Jacob and Bella Story

Chapter Fifteen

Bella's P.O.V.

Spring break returned to Forks once more. I had a brief rest in bed before waking up on Monday morning. Last spring break, a vampire had hunted me, too. I hope this doesn't become a new tradition.

I was already getting into a routine in La Push. My Sunday was mostly spent at the beach while Charlie and Billy were at the Blacks'. Jacob's plans changed, leaving me to roam alone while keeping Charlie in the dark about the secret.

Checking in on me, Jacob apologized for often leaving me. He said his schedule wasn't always this wild, but the wolves maintained a red alert status until they dealt with Victoria.

Jacob's hand was always in mine on the beach, constantly intertwining our fingers as we walked.

This moment made me brood over what Jared had said about Jacob involving his "girlfriend." That was precisely what it looked like from the outside. Since Jake and I knew the truth, I shouldn't have worried about those assumptions. And they wouldn't have if I hadn't known that Jacob would have loved things to be what they appeared. But his hand felt lovely as it warmed mine, so I didn't protest.

I worked on Tuesday afternoon—Jacob followed me on his bike to ensure I arrived safely.

We stopped, and Jacob dismounted and came toward me. He embraced me tightly, his face buried in my neck, breathing in my scent. Mike saw us through the window.

"Call me if anything happens. We will stay close to watch in case," Jacob said.

"I'll be fine. You don't have to..." I said.

"I know. Just in case. I don't want to risk it. She could find you."

I nodded, and Jacob hugged me again before getting on his bike and leaving.

"Are you seeing that La Push kid? The sophomore?" Mike inquired, disappointment tinging his voice.

I shrugged. "Not in the technical sense of the word. I spend most of my time with Jacob, though. He's my best friend," I responded.

Mike squinted knowingly. "Bella, don't fool yourself. That guy's utterly smitten with you," he stated.

I sighed. "I know," I said. "Life can be complicated."

"And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath.

That was a naïve assumption to make, too.

That night, Sam, Emily, Charlie, and I had dessert at Billy's. Even a complicated man, even Charlie, would have been won over by Emily's cake. As we chatted, I noticed Charlie's fear of the La Push gangs faded.

Jacob and I left early to be alone. We went to his garage and sat in the rabbit. Jacob's head fell back; exhaustion etched his face.

I laid my hand on his, my fingers dancing across his skin. An electric pulse surged from my fingertips, igniting a fire in my arms and beyond. Each touch deepened the spark, making my heart race. I inhaled deeply, willing myself to resist the pull. "You need some sleep, Jake," I urged gently.

"I'll get around to it," Jacob said.

As I moved my hand from him, Jacob took it, intertwined our fingers, and placed it in his lap.

"Is that one of those wolf things?" I asked Jacob, curiosity piqued. "You know, the heat you're talking about."

"Yeah. We run a little warmer than normal people—about one-eighty, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this," Jacob responded, gesturing to his bare torso. "In a snowstorm, it wouldn't bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood."

"And you all heal fast—that's a wolf thing, too?"

"Yeah, do you want to see? It's pretty cool."

Jacob's eyes flew open with a grin. He searched the glove compartment for about a minute using his free hand. He pulled out a pocketknife.

"No, I do not want to see!" I shouted as soon as I realized what he was thinking. "Put that away!"

Jacob laughed heartily as he returned the knife to its rightful spot. "Well, it's a silver lining that we heal. After all, you can't call a doctor with a fever that high. If that were the case, you'd be six feet under," he grinned.

"No, I guess not," I said as I thought about that for a minute. "...And being so big—that's part of it? Is that why you're worried about Quil?"

"Yeah, Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead," Jacob responded with a hopeless expression. "There's no exact age...it just builds and builds and then suddenly..."

Jacob broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you get upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything—I was happy," he laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead, it kept on building up inside me like a time bomb. Do you know what set me off? I got back from the movie, and Billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I snapped. And then I—I exploded. I almost ripped his face off!" he shuddered, and his face paled.

"Is it terrible, Jake?" I asked anxiously, wishing I had some way to help him. "Are you miserable?"

"No, I'm not miserable," Jacob responded. "Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard before."

I reacted to the coldness with a tense nod. Noticing my shivers, Jacob moved closer, his side now against mine. He held me close, his arm around me, his hand in mine, keeping me warm. He caressed my hand with his thumb and nuzzled my head. That felt pleasant. I wasn't expressing dissatisfaction. I enjoyed being so near Jacob. I don't know. Being in his arms gave me a sense of belonging and wholeness. I also enjoyed his body heat radiating off me, keeping me warm.

Jacob muted himself momentarily, and I wondered what he was thinking about.

"What's the hardest part?" I whispered, still wishing I could help.

"The hardest part is feeling... out of control," Jacob responded slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself---like you shouldn't be around me, like nobody should. Like I'm a monster who might hurt somebody. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second... and she was standing too close. And now there's nothing he can do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts---I know what that feels like... who aspires to be a nightmare, a monster? And then, the way it comes so easily to me, the way I'm better at it than the rest of them---does that make me even less human than Embry or Sam? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself."

"Is it hard? To find yourself again?"

"At first. It takes some practice to phase back and forth. But it's easier for me."

I cast a quizzical gaze at Jacob. "Why?" I inquired.

Jacob answered, "Ephraim Black was my father's father's father, and Quil Ateara, my mother's father's father."

I glanced at Jacob, my brow furrowed in confusion. "Quil?" I queried, bewildered.

"His great-grandfather," Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin."

"But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?"

"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack, Levi Uley was third. It's in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance."

"What's the very best part?" I asked, hoping to cheer him up.

"The best part," Jacob said, smiling again, "is the speed."

"Better than the motorcycles?"

Jacob nodded enthusiastically. "There's no comparison," he responded.

"How fast can you...?" I asked.

Jacob finished my sentence. "Run? What can I measure it by? We caught... what was his name? Laurent? Imagine it means more to you than it would to someone else."

It meant something to me. I couldn't imagine that—the wolves were running faster than a vampire. When the Cullens ran, they all but turned invisible with speed.

"So tell me something I don't know," Jacob said. "Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didn't it creep you out?"

"No," I responded.

My tone made him think for a moment.

"Say, why did your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?" Jacob asked.

"James was trying to kill me—it. It was like a game for him. He lost. Do you remember last spring when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?" I asked.

Jacob sucked in a breath. "Did he get that close?" he asked.

"He got very close," I responded, stroking my scar.

Jacob held my hand tighter. "What's that?" he asked as he traded hands, examining my right. "This is your funny scar, the cold one."

Jacob looked at it closer, with new eyes, and gasped.

"Yes, it's what you think it is," I responded. "James bit me."

Jacob's eyes widened, and his face became strangely pale beneath his reddish skin. He appeared close to vomiting.

"But if he bit you...? Shouldn't you be...?" Jacob asked as he choked.

"Edward saved me twice," I responded. "He sucked the venom out—you know, like with a rattlesnake. "

I flinched as the pain seared around the hole's edges, but I wasn't alone in my reaction. Beside me, I felt Jacob shaking uncontrollably. The car rocked.

"Careful, Jake. Easy. Calm down," I said.

I clasped Jacob's hand tightly, and he responded, "Yep. Chill."

Jacob shook his head, fighting to maintain his composure. It looked like I was affecting him; he was shifting into a wolf but was now still, except for his shaking hands. I gave his hand another squeeze, my thumb brushing his palm. This gesture appeared to soothe his trembling hands.

I cast a concerned look at Jacob, my brow furrowed. "Are you all right?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about," Jacob said.

"What do you want to know?"

Jacob closed his eyes, concentrating. "I don't know," he responded. "The extra stuff, I guess. Did any of the other Cullens have extra talents? Like mind-reading?"

What was the point of hiding what I knew? It didn't matter now; I wanted to help Jacob control himself.

The horrifying image of Emily's devastated face sent chills down my spine. I couldn't picture the russet wolf fitting in the rabbit; Jacob would destroy the garage if he shifted into his wolf form.

"Jasper could... control the emotions of the surrounding people. Not in a bad way, to calm someone down, that kind of thing. It would probably help Paul a lot," I teased weakly. "And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saw would change when someone changed the path we're on..." I said. "Like how she'd seen me dying... and she'd seen me becoming one of them," I said.

Two things that had not happened. And one that never would. My head spun—I couldn't pull enough oxygen from the air. No lungs. My hand wasn't in Jacob anymore and was clutching my stomach for dear life.

Jacob held the reins of the moment. His gaze flickered with concern. "Why do you always do that?" He reached for my arm, but it remained stubbornly tethered. "You do that when you're upset. Why?"

"It hurts to think about them," I whispered. "It's like I can't breathe...like I'm breaking into pieces..."

Jacob smoothed my hair and said, "It's okay, Bella. It's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry."

I gasped. "I'm fine," I said. "It happens all the time. It's not your fault."

"We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we?" Jacob asked. "Neither one of us can hold our shape together, right?"

"Pathetic," I agreed, still breathless.

"At least we have each other," Jacob said, comforted by the thought.

I was comforted, too. "At least there's that," I said.

And when we were together, it was fine. But Jacob had a horrible, dangerous job he felt compelled to do, so I was often alone, stuck in La Push for safety, with nothing to do to keep my mind off my worries.

Being at Billy's made me feel awkward. I hit a wall while studying for next week's calculus test. With nothing pressing to do, I felt compelled to talk with Billy, a product of societal expectations. Billy didn't fill the long silences, which made things awkward.

To switch things up, I spent Wednesday afternoon at Emily's. It started off lovely. Emily's constant activity matched her cheerfulness. I trailed behind her as she moved through her tiny house and yard. She cleaned the already clean floor, removed a small weed, and repaired a broken hinge. She also tugged a wool string through an old loom and cooked constantly. She complained lightly about the increase in the boys' appetites from all their extra running, but she didn't mind taking care of them. It wasn't hard to be with her; we were both wolf girls now.

Sam, though, only checked in hours into my visit. I briefly checked on Jacob and confirmed he was all right, and there was no news; then I left. Their intense love and happiness were overwhelming, with no one else to lessen the impact.

I headed to the first beach and passed the length of the rocky crescent back and forth, again and again.

Being alone wasn't good for my well-being. The Cullens have consumed my thoughts since I've been honest with Jacob. Despite my attempts at distraction, the chest pain persisted. Many things weighed heavily on my mind. I felt concerned for Jacob and his wolf siblings. I felt scared for Charlie and the others who believed they were hunting animals. Unintentionally, I was growing closer to Jacob and didn't know what to do. Yet, these concerns couldn't stop the persistent ache I felt. I couldn't walk in the end because I was having trouble breathing. I found a semi-dry, rocky spot to curl up in a ball.

Jacob found me in that state and hurried to my side. His expression showed me he understood.

"Sorry," Jacob said immediately.

Jacob lifted me, embraced me, and held me close. Only then did I realize how cold I was. While his warmth sent shivers down my spine, I could breathe easier knowing he was near. I'm amazed that he's like my healer. I constantly need his presence, and his absence feels like a slow death.

"I'm ruining your spring break," Jacob accused himself as we walked back up the beach.

"No, you're not. I didn't have any plans. I don't think I like spring break anyway," I responded.

"I'll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We'll do something fun."

The word seemed out of place, barely comprehensible, and bizarre. "Fun?" I asked.

"Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm..." Jacob responded as he gazed out across the heaving gray waves, deliberating.

As Jacob's eyes scanned the horizon, he had a flash of inspiration. "Got it!" he said. "Another promise to keep."

I eyed Jacob, my curiosity piqued. "What on earth are you talking about?" I asked, eager for his explanation.

I didn't realize Jacob was holding my hand until he let go. You can't forget that someone's hand is always on yours. Jacob showed the beach's southern end, where the flat, rocky crescent ended at the steep sea cliffs. I gazed, utterly bewildered.

"Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?" Jacob asked.

I shivered. "Yeah, it'll be pretty cold—not as cold as today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?" I asked.

The dark water did not look inviting; the cliffs looked even higher from this angle.

Days had passed since I last heard from Edward. That likely contributed to the issue. My delusions were so intoxicating that I became addicted to their sound. Things would have been worse had I delayed providing them. Jumping off a cliff will remedy that situation.

"Sure, I'm up for it. Fun," I said.

"It's a date," Jacob said.

Jacob put his arm around me, sighing, under the impression that this was a date.

"Okay—now let's go get you some sleep," I said.

The circles under his eyes bothered me; they looked etched into his skin. After dropping Jacob off at the Blacks', I went home.