Unlawful Agreements

Alice It's 4 in the morning and dragging myself out of bed sounds horrible, however I need to get to work. Going over the same routine that probably needs changing, but if we being honest we know it won't happened maybe briefly for a period of one early morning, but no further then that once every blue moon. Doing the usual panick dressing somehow ending up looking decent, getting the bed made up and dashing for the bathroom to go through the brushing teeth and face wash routine. Stuffing my hair in a hat, because now I'm to late to do anything about it and will definitely panic fix it once at work, the usual. Now the last step, fishing out last nights food shoving it in Tupperware and shoving it in my bag and off I go making the guick walk to the bus stop 5 minutes before the bus arrives. And on the 1 and a half hour commute I take that nap that will give me just enough energy to last till 10 in the morning. The amazing flawed morning routine that needs work and changing, but again will that happen? No, not really. The ride is uneventful shoving my earphones in listen to rock music because that a reasonable sound track to sleep to, and honestly Skilits are chefs kiss. And taking that sweet nap that is way to short. Unfortunately, it's one of those days when sleep doesn't come and I'm being haunted by fake scenarios and child like view on how life was suppose to turn out. I'm 25 and successful in my books. I got a great job, an amazing place and a car I barely use because getting stuck in traffic every morning and afternoon never seemed appealing. I studied 18 month for a cause in paralegal studies, now as a paralegal aid I am one step closer at getting my LLB (law degree) this wasn't the plan at the start my LLB was may main goal, but crapy high school grade will get you set back and honestly I blame math's. Things are going great, at least that's what it looks like. Rather, I see a therapist every Sunday, I can't hold a relationship down long enough for even the suggestion of a proposal and have a horrible social life. Sometimes I like to people watch and guess what every individual is going through. It makes me feel less alone in my problem. Like a reminder that I'm not the only crazy. My therapist says that's not a coping mechanism if I'm also coming to the conclusion that "I'm lucky and my situation could be worse but it's not". Something about me down playing my trauma. She's probably right. I still do it though I just tell her I don't. And with that conclusion of though it time to get off the bus.