Book 1: Burnt Bliss

Author's Note: Any misspelling in journal entries or letters here are intentional and done for historical accuracy. Part I: Winter "We know what we are, but know not what we may be." -- William Shakespeare, Hamlet Chapter 1: Prospect December, 1665 The crisp December air was both empty and full. It was devoid of sound and warmth, yet rife with potential. A new year was coming in mere hours . Clear skies were adorned with a full white moon as twinkling stars punctured the still atmosphere. The English countryside lay calmly under a thick blanket of snow. On that chilly night, Will was transfixed. Augustus's green eyes held the warmth of a pleasant spring day. A hot, tight sensation formed in the pit of Will's stomach, making him feverish even with ice crunching underfoot. Augustus stepped into the Garnetts' home, his family in tow. Will readjusted his short blonde ponytail and squirmed under his sky-blue jacket. Augustus didn't look this way when they were twelve. How much could three years really change a person? But Will's jaw dropped once Augustus came into the light. He was shambling under his scarlet-red jacket, pale and gaunt. He ignored the fancy garlands and never looked up to notice the red bows. It was so odd to see Augustus's family without his youngest sister, but the Great Plague had been merciless as it ravaged London. Living here in the country was the safest course for the two remaining children. As they moved through Will's grand home, Augustus's eyes were still glued to the shining black-and-white tiles of their Entrance Hall. A half-dozen servants buzzed around Augustus's family, acquiring their luggage, and directing towards the feast in the dining room. "There we are, Sir." A curly-haired valet said cheerfully, taking Augustus's satchel from him to bring it upstairs. "Thank you, but...you needn't call me Sir." he mumbled. Though he towered over Augustus at six foot, a friendly smile crossed his dark brown face. "Think nothing of it; it's part of my role." Augustus nodded and moved on. "We'll have splendid fun while you're here!" Will's sister Lily said, prancing down the hallway in her brilliant gold dress. The stylish brocade pattern flickered in the candlelight. Mary clasped her small hands in delight, grinning up at her older friend. As the younger girl came to the dining room, she squared her shoulders and smoothed out her baby-pink dress with long sleeves and fur accents. The splendor of high society was everywhere: the clatter of shiny dishes and the smells of a hearty feast. The bright twinkling of a dozen candles complemented the shining tapestries. The dinner plates hosted a bevy of crisp linen swans for the seventh day of Christmas. Will's parents were the last to come in, Francis leading his wife to strut through the room. He radiated dominance, from his pin-straight gray hair down to the click of his fine buckled shoes. Margaret, ever the posh matriarch, glided through in pearls and velvet. Layers of a royal-blue gown swept dramatically behind her. Francis seated his wife and took his place at the head of the rectangular table. Will sat next to Augustus, hoping he could help him relax. Francis led everyone in saying Grace before eating, prompting Will to roll his eyes. Augustus was surrounded by friends but sat in silence, twisting his linen napkin with clenched fists. His thin frame was so small under his jacket and an entire feast was right there, but his plate remained empty and untouched. The spread lay before Augustus, luscious scents filling the air: roasted chicken and glazed ham, three kinds of cheese, potatoes, winter squash, butter, hot tea, mead, French wine and cake. At home, this was more food than Augustus would have in a month. He looked about and picked up a small slice of bread and buttered it as he tried to think of something to say. "Are you all right?" Will asked before taking a bite of his chicken, face contorted with worry. "Um, yes. I'm sorry." Augustus put down his knife and turned to Will to apologize. "Will...I don't mean to be so rude." he locked eyes with Will, then swiftly broke away. It hit Will again: what felt different about Augustus? Augustus chose a slice of ham and cut it as he continued to apologize. "I'm tired; it was a long trip." "I understand, and you're not being rude." he agreed and paused for a moment. He had to do something... "Don't look so gloomy!" he said with a playful nudge. "Staying with me can't be that bad!" and grinned to cheer him up. For the very first time in his visit, Augustus smiled, just for a second. Will saw that small flicker of happiness and knew that beyond his misery, he was still the same person. "Now that you're at my house for more than a few days," Lily said to Mary, between another bite of her roasted potato. "What would you like to do?" "Well, what do you usually do?" the younger girl asked, then slowly sipped her milk. "We don't really go out in winter, but we do feed the animals year-round. We feed horses and ponies, hens with their cute baby chicks and our milking cow Bess. If we go by the edge of the woods in springtime, there are patches of wildflowers everywhere. Remember the flower-picking last time?" she asked, then drank her cider. "Yes!" Mary cheerfully replied after wiping her face. "We made the daisy crowns. I'd love to go again!" "Also sometimes we have tea in the garden or swim in the river." Lily replied as she leaned over, patiently cutting her little sister's carrots. After dinner, they all relocated to the music room. It was alight with conversation; fitting the merry scene. Everyone took their tea while Lily played the harpsichord to entertain as they socialized. Augustus didn't speak very much, and kept close to his parents. He didn't drink much of his tea. The light, tinkling music and friendly conversation did nothing to ease his mood. He sat on a red velvet chair, leaning against his mother. His head was draped on her shoulder, his eyes closing now and again. He didn't want her to leave yet. ~*~ "Our room is on the left," Lily reminded Mary almost two hours later. She bounded up the dark wood stairs, her sister and Mary close behind. "Come on in." she said, opening the door for Elizabeth and Mary. The three girls filed inside. Lily's usual attendant Missy had brought the luggage upstairs and was almost done making the smaller of the two beds. The comforting scent of a warm fire filled the room. Mary relaxed a bit, admiring the glow from the huge fireplace. The Garnetts' home was much warmer than anyplace she'd stayed in London. The room was large, larger than Mary had remembered. The walls were a soft cream color, and silver tapestries shimmered against them. The hardwood floor had a thick Oriental rug under the beds. Mary couldn't believe this was just one bedroom. It was half the size of her entire home! "Lizzie can share with me. And you get her bed. Is that all right?" Lily asked, placing an extra satin pillow on the bed for Mary. She was happy to share and wanted to keep her comfortable. She looked at Lily, her black eyes wide. "An entire bed to myself?" the child marveled aloud, clutching her satchel. "Well, of course!" Lily exclaimed with a slight chuckle. "You're a guest." "Thank you! At home we all shared one. But after the other family moved out, there was an extra bed. We decided my parents would have one and us children had one. It worked out because later Susan needed a separate one." she frowned, still unsettled by her sister's absence. She put herself in the present moment by peering around the room, looking for something to change the subject. She spotted a small porcelain doll on Lily's vanity. Mary vaguely remembered she'd started a collection of such items. "I love these trinkets!" She sauntered up to the vanity, with its oval-shaped mirror gleaming before her with an ornate gold trim. She felt self-conscious seeing her reflection in such a fancy room. But she felt better remembering she was among friends. "Where are these all from?" "Oh, they're from all over. My Uncle Amadeus--you remember him, don't you?--got them from France, Germany, even a place in Africa called the Gold Coast. There's a lot of trading going on with different countries. Since we've been trading so much, I can get more!" They chit-chatted as they helped Mary unpack. She didn't mention her sister again, but the thought returned to her mind when her parents came in to wish her goodnight. Now worried, she asked them for advice. "But if I miss her, and you're not here, what do I do?" she looked up at her mother, her small face tightened with anxiety. "Think about your new life here and remember her fondly. You were a wonderful big sister, and she had a happy life." Caroline reassured her daughter, stroking her hair gently. "You and Augustus are safe now. We'll find time to visit you, and we might be away, but we're going to work as hard as we can to find us someplace better. We're going to visit as often as we can. Think about the future, not the past." her mother kissed her cheek and her father gave her a reassuring hug. Mary followed them to the door and they bid each other good night. She turned from the door and approached the other girls. Her smile had melted into disappointment. "I'm really going to miss them." she whispered, a tear escaping her eye. "Don't cry." Elizabeth said, toddling towards her friend, giving her a hug. "Mary." Lily patiently began, leading the younger girl from the door to sit comfortably on the bed again. "I know this is hard, but we're going to help you however we can." she wiped away another tear and hugged her. Caroline and Richard also went to say goodnight to Augustus before they retired to the guest room for the night. They were leaving tomorrow, and wanted to comfort their children. They were a close-knit family, so this change was a serious departure from how they normally lived. "Will you be alright?" Augustus asked his mother in concern. "I could only try to understand. I love you." Will looked up from his desk, eyebrows raised. Even when Augustus was this unhappy, he didn't seem to care about his own feelings, only his parents. "We love you too. And, well..." Caroline paused as she looked at her husband for consensus on a particular matter, "we didn't want to tell you this so soon, but...Augustus, this isn't the first time it's happened." she confessed. "What?! When?" his eyes widened as he gaped at his mother. He slowly sank onto the edge of Will's bed. "Before you were born. You would have had an older brother, but he didn't stay." "How long?" he asked before he could stop himself. He didn't mean to pry. "A day." she replied, sitting across from him on a nearby chair. "Maybe two." "But how did you move past it?" he asked, nervously twisting on the edge of his shift. "We mourned." his father explained, sitting beside his son. "But then we focused on our future." "Yes. And when the time was right, we had you." Caroline explained, smiling as joyful memories returned. "When you were born," Caroline began, smiling at her son, "we were nervous, because of what had happened last time. We didn't want anything bad to happen to you. You had just taken eight hours to arrive, and I was very tired. But when we finally saw you, I knew we were ready for you. The midwife took one look at you, handed you to me and she said: 'This one's a fighter.'" Caroline recalled it so well: her midwife's thick Irish accent, her new baby's resolve as he was wrapped in a soft blanket, new to the world and full of potential. "And that's never changed." Richard added optimistically. He squeezed his son's shoulder affectionately. "Thank you." Augustus was grateful for their encouragement, but his eyes fell from their gaze. His mother knew he was still upset. She knelt down on the plush white rug and gazed up at him. Her forest-green wool dress was as comforting and familiar as her voice. She saw the reflection of Will's hearty fireplace in her son's eyes. But this was the only light she saw there. She had to change that. She perked up his chin and spoke again. "Augustus, I know you don't think you're strong. But you are." she gently caressed his cheek. "That's how we chose your name. It means 'greatness'." Richard agreed with a reassuring nod. "We just knew." "And sorrow won't last forever." Caroline reminded him, brushing back a lock of his dark hair. "Remember her fondly and appreciate what you do have. I know you'll miss me, but sometimes loving someone means making a sacrifice. We won't be gone forever, and we will visit. I promise." "Thank you." he said in a small voice. His parents each hugged him, wished the boys good night, and left. "You don't mind sharing the bed, do you?" Will asked Augustus as he rose from the bed once his parents left. Will leaned back in his chair, smoothing out the feather in his newest quill pen, watching his friend intently. Given his parents' advice, he wanted to keep Augustus focused on the present moment. "Oh, of course not." Augustus replied, now sorting through his clothes. "Always sharing with my sisters. We shared our house with an entire other family. Only one bed for all of us. So this is nothing." "Good. That's good." Will tried to keep a conversation going, but his attempts fell flat. It just seemed like nothing could ch ange Augustus's mindset. Shortly thereafter, they went to bed. Will asked Augustus if he needed anything else, and he politely assured him that he did not. But somehow, in some way, Will didn't believe him.