Melodies of Our First Summer

The rain hadn’t stopped all afternoon, turning the campus courtyard into a mirror of trembling lights. Rian Desoras stood beneath the overhang outside the music building, guitar case strapped to his back, watching tiny droplets cling to the edge of his bangs. He told himself he needed the peace after practice. But he couldn’t lie—not even to himself—about the tiny tug inside his chest. Kirin wasn’t here yet. He said he’d come. He always did lately. Rian exhaled, hugging his jacket closer. “i***t,” he muttered softly—but there was more fondness than annoyance in his voice. Just as he was about to check his phone for the fifth time, something collided with him from the side. “Rian!” The familiar voice burst into his ears at the same time Kirin burst into his arms, nearly knocking them both sideways. “You’re drenched,” Rian said, looking at Kirin’s soaked hair, and the ridiculous grin plastered on his face. “It’s romantic!” Kirin declared, spreading his arms dramatically as if the rain were some musical finale. “It’s pneumonia waiting to happen.” Kirin laughed, stepping closer, eyes warm. “Miss me?” “No.” Rian looked away “I missed you.” Kirin leaned forward and bumped his forehead against Rian’s. Rian stiffened for half a second—only half. “You really need to stop saying things like that.” “Why?” “Because,you’re supposed to be my fake boyfriend, remember?” Kirin went still, expression softening. “Yeah… but that doesn’t mean I can’t care.” Rian rolled his eyes—but Kirin could always see through him. “Whatever. Let’s just go. You’re heavy.” “I wasn’t even leaning on you!” “You were in my personal space.” “It’s fake-boyfriend duties,” Kirin argued. “We should practice. Make it convincing.” Rian bit down a smile he refused to let out. “You’re impossible.” Kirin beamed. “And yet you keep meeting me every day~” They walked together under Rian’s umbrella, bodies close. Their hands brushed once… twice… then stayed brushing, skin warmed by more than the rain. “Hey, Rian,You know how the whole ‘fake dating for survival’ thing started because of Tawan?” “Unfortunately,” Rian replied. “Well…” Kirin swallowed. “He asked me earlier if we broke up.” Rian stopped walking. “What?” “Yeah. He said we haven’t been posting pictures or… you know… acting like a couple publicly lately.” Rian frowned. “We never posted pictures to begin with.” “Exactly! So he thinks we’re pretending less and he’s getting suspicious.” Rian stared at him. “Kirin.” “You’re telling me…that your plan for convincing him is to ask me to post pictures?” “Kirin.” “Okay—no—but also maybe?!” Rian pinched his nose. “You’re unbelievable.” Kirin nudged him lightly. “You won’t have to smile. I’ll do all the smiling. You just exist beside me and look cool.” “That’s not—” “Rian.” Kirin’s voice dropped, softer. “Please?” Rian’s chest tightened. Kirin rarely used that tone—quiet, sincere, a little vulnerable. “…Fine,” Rian muttered. Kirin’s face lit up like a festival lantern. “REALLY?!” “On one condition.” “Anything!” “You stop running through the rain like you’re in a drama.” Kirin gasped. “No.” “Rian, I can’t just change who I am—” “Kirin.” “…Fine,” he pouted. “But only because you look cute when you’re worried.” Rian elbowed him hard. After a warm drink break at a small café near the campus, they settled into their usual booth—Rian at the window, Kirin across from him, hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate. “Okay,” Kirin said, leaning forward eagerly. “Let’s take a picture now.” “Right here?” “Yeah! The lighting is good, and you look… really…” Kirin trailed off, his gaze softening unexpectedly. “…really nice right now.” Rian felt warmth crawl up his neck. “Just take the picture.” Kirin grinned and scooted beside him instead of staying across. “Selfie time!” “Kirin—” “Shh. Just look at the camera.” Kirin held up his phone, pressing closer than necessary. Their shoulders touched. Their thighs brushed. Rian’s breath caught when Kirin rested his head lightly against his. “Smile even a little?” Rian didn’t—at least not intentionally. But something small tugged at the corner of his lips. Kirin snapped the photo and immediately lowered the phone, staring at the screen. “Wow,we look…” Rian peeked. Their faces were close—close enough that someone might believe they were really in love. “…like a couple,” Kirin finished quietly. Rian swallowed and looked away. “Good. That was the point.” “Yeah,” Kirin murmured, though his eyes lingered on Rian for a moment too long. “The point.” Later, they walked back toward the dorms, the rain finally fading into a soft drizzle. Kirin hummed some tune beside him—offbeat, light, the kind that made Rian’s heart weirdly warm. “You’re quiet,” Kirin said softly. “So are you.” “I asked first!” Rian sighed. “I was just thinking…” “About this whole… fake dating thing.” Kirin stiffened slightly but kept walking. “What about it?” “How long are we doing it?” Rian’s voice was calm but his heart wasn’t. “Until Tawan leaves you alone?” “Yeah,” Kirin said quickly. “Or until… you want to stop.” Rian looked at him, brows furrowing. “Me?” Kirin nodded. “I don’t want you to feel stuck with me.” “I don’t,” Rian said a bit too fast. Kirin blinked. “You don’t?” Rian shoved his hands into his pockets. “You’re annoying, loud, dramatic, and you stress me out constantly.” Kirin’s face fell. “But…” Rian added softly, “…I like being around you.” The world seemed to pause. Kirin stared at him with wide eyes, raindrops clinging to his lashes. “You… do?” Rian nodded once. “Yeah.” Kirin’s smile bloomed slowly, shakily, like he couldn’t quite control it. “Rian… you can’t say things like that casually.” “You say things like that all the time.” “That’s because I like you!” Kirin blurted. They both froze. “…What?” Rian whispered. Kirin slapped a hand over his mouth. “I—I meant—like you as in—friendly—fake—boyfriend-like—not—not—” Rian stepped closer. “Kirin.” Kirin peeked between his fingers. “…Yeah?” “Say it properly.” Kirin’s throat bobbed. He lowered his hand slowly. “Rian…” His voice was barely a whisper. “I think I like you. Like—actually like you.” Rian’s heart pounded so hard it hurt. “You think?” Kirin let out a shaky laugh. “Okay. I know. I’ve known for a while.” Rian’s fingers twitched—wanting to reach for him but hesitating. Kirin noticed so he took the first step. He slid his hand into Rian’s. Rian inhaled sharply—“You don’t have to say anything,” Kirin whispered. “I just wanted you to know.” Rian squeezed his hand. Kirin’s breath hitched. “Rian?” “…I don’t know what this is yet,” Rian said. “But I know I don’t want to stop.” Kirin’s eyes softened, “Then… don’t.” Rian looked up at him—really looked—and felt something inside him shift, click, settle like a melody finding its harmony. “Okay,” he said softly. “I won’t.” Kirin grinned, bright and full of hope. “Then… can I walk you to your room like a real boyfriend would?” Rian nudged him lightly. “You already do.” Kirin laughed, wrapping an arm around him as they continued walking—not fake, not forced, not scripted. Just them. And for the first time… Rian felt like maybe… maybe this wasn’t a lie anymore. Maybe it never was. Rian didn’t sleep well that night. Not because Kirin held his hand. Not because Kirin confessed. Not because his own heart felt like a drum someone forgot to mute. It was all of it. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling of his dorm room, replaying every second of the walk home—the warmth of Kirin’s fingers, the quiet laugh, the soft, hopeful smile. It settled in his chest like a song stuck on repeat, the kind that made your pulse hum. And because his brain refused to give him peace, he finally muttered into the dark: “…I’m screwed.” Morning came too early. Rian trudged across campus toward the music building, headphones on, hoodie zipped, hoping no one would talk to him. That hope died a quick death when Nopp spotted him. “There he is!” Nopp called dramatically from across the lawn, sprinting toward him like a man chasing a bus. Rian sighed. “Please don’t—” “—Rian!” Nopp slid to a stop. “Explain.” “Explain what?” “Why the hell is Kirin posting soft boyfriend-core pictures of you two at a café last night?” Rian froze. “He posted it?” “Bro. BRO.” Nopp grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him lightly. “You look like you’re on a date. Actually, no. You look like you’re already married.” Rian groaned. “This is getting out of hand.” “Out of hand? The campus group chats revived themselves from the dead. People are making ship edits of you two. There’s a fanclub now.” Rian buried his face in his hands. “I hate this.” “No you don’t,” Nopp said knowingly. “You’re turning red.” “Shut up.” Nopp grinned. “Just saying… Kirin looked real happy in that pic.” Rian didn’t respond. Couldn’t respond. Because Nopp wasn’t wrong. He remembered the moment—the warmth of Kirin leaning in, the hush in his voice, the tiny tremble in his fingers while taking the photo. The way he whispered afterward, quiet and shy: “We look like a couple.” Rian hit the side of his head lightly. “I need to stop thinking about him.” Nopp raised a brow. “Too late for that.” By the time Rian arrived at the music room, he expected Kirin to already be waiting, bouncing on his toes or leaning against the wall with that stupid soft smile he always saved just for Rian. But the hallway was empty. Rian blinked. That was… unusual. Kirin was always early. Annoyingly early. He checked his phone. No messages. A strange pinch tugged at his chest. He shook it off and entered the room, pulling out his guitar. Practice always calmed him. It gave him something to focus on besides the loud, messy storm Kirin created inside his heart. He strummed once. Twice. Then the door slid open. Kirin stepped in—not bouncing, not smiling, not radiating chaotic sunshine. He looked… quiet. “Morning,” Kirin said softly. Rian’s fingers stilled on the strings. “You’re late.” “Yeah,” Kirin said, rubbing his neck. “Sorry.” Silence stretched, unfamiliar and uncomfortable. “Are you okay?” Rian finally asked. Kirin hesitated. “Can we… talk somewhere else?” Rian’s heartbeat stuttered. “Did something happen?” Kirin gave a small nod. “Can we go outside? Please?” Rian stood immediately. “Yeah. Let’s go.” They ended up on the rooftop, the breeze cool but gentle, clouds shifting lazily across the sky. Kirin leaned against the railing, fingers tapping anxiously. Rian stood beside him, shoulders almost touching. “Kirin,” he said softly, “talk to me.” Kirin inhaled, then exhaled shakily. “I didn’t expect things to blow up like that.” “The post?” Rian asked. Kirin nodded. “People kept messaging… asking questions… and Tawan—” He stopped, jaw tightening. “Tawan cornered me this morning.” Rian straightened. “What did he do?” “Nothing bad,” Kirin said quickly. “Just… he asked if I was serious about you. Like, really serious.” Rian’s breath caught. “And what did you say?” Kirin stared at his hands. “I didn’t know what to say.” Rian’s heart dropped a little—not because Kirin hesitated, but because he looked genuinely torn. “I don’t want people to think I’m lying to them,” Kirin whispered. “But I also don’t want to pressure you. Or make you uncomfortable. Or make you feel trapped. I don’t know what I’m allowed to say about us.” “Kirin,” Rian said gently, “we’re figuring this out. You don’t have to have the right answer immediately.” “But I want to,” Kirin said, voice cracking. “Because it’s you.” Rian’s breath hitched. Kirin finally looked up. His eyes were damp—not crying, but close. “I know we said this whole thing started as fake. And I know I confessed last night. And I know you’re not ready yet. But I don’t want you thinking you’re just some… obligation I’m dragging around for a plot twist.” Rian blinked. “Why would I think that?” “Because you’re quiet, and I’m loud,” Kirin said, a humorless laugh slipping out. “You’re calm, and I’m chaos. You’re steady, and I’m a mess. Sometimes I worry you’re only staying because you feel responsible for me.” "Kirin.” Kirin swallowed hard. “I like you. I don’t want to scare you away. But I don’t know what you feel, or what you want, and I don’t want to push.” He forced a tiny smile. “So I just… needed to say that.” Rian stared at him, stunned by the raw honesty spilling out. This wasn’t the playful, dramatic Kirin everyone saw. This was the real one—the one who cared too deeply, too quickly, and tried too hard to love the world even when it scared him. Rian stepped closer. “Kirin,” he whispered, “look at me.” Kirin did. Rian’s voice lowered. “You’re not an obligation. You’re not a chore. You’re not something I’m stuck with.” Kirin blinked rapidly. “I like being around you,” Rian continued. “More than I expected. More than I know how to explain.” “Rian—” “And I’m not staying because I feel responsible.” Rian shook his head softly. “I’m staying because I want to.” Something in Kirin’s expression broke—relief, disbelief, hope tangled together. “Really?” Kirin whispered. Rian nodded once. “Really.” Kirin’s breath trembled out of him. “Then… can I ask you something?” “Anything.” “Last night… when I held your hand…” Kirin swallowed. “Did you want to pull away?” “No,” Rian said instantly. Kirin froze. Rian’s voice softened. “I didn’t want to let go.” Kirin looked like someone had shattered him with happiness. His hand moved slowly—hesitantly—toward Rian’s. Rian met him halfway. Their fingers intertwined. Warm. Familiar. Right. Kirin’s voice came out small. “Rian… what are we?” Rian thought about it. The fake dating. The confession. The holding hands. The picture. The way his heart reacted whenever Kirin smiled at him like he was the only one in the world. “We’re…” Rian began, searching for the right word. Kirin waited, breath held. “…something real,” Rian finished softly. Kirin’s lips parted, hope blooming across his face. “Yeah?” Rian nodded. “Yeah.” Kirin let out a shaky laugh, pressing their foreheads together. “Rian… I—” The rooftop door slammed open. They jumped apart. A familiar voice shouted: “KIRIN! RIAN! WHAT THE—OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY—” Nopp immediately backed out, hands covering his face. “I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING. I SAW NOTHING. CONTINUE.PLEASE FORGET I EXIST.” The door slammed shut again. The rest of the afternoon felt different—like the air between them had changed shape, like something soft and warm had settled between their ribs and refused to leave. Rian could feel it in the way Kirin kept glancing at him, like he still didn’t quite believe any of this was real. And maybe Rian didn’t either… but he wanted to. They walked down the stairwell side by side, their fingers brushing but not quite laced. Not yet. Every time their knuckles touched, Rian’s breath caught a little, and Kirin would bite back a smile like he was afraid it would burst out too loudly. When they reached the bottom, Kirin cleared his throat. “So… um… we don’t have class until four. Wanna hang out before that?” Rian shrugged lightly. “Sure.” “You don’t have to sound so casual about it,” Kirin pouted. “I’m trying to ask you on a date without actually asking you on a date because I don’t know if we’re calling it that yet.” Rian stopped walking. “Do you want it to be a date?” Kirin froze. “Do you want it to be a date?” “You asked first.” Kirin pressed his palms to his cheeks dramatically. “Rian, you’re killing me. I’m fragile.” “You’re the opposite of fragile.” “I’m emotionally fragile.” Rian exhaled softly, “If you want it to be a date… then yeah. We can call it that.” Kirin’s eyes widened. “Wait. Are you serious?” “Do I look like I’m joking?” Kirin stared at him—really stared—and then slowly, a bright, trembling smile spread across his face. “Okay. Date. It’s a date. Oh my god.” Rian rolled his eyes, but his lips curved up just barely. “Where are we going then?” Kirin perked up. “Anywhere you want.” Rian thought for a moment. “The park near the dorms. It’s quiet.” Kirin’s grin softened into something warmer. " Let’s go.” The park was mostly empty, save for a few students lounging under the trees. The rain from earlier had left everything damp and fresh, the scent of wet grass lingering in the air. Rian and Kirin found a bench under a big acacia tree, its leaves dripping lightly. Kirin plopped down beside him, swinging his legs slightly. “So… this is our first official unofficial date.” “That doesn’t make sense,” Rian said. “That’s because it’s us,” Kirin said with a teasing smile. “We’re chaos.” “You’re chaos. I’m normal.” “You’re emotionally constipated but in a cute way.” Rian elbowed him. “Shut up.” Kirin laughed, leaning back against the bench. “Okay, serious question.” Rian raised a brow. “What now?” “Do you like… this? Us? Whatever we’re doing right now?” Rian looked down at his hands. The truth sat heavy on his tongue—not painful, just unfamiliar. “…Yeah,” he said quietly. “I do.” Kirin’s breath hitched, almost like he’d been holding it. “I like it too.” Rian’s chest warmed at the softness in his voice. “And I like you,” Kirin added quietly. Rian’s heart stumbled, but he didn’t look away this time. “I know.” Kirin chuckled. “Yeah. I wasn’t exactly subtle.” “No. You weren’t.” “But you…” Kirin hesitated. “Did you mean what you said on the rooftop? That we’re something real?” Rian turned slightly toward him. “I don’t say things I don’t mean.” Kirin’s eyes softened in that way that always disarmed him. “I really, really like you, Rian. Like… dangerously much.” Rian swallowed. “Dangerously?” “Yeah. Like… if you told me to meet you at 3 a.m. because you wanted to listen to frogs croak, I’d go.” “That’s concerning.” “It’s love,” Kirin declared dramatically. Rian choked. “Don’t say stuff like that so easily.” Kirin tilted his head. “Why not?” “Because,” Rian muttered, “it makes my heart do stupid things.” Kirin froze. Slowly, gradually, a blush spread up his cheeks. “Rian…” “I didn’t say I’m in love with you,” Rian added quickly. Kirin clutched his chest. “Ow. Direct hit.” “I’m just saying…” Rian continued, softer, “you make me feel… different.” Kirin blinked at him, stunned into silence. “Say something,” Rian whispered. “I can’t,” Kirin said weakly. “My brain shut down.” Rian huffed. “Idiot.” Kirin leaned in just slightly. “Can I hold your hand?” Rian didn’t answer with words. He simply lifted his hand and offered it. Kirin’s breath trembled as he took it gently, intertwining their fingers with a tenderness Rian wasn’t prepared for. “Rian…” Kirin whispered. “Hm?” “I don’t know how long we’re supposed to take things or what the rules are for… for us.” “There are no rules,” Rian said quietly. “We just… figure it out.” Kirin smiled, small and sincere. “Okay. But can I tell you something?” Rian nodded. “When I look at you, I feel like my whole world goes quiet. Not in a scary way. Just… peaceful. Warm.” Rian felt his heartbeat stutter. “Kirin…” “And I don’t want to ruin it by moving too fast,” Kirin said. “But I also don’t want to pretend I don’t feel all these things because… they’re real. You’re real.” Rian’s throat tightened. “So… you don’t have to tell me everything right now. Or label anything. Or rush. Just… stay with me. That’s enough.” The words settled deep in Rian’s chest, soft but steady. “…I’ll stay,” Rian whispered. Kirin looked like he could cry from happiness. “You will?” “I’m here, aren’t I?” Kirin exhaled shakily, leaning his head on Rian’s shoulder. “Yeah. You are.” Rian didn’t pull away. The world around them blurred softly—the rustle of leaves, the chatter in the distance, the hum of late afternoon. And Rian realized, quietly, that he didn’t mind this closeness. Not anymore. In fact… he wanted more of it. Kirin shifted slightly. “Hey, Rian?” “Mm?” “If someday—not now—but someday… if I asked you to be my real boyfriend…” Rian’s heart thudded. “…would you consider it?” Kirin whispered. Rian didn’t answer immediately. He looked at their hands. At Kirin’s hopeful eyes. At the way his chest felt full and warm and stupidly soft. “…Yeah,” Rian said finally. “Someday… I think I would.” Kirin’s breath hitched. “Really?” Rian nodded once. “Really.” Kirin lifted their joined hands and pressed a gentle kiss to Rian’s knuckles. Rian froze, stunned—heat rushing to his face. “Kirin—” “Not a boyfriend kiss,Just a ‘thank you for giving me a chance’ kiss.” Rian swallowed. Hard. “…You’re impossible.” Kirin smiled. “But you like me anyway.” Rian looked away—but didn’t let go of his hand. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I do.” Kirin snuggled closer, nuzzling Rian’s shoulder lightly. “Promise me,” he murmured, “we’ll figure this out together. Slowly. No rushing.” Rian smiled, brushing a strand of damp hair from Kirin’s forehead. “I promise,” he whispered. And in that quiet moment, with the park’s gentle breeze wrapping around them, they knew some beginnings didn’t need words—they only needed each other. The next few days moved like a gentle rhythm. Rian and Kirin spent hours together in quiet corners of campus, sharing snacks from the café, listening to the gentle strum of Rian’s guitar, and talking about everything and nothing at all. The world felt slower when they were together, every mundane step transformed by their laughter, their stolen glances, and the occasional teasing remark that made Rian's heart skip. One afternoon, as the sun dipped low, Rian found himself walking Kirin back to the dorms. The streets were warm from the fading daylight, and the scent of wet grass lingered from the earlier rain. “Kirin,” Rian started, hesitating. “Do you ever think about… us? Like… the future?” Kirin glanced up, thoughtful. “All the time. But I don’t want to rush. I just… want to enjoy now. With you.” Rian nodded slowly. “Yeah. Me too.” They paused by a quiet fountain, water rippling in gentle arcs. Kirin leaned against him again, fingers lacing naturally. “It’s kind of nice,” he murmured. “Feeling… safe.” Rian’s heart fluttered. “You are safe. With me.” Kirin smiled, eyes sparkling. “You make me brave, you know?” “And you make me feel… alive,” Rian whispered. Their foreheads touched, and the rest of the world melted away. Nothing else mattered but the warmth between them, the slow rise and fall of their breaths, and the promise that whatever came next, they’d face it together. They both smiled As the week continued, the two found small routines forming. Kirin would wait for Rian after practice, and together they would walk through the campus gardens, talking about music, dreams, and silly what-if scenarios. Rian realized he had never felt this comfortable with anyone before, his walls slowly crumbling under Kirin’s persistent warmth. One evening, as they sat on a bench watching the city lights shimmer on the wet streets, Kirin spoke softly. “Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we… didn’t have to hide anything? If everyone knew?” Rian looked at him, considering. “Sometimes. But right now, I like this. Just us. Quiet. Away from all the noise.” Kirin leaned against him, resting his head on Rian’s shoulder. “I like this too. Feels… real.” Rian exhaled slowly. “It is real. For me, at least.” Kirin lifted his gaze, eyes wide and sincere. “For me too. I just… I want to take it one step at a time. With you.” Rian smiled softly. “Then we take it together. No rush. No pressure.” They sat in silence, the city humming softly around them. For the first time, Rian let himself imagine the future—not in detail, not with labels, just with the certainty that whatever came next, they would face it side by side. Kirin’s fingers twined with his, a gentle anchor in a chaotic world, and Rian felt a sense of peace he hadn’t known he needed. The following weekend, Rian and Kirin found themselves exploring the little bookstore tucked away near the corner of campus streets. The smell of old pages and warm coffee greeted them as they wandered between shelves. Kirin tugged Rian toward a section of poetry books, his eyes lighting up. “Look at this one,” Kirin whispered, holding up a small volume with a worn cover. “It’s about falling slowly. Perfect for us, huh?” Rian chuckled softly, shaking his head. “You read too much into everything. "Kirin grinned. “That’s why you like me.” Rian didn’t answer, just allowed a small smile to tug at his lips. They spent hours there, picking up books, sharing passages, and laughing at how absurdly Kirin insisted Rian read a particular love poem aloud. By the time they left, the sun was dipping low, painting the streets gold. They walked hand in hand, the silence between them comfortable, filled with an unspoken promise that no matter what happened, they had each other. Kirin leaned against Rian’s shoulder as they turned a corner. “You know,” he murmured, “I’m glad it started as a fake relationship. Otherwise, I might never have had the courage to tell you how I feel.” Rian stroked his hair gently. “Neither do I. We’ll figure it out together, one step at a time.” And in that quiet, starlit moment, their hearts beat in sync, the world around them fading until all that remained was the warmth of each other’s presence. Kirin lifted his gaze, eyes reflecting the faint starlight. “Rian… promise me something?” “Anything,” “Promise me we’ll always be honest. About everything. Even when it’s scary.” Rian nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to Kirin’s forehead. “I promise.” Kirin smiled, a soft warmth spreading across his face. And there, beneath the quiet sky, they knew that whatever challenges came next, they would face them together.Rian squeezed his hand gently. “And I’m glad you did.” For the first time, Rian felt completely at ease admitting the truth of his feelings—not just to Kirin, but to himself. Their shadows stretched long on the street, and a testament to the bond they were building, one moment at a time.