Her Saviour

Chapter 89: The only option she thought she had

Rin's Point of View

After telling Haru what was on her mind, she waited patiently. She hoped that she was not a bother to Haru.

Actually she knew that she was not exactly a bother to him. Otherwise, he would not be so worried about her. He would not have also asked her to call him the moment she felt low.

She hated this insecurity and anxiety she felt. She could not control it. Even when she knew what people actually feels and their behavior, she could not help but worry that people hate her.

She could not help it and she hated herself for this.

The fear of abandonment, the insecurities and the emotional instability was starting to become a part of her normal life. And she did not want that.

Some part of her really did want to get better.

As she was lost in her thoughts, she heard Haru cough. She quickly snapped out of it and then listen as Haru started speaking.

"Have you ever talked to him about how you feel?"

Rin looked at him and then took a deep breath. Then she spoke, "I tried to. After Mom died, I thought it would be best to try to talk to him. After all, all I had was him. But I could not get through to him. He was always busy. He did not even come home sometimes. I was by myself most of the time. So, I gave up. I did not have the energy to even try."

She never thought there would come a day when she would be able to freely talk about what she was going through. It was not that bad and it actually made her feel better. But it also made her anxious. However, she was managing it pretty well.

Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder and she knew it was Haru because no one else was there.

She looked at him as to ask what happened. She watched as he signalled her with his head and eyes at the pack of cigarettes at his hand.

She understood that and nodded. Then she took one.

After Rin took a cigarette, she waited as he placed his on his lips and lighted it. She was expecting Haru to pass on the lighter to her. However, after he was done he seemed to be lost in his own world. She did not have the heart to disturb him. So she let it be for a while.

After a few minutes, she could not hold it. She badly wanted a smoke, so she tapped on his shoulder.

While doing that, she thought. "So much for not disturbing him."

As soon as she tapped on his shoulder, he looked at her.

She spoke, "Can you pass me the lighter?"

He said sorry as he passed her the lighter.

While lighting her cigarette, she had various thoughts crossing her mind.

"Is he getting bothered by what I told him? Shouldn't I have told him all of these? Are those stressing him out? Oh my god. I did not intend to make him stress out with my problems. I need to make it clear how helpful he is just by listening to me."

So after she was done, she spoke.

"I am sorry Haru. I am probably stressing you out with all these stuffs. But Thank you for listening."

After she finished speaking, Haru was shaking his head.

Rin was a little confused at first but he spoke, “It is not your fault Rin. No need to apologize for something like this. And I am always here to listen. Always. Anything you want to or you need to tell me, I will be there to listen to it. Do not worry about that and just focus on yourself okay?”

After Rin heard him speak, she sort of understood what might be the problem. She thought, "I know for sure that he does not think I am a burden. But knowing how kind he is, he is most definitely stressing out about trying to solve my problems. I should make that clear, I think."

“Thank you for that. I seriously cannot thank you enough for what you are doing. I feel better telling you all these. But there’s something you need to know."

She looked at him to see if she could continue. She saw him nod.

Then she started speaking.

"When I started telling you about what was bothering me, I was not telling it with the expectation that you will come up with a solution that can solve my problems at the spot. I know that things are not that easy and things take time. That is what I meant when I apologized if it was stressing you. For me, at the moment, it is enough that you are there to listen to all of this. It has been a long time that I have talked about it. And it was really eating me up. It feels a lot better that I got this out of my chest. It is like the weight of an elephant on my chest has been lifted. And I want you to know that this is enough."

After she was done speaking, she waited for Haru to process the information and then reply.

Twenty seconds turned into fifty seconds and then into two minutes.

Realizing that maybe he needed more time, she understood and then let it be.

She continued to smoke and watched the Cherry Blossom tree near them. After a while, she heard Haru clear his throat and she automatically looked towards him.

Then he started speaking, "I am sorry that I did not reply right away. Right after you said that, I was caught up in a thought. It does not mean that I was ignoring what you were saying though. And then that thought led to another. And before I could realize, I had become lost in those thoughts. I did not intend to be rude okay?"

Rin, as soon as she heard that, thought "Oh so that was happening. I did not think that was rude though. He is probably the type of person who overthinks a lot. I think I should smile so that he feels better I am focusing on myself."

So she smiled and said, "I understand. And don't worry, I was fine with you not saying anything."

Haru smiled back at her.

As they were talking, she had not noticed that it was starting to get dark. As soon as she realized it, a heavy feeling started brewing on her chest. She did not feel like going back to the house that her father wanted to replace her mother. With every second that was passing by, she felt lonelier and depressed.

With those intense emotions that she was feeling at the moment, all she could think about was that she did not want to go back home.

She looked at the sky and then spoke

"Hey Haru. I feel like running away from home."

This seemed like the only option for her at the moment.