Butterflies and Ashes

My heart raced as I found myself lost in a sea of curious stares: fierce, dreamy, kind, then a ripple of snickers that rolled through the wide, fancy, airy classroom. The air smelled pleasantly like a blend of flowers and perfume, and the polished space hosted about twenty elegant kids. Actually, poor kids like me simply tagged them as rich kids. "Hey, guys, let's welcome our newbie and stop gawking at her," a bold voice sliced through the murmurs. "Forget about her clothes, she is not a cleaner, just a charity case, who wishes to be one of us." A roar of giggles followed, echoing off the walls. My stomach dipped sharply, as if butterflies inside me were digging a pit. My stiff neck followed the voice to a tall, striking girl who stood confidently by the board, as though she owned the whole classroom. Half her glossy black hair was swept into a high bun, the rest spilling in waves over her shoulders like some runway model’s. Her eyes, intent and gleaming, sized me up without mercy. "It's not like she is a stunner," she continued, lips curling into a smirk. "Instead, I think she looks like a rag doll with those awkward glasses and thrift store clothes." The disdain in her tone was deliberate, and each word was laced with venom. The class erupted in giggles again, some covering their mouths, others whispering behind palms. Hot sweat crawled up my neck, spreading to my chest and rising to my head. I stared down at my pink top and skinny jeans, wishing the ground would swallow me whole. Nobody had ever insulted me about my glasses or clothes at my previous school. Would it be an issue here? My father’s friend, a kind man on the school board, had generously agreed to sponsor my education here. Or was the poverty actually reflecting boldly on my forehead? I lowered my gaze further, focusing on my worn out blue trainers, still my best shoes. My throat tightened as I willed my eyes not to water. "Come and sit here." The interruption came in a warm, husky voice, calm and endearing. I glanced up slowly, and held my breath as our eyes met. The boy who spoke patted the vacant seat beside him. His messy, textured hair gave him the cutest appearance. His smile was so inviting that it sent a thousand butterflies soaring in my stomach, this time not digging a pit but lifting me, making my heart feel light. This was no ordinary student. His aura screamed popular. Saying he was the perfect description of cute and handsome wouldn't be an understatement. But was he interested in me or only trying to help? "Come on. I don't bite," he tapped the seat again with another sweet smile. It was so alluring, oh my God. However, my legs remained rooted to the spot. I guess the weight of their stares made my legs feel heavier than usual. Notwithstanding, I dragged my feet reluctantly to do as he said when a high pitched voice suddenly halted me. "Are you insane?" I looked up, startled. It was the same hottie girl who stood at the board. "Can't you read sarcasm? He is only kidding!" she uttered dramatically, making the class spin in another wave of laughter. I fought the urge to cry and wet my pants at the same time. "June! Stop messing with her," she barked, folding her arms tightly, as she stomped her feet. Oh. His name was June. I took note instantly. “I didn’t think she would be so dumb to think I meant what I said.” June’s friendly smile turned mischievous then, revealing a set of perfect dentitions I didn’t notice before. All the butterflies in my stomach dropped dead this time and raced down to my butts as more hot sweat brewed on my forehead. I suddenly felt like using the restroom. This time there wasn’t a roar of giggles but a huge roar of laughter. What is so funny? I wondered. However, I cleared my throat, determined to find my voice, determined to let them know I wasn’t the dummy they thought me to be, nor let them bully me for no justifiable reason. I guess I did it a little louder than I intended as perfect silence suddenly filled the classroom, all pair of eyes pinned on me. “Hi, guys. I am Carrie Thomas, nice to meet you all. So sorry for the distraction, but could you please show me a vacant seat around so I could settle?” My voice wavered between brave and desperate as my eyes scanned the faces quickly, searching for a flicker of kindness. “Carrie Thomas,” the hottie girl repeated, as though she was trying to make sense of what it meant. She strolled over to my side, without unlocking her folded arms. Her gaze was cold and empty, like I had mistakenly stepped on her phone or shoes without realizing. What would happen then, if I mistakenly did that? I wondered. “Well, first off, how about I correct you?” she began darkly. It was then I noticed she wore extra lashes, but it was only obvious upclose, and her makeup was heavy too. Her expensive perfume, pleasant and suffocating, hit my brain first before it began to assimilate what she was saying. “It is not nice to have a kid like you here, because you don’t belong here. Two, we don’t need your likes to pollute our pleasant air with your reeking stench of whatever it is you guys apply to your skin or wash your poor thrift store clothes with. Thirdly, I doubt your empty dumb brain would match up with our standards and we don’t need losers who would come drag our class to the bottom. Fourthly, you look like a charity case and I don’t understand why you would want to force yourself into a league that doesn’t suit your pathetic background.” She took a last step closer to me and inched her head closer to my ears, so close that I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I feared she would catch the smell of the cheap bar soap I had taken my bath with that morning and confirm everything she had just said about me reeking, even when I know I don’t. She leaned closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. “One last thing. Don’t ever let me see June talk to you. Whether he means it or not, I don’t care. Stay away from him and avoid close contact, or you will see hell in this school.” She straightened, her eyes glittering with authority. “By the way,” she added casually, her lips curving into a cruel smile, “You might want to change your soap and shampoo. You can grab something better from the restroom. They are certainly an upgrade from whatever cheap stuff you people use.” With a stiff turn, she strode back to her seat like an elegant queen. Well, anyone can guess where she sat. Beside June, of course. My eyes met June’s for a fleeting second, and I quickly looked away as my heart hammered against my chest. Good Lord. I am barely here, but receiving threats already? I swallowed, feeling more lost than ever. After the hottie girl’s speech to me, I became a forgotten item as everyone completely ignored me and simply minded their business. My poor eyes roved the class behind my round rimmed glasses, searching for an empty seat. I finally found one at the last row of seats, next to the wall, but I wondered if it was indeed vacant or if another scene would resume on my behalf if I dared attempt to go for it. Well, a cold voice suddenly jolted me out of my reverie.