At The Mercy Of Evil

Life from my first breath has shown me that I am unwanted, that I am not worthy of the purest love. As soon as I was born, my mother, I mean, the woman who gave birth to me with only a few hours of life showed me the bad side of the human being. She dismissed me as a faulty object, to my unhappiness it was quite so, without any empathy threw me in a dumpster just covered by a thin piece of cloth. Left to die. Abandoned. Unwanted. Unloved. The first rejection among many that I would experience. Luckily, after hours of a cry for being in a totally different environment from a safe and cozy uterus, a garbage recycler found me and took me to a hospital, where I was cared for and the police were called. My mother never regretted it, she never came back. Sister Maria said that when I arrived at the orphanage I was a little baby girl, the sisters were even afraid to hold me in my lap for fear of hurting me. That's where I met what zeal is. Usually newborns are soon adopted, but I had to be the exception of the story. I've been in my life the role of reject. The days went by, after months that became years, precisely 17 years and I was still there. As I grew up every couple who entered the orphanage gave me the hope that I would be chosen, yet they always went out the door carrying a child that wasn't me, killing me hope. Many times I questioned what was wrong with me, and to this day I can't tell what it is. Friends I created were undone with their departures. Life gave me something and then took it off, it was always like this, it's like this. Soon to protect myself from the pain of rejection, loss, abandonment and longing, I began to live a lonely life. So young and so lonely. Sister Maria is the one who comes closest to a maternal figure to me, but I never clung to her, because people always tend to leave me. She's a very sweet, caring and kind lady. Always taking care of myself, telling bedtime stories, cleaning up my bruises and drying my tears. Maybe she did all this out of pity, because I was a poor thing, but I don't care about the little crumbs. I'm the oldest in the orphanage, the others who live here are all children. Being the oldest, I helped the sisters take care of the little fofurinhas. And even giving me work, I liked it, this task made the days pass faster, without leaving me to deserve the solitude that I created myself. Trimmmmm.... Trimmmmm.... Trimmmmm. The alarm sounds, warning you it's six o'clock in the morning. I get up without much work, already used to routine. I make the bed as Sister Maria taught me, i take a gray skirt that sits two fingers below the knee and a long-sleeved blouse of the same color and go to the bathroom, in which I share with the other children. I take a quick shower, enough to make me clean, here in the orphanage each person has only 5 minutes released to the bath. I remove the entire water droplet from my body and dress. I know I'm not wearing the latest fashion in Paris, but I don't care, I appreciate just having what to wear, here we learn not to cling to vanity. The sisters say vanity is a sin. I go back to my room and do a simple braid in my hair and ready I leave the room for breakfast. As soon as I go down the stairs I can hear the noise that the children make in the cafeteria, I go to the place where the little agitated beings are to join them for breakfast. The orphanage canteen is considerably large and in it are distributed dozens of rectangular tables of woods and benches of the same material... I'm in the place and I see the scene that's become everyday for me, kids sitting side by side, eating or playing with food. I'm going to go to one of the sisters who distributes breakfast and picks up a white plastic tray. __Bom, I Irmã__ to take an apple and put it on my tray. __ Good morning, Luna__ Says Sister Piety by giving me a bread with butter and a glass of milk. We didn't have much diversity of food to choose from, we didn't really choose, but we have to give thanks because we have the bread every day. Like vanity, sisters teach that gluttony is a sin... After picking it all up, I go to an empty, distant table, sit and quietly, looking at the kids talking to their friends, i'll make my breakfast. When I finish, the canteen is already quieter, as most of the children have been organizing their school subjects to leave in a few minutes. Just as they also study, however I like to leave everything prepared at night, I get up and leave my tray in the space of dirty dishes. I look at the clock on the yellow wall of the canteen and I see that it's 6:40, in ten minutes the van will arrive to take us, then I walk to my room, I take the toothbrush and I go to the bathroom, after taking out all the dirt left by breakfast, I take my backpack in the room and I go to the front of the orphanage and there is the van and a row to get in the car, I'm going to the end of the line and without delay I go in and sit down. The route is not time consuming, in 15 minutes we arrive at the school. The place is divided into two floors, one for the smaller children, and the other for the students from the seventh grade. The Marie Curie School is a private institution in which the orphanage has a partnership, so we all have a good education. However, there is the downside of studying here, some people just because they have parents with good financial conditions, they find themselves entitled to mock those who do not have. __ Look at the esquisita__ says someone laughing at everyone when I walk into the classroom. As always I don't care what they say about me, I just sit at the end of the room, in the chair to the corner of the wall. __ Hey weird, stole the wardrobe of which little voice?__ another insult and as the previous one do not give a damn. From an early age I learned that people are cruel, so I don't care about a bunch of teenagers with egos of superiority. __ From my grandmother who wasn't, she dresses better than this weird.__ and recognizes being Larissa's voice this time. This girl's been disrupting my school life since third grade. Don't be surprised by that, even kids are mean, and the worst part is that this persecution has no reason, I think it's simply for pleasure. __ Weird nerd__ Another girl screams and again like I'm a clown and people in the audience, they laugh. " Silence! everyone to their places and open the book on page 64– says Professor Ana, of the discipline of history. And only with your arrival, they leave me alone... After five more classes, it's time to leave, I get my things in order to get out of this place as soon as possible. In the meantime, I'm stopped with a leg placed in the middle of the road that leads me to the ground. "Look where you're going, Nerd," says Larissa, the girl who likes to make my life a little easier. I take a deep breath and stand up. "Look what you did to my all star, he's all dirty, you filthy. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.- I say looking down, avoiding as much as I look at your face. "Just get out of my way, Nerd- and I don't expect her to talk twice and I'll get out of there as soon as possible. I know it wasn't my fault, but I don't want to suffer another assault today. In front of the school I see the van, in which I enter and in less than 3 minutes starts on the way to the orphanage. And all the way, I wonder why my life is so hard.