Rebound

Benin, Nigeria 27, November 2021 10:40pm "Push, Olivia you have to push that baby out." "I can't, I'm so tired, I just want to go to sleep." I could feel myself already slipping unconscious. It was a weird feeling, I feel like I'm floating and there are sounds all around, but I can't tell where it's coming from. Where am I? Am I lost? Dead? "We're losing her," I heard someone say. "Someone slap that woman awake." I jolted when I felt a sting on my cheek. And I remembered where I was. In the hospital, pushing my very first fruit out of me. "Ahhhhhhhhh, come out," I cried and pushed and suddenly.... "The head is out, you're doing great there, keep pushing." I look up at Luis who holds my face tenderly, "You're doing great my love, just a few more push and we can hold our little one in our arms." The time passes by in a blur. And I feel my belly emptier, I briefly see my baby's face before they take him to clean him. His hair is so dark but he already looks beautiful. I couldn't have replaced the feeling in my heart at that moment for something else. It felt so amazing being a mother despite the pain I just went through. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how my future in school would be like with a baby. And if I can go through with the marriage to Luis, at my very young age. October 5, 2023 It's amazing how much could happen in a short time in your life and then feels so long. It wasn't long ago since I had my son, got dumped by Luis, and now my only opportunity in going back to school felt like it was slipping away from me. I think back to moments before my relationship with my boy's father and wish things could go back to how they used to be. But as they say, 'if wishes were horses men would ride'. It all felt wrong thinking about thoughts like that when I looked at my son. He's still so beautiful. "Mommy see, mommy see," Light said to me holding up his cup. "Yes love, mom made your tea special and with love, but you have to finish drinking it so we can go to bed," I said adjusting his shirt. "It's way past your bedtime love " As we make our way to the bedroom I share with my sisters, my mind wanders, my dad passed away years ago and I wish he were there to make things better for us. I sit and cuddle Light, rocking him to sleep. He's so cute and he looks so much like his father. Especially with his cute eyes, I muse in my mind. I remember the first day we met. How much of a wit he had on him, and how stimulating our interaction, however quarrelsome. He stood out to me, his physique, how he dismissed people by talking rudely to them. But I stood my ground, and it was instant chemistry. I was honestly surprised that it took us so long to get together, even though it was just a few months of running around getting each other laid. Yeah I was young but very sexually active, and he really knew how to keep me active. I loved everything about him. He was a typical bad boy, I should have known from the start, I'd have my heart broken and handed out to me. But I choose to ignore the signs, and before I realized it was moving too fast, I was so in love with me,and with child.