZZZ* The phone in my hand begins to vibrate. *BZZZZ* *BZZZZ* I open my eyes just enough to see my doctors name on the screen. *BZZZZ* *BZZZZ* “Hello?’ I speak into the receiver. “Hi, is this Miranda?” Dr. Lucy asks on the opposing end. “Yes.” I respond, I mean she KNOWS this is my number. By this point, I had gotten up from the sofa I was sitting on and started pacing around the house. This phone call could possibly change my life in such a drastic way, and I couldn’t be near Kevin if I got the response I was expecting. “Hi Miranda, this is Dr. Lucile Mazlin, from Dr. Pastmans office. I got your blood work back, and your pregnancy test came back positive. Your HCG levels are at 33, so you’re about 3-4 weeks pregnant.” She explained to me. The only thing that I could say was “OK” to her. She then gave me instructions to start taking prenatal vitamins, and if I didn’t already have an OBGYN to start looking for one. She then asked if I had any other questions, which I didn’t so, we told each other to have a good day and disconnected the call. I’m 23 years old and pregnant with my boyfriend’s child. But how in the living world is that possible, I’m on birth control for heavens' sake! How am I supposed to tell him that there is a child growing in my body? Well, I didn’t have to wait long to tell him considering he was still sitting on the sofa where I was just lying. “Who was that?” he asked when I went downstairs. I wasn’t going to lie to him, I told him it was the doctor’s office. And, as anyone would ask after that, he asked what was going on. “I’m pregnant.” His response was something I did somewhat expect. But the way he said it, it hurt like hell. “You’re joking, right. Like April fools but in September?” “No, I’m not joking. I am pregnant.” “Haven’t you been taking your pills? You told me you were taking them! Were you lying to me?!” I automatically got defensive, I told him I was late already! I showed him on the Flow app I had that I was late because I track my cycle and plan accordingly to when the app says I will have it. I have NEVER missed a cycle nor have I ever been late so when I saw “14 days late” displayed on my screen I immediately told him. But him being a man that was playing videogames at the time, probably wasn’t paying any attention to me at all, and more than most likely didn’t hear a word I had said. When I tried to explain to him that I had already told him I was late, so I stopped taking my pill because if I was pregnant, I wasn’t going to harm the baby he got mad at me and began saying that I never told him. Obviously, I had a lot going through my head and my hormones were doubling every day, so I began to get defensive. I told him that maybe if he listened to me when I SHOWED and TOLD him something important then MAYBE this could have been prevented. But he thinks he’s always right, so after 10 minutes of arguing I just gave up talking to him and went to my friends’ house for a few hours so I could calm down a bit. On the drive to Alison’s house, I was going through how I was going to tell her that I had a tiny human growing inside my body. I’ve been friends with Alison’s family for almost 20 years, her younger sister and I were friends since elementary school, we drifted a bit apart in middle and high school but remained close. Then after high school, I lived with her and her family for a few years. I moved out and got my own place for a year and then moved in with my current boyfriend. But Alison already had 2 kids, so she knew what I was going through; the problem was that she didn’t know how I was feeling. She was married, has been for 5 years, and she and her husband had wanted kids when she had them. 27 minutes later, I pull up outside her house; still having NO IDEA how I’m going to tell her that I’m pregnant. I take my keys out of the ignition, grab my phone, and get out of my car. I’m sure to lock my car; not because she lives in a bad neighborhood, but just because it’s a habit; and walk-in her house. I say my usual “knock-knock” to make my presence known and head into the living room. Her daughter, Amaya, comes running to the gate they have to block her from access to the stairs (she’s 2 and likes to be adventurous). I say hi to her and pick her up as I go through the gate. I see Alison on the sofa feeding her 3-month-old son and watching TV. Walking over to her, she greets me and asks me what’s new. Immediately I start to panic because even though it was a 27-minute drive, I had nothing; no idea how I was going to tell her and just paused. I could see she started to get concerned because I wasn’t responding so she began asking if I was ok, as any person would, but I couldn’t form the words. It was still a huge shock to ME; how would I even begin to tell my friends and family if I couldn’t even get my head around ANY part of this situation. So, I just blurt it out to her: “I’m pregnant.” Her jaw drops and turns to face me, forgetting her son is in her lap. Then all we heard was a big whaling noise due to the fact that her son had lost his food source. She brings him back on to her lap so he can finish, but then she started rambling a numerous amount of questions; so many that I couldn’t remember any of them. Not 5 minutes later, her husband walks through the door asking what all the commotion was about; so she tells him what’s going on. His reaction was definitely priceless.