Her Saviour

Chapter 13: Heaviness that weighs Rin down.

Rin’s Point of View

Rin felt a sadness rushing in after Haru told her that he had to leave. She did not want him to leave. When he said that he felt like he was bailing out on her. She kind of agreed with him but she would not tell him that. So she put on a smile and told him that it was okay.

The sadness she felt at the moment was equivalent to someone she cares about dying. She did not like it. Even a small inconvenience and she would feel like everything is ending. This was one of the major reasons she wanted to end everything. Every time she felt this, she felt so low that it was unbearable. So, it would be better to end everything. That was what she had been thinking.

Haru had started driving out of the place and out of her sight. Haru leaving right now, even though it would hardly count as Haru abandoning her because they did not even know each other that well, felt like he was never going to come back to her.

Then, she realized that she did not have the right to feel that. She was basically nothing to Haru.

“Are we even friends?” she thought.

She did not want to expect a lot. As cliché as it seems, expectations do hurt a lot. Especially with her, small things tend to hurt a lot. She shook her head and attempted to make these thoughts just vanish into thin air. It was impossible.

She sighed and opened her car. She reached for her bag and searched for his cigarettes. She took one out and also checked the time. It was 3:40 pm. It has been like only 10 minutes since he left. And she was already feeling heavy and empty at the same time.

She let out another sigh and lighted a cigarette. She did not feel like going home.

She took out her phone and texted her father that she will be late.

She wanted to go on a drive.

One thing to understand about Rin was that she was extremely impulsive. If she decided something at the spot she did it. Sometimes her decisions were not rational and it, in turn, affected her.

She quickly finished her smoke. She got into her car and checked the fuel bar. It was time to refill it. So, before she went on a long drive by herself, she was going to stop at a gas station.

Before she started driving, she connected her phone with the stereo in her car. Then she drove out of the place into the road and headed to the gas station. She played the songs in her playlists. She still did not feel right. Something bugged her. It was about Haru.

She thought about his answer when she asked him if they knew each other in the past. He did not seem to know her and Rin herself did not remember him. However, why did he feel so familiar?

She wondered when she would get the answer to this. She was still determined to politely decline Haru if he asked her to hang out again, but she still wanted to know why he felt so familiar. She felt comfortable around him but it was also sad. She was going to leave behind everything and did not want to get attached.

She reached the gas station. She filled it and paid. She had some money left. So she stopped at a convenience store and got some ice cream. Ice cream was one of the things that calmed her.

After buying it, she placed it on the front seat beside her drove. She continued listening to music and drove for about half an hour. She saw a nice spot on the way and stopped there. She checked the time.

It was 5 pm. She got out of the car and watched the view she got. It seemed pretty.

“But if you are planning to die, everything you see is pretty I guess. Just like the graduation goggles” she said it out loud.

(Graduation goggles- is a reference from the series “How I met your Mother”)

She took out her ice cream and started eating it. Along with it, she also lighted a cigarette.

She looked at the packet. It had the words, “Smoking kills”.

"Well, I will be dying anyway. Who cares?" She thought.

She sat down and leaned on her car.  She kept the ice cream beside her and smoked.

As she smoked, she was lost in her thoughts. Her thoughts had wandered off to thinking about Haru and what he was doing.