5
950 Words
Masakit kaya ako nagising. The first thing I noticed was the sharp sting in my left hand. Naka-IV ako.
"Hey, how do you feel?"
Cain's voice was soft, almost hesitant. His head rested on his arm, which was propped up on the bed beside me. Parang matagal na siyang nasa ganoong posisyon, nakatitig lang.
"I'm okay," I murmured.
Normally, he would nod and let it go. But this time, he held my hand.
"'Yong totoo, Ponzu. Kamusta ka?"
His eyes bore into mine, searching for something.
I pulled my hand away and looked elsewhere.
"I-I'm okay." My voice cracked, so I cleared my throat. "Water, please."
"Sure. And you have to eat, too."
"No, just water, please." Ulit ko.
He pressed a lingering kiss to my temple before standing.
"Please wait." Then, he left the room.
I let out a quiet breath of relief. The absence of his presence made the room feel bigger, less suffocating. Tiningnan ko ang kamay kong may karayom, lifting it slightly to ease the numbness.
"Ouch..." Gaano na ba ako katagal natutulog?
Nang bumalik si Cain, hawak niya ang baso ng tubig. Pero higit doon, may dala rin siyang pagkain. I sighed, louder than I intended.
Bakit hindi siya marunong makinig?
I brushed the thought away. Wala akong karapatang magreklamo. I lost that right the moment I stepped into this house—alone with him.
Mukhang napansin niya ang iritasyon ko dahil marahan niyang inilapit ang lalagyan ng pagkain.
"It's only salad. Please."
Please. It echoed in my head.
Pero agad kong pinaalala sa sarili ko kung anong posisyon ko rito. I am a scum who cheated. Kailangan kong bumawi.
"Sorry," I muttered before taking the water from his hands.
"You haven't eaten for a while..." He cleared his throat. "...and the last time you did, I figured you threw it all up."
Dumagundong ang dibdib ko. Alam niya.
Did that mean—was he going to hurt me for wasting food?
A heavy lump formed in my throat. My fingers trembled around the glass.
"S-Sorry." My voice came out broken. "Hindi na mauulit."
I grabbed the container from him and started eating.
As always, he watched. As always, the food tasted like nothing. Wala pa rin akong gana, pero nilunok ko lang lahat hanggang sa maubos.
Pagkatapos kong kumain, he handed me more water—along with a small pill.
Hindi ko alam kung anong itsura niya habang iniaabot iyon, o kung may gusto siyang sabihin. He didn't say a word. I didn't dare to look up.
Walang tanong na nilunok ko ang gamot.
If it was meant to make me feel better, then maybe I could atone more.
If it was meant to kill me...
I guess that wouldn't be so bad either.
Days passed. I lost track of time, as usual, but I knew it had been a couple of sunrises and sunsets.
The routine was the same. We ate together in the bedroom. He still watched me eat, still made sure I took whatever those pills were. I still didn't have much appetite, but my body wasn't rejecting food as much.
Cain had also made a long phone call before finally removing my IV.
Now, undeniably, I was looking better. My weight was not back, but almost. My skin no longer looked lifeless. I still felt empty, but at least I no longer looked like a walking corpse.
Still, I was always in bed. Resting. Cain made sure of that.
And I obeyed.
The awkwardness never faded. I realized this again when he entered the room. The air felt tight around me, like the walls were inching closer.
I quickly shut my eyes.
"I'm done with office work," he said.
I caught the faint scent of soap as he climbed into bed and slipped under the covers.
"Okay," I mumbled, still keeping my eyes closed.
"How are you?"
His breath was warm against my neck. I flinched, just slightly. He noticed—but he didn't pull away.
He's getting touchy.
Usually, the only time I felt his lips or his arms around me was during s*x. But lately, he had been kissing me. Hugging me. More than before.
It didn't make things less awkward.
It had been a long time since we acted like we were in love.
Still... I was happy. Or maybe, I wanted to be happy.
I scooted closer, even though I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"O-Okay na," I whispered. And it was the truth. I was feeling better.
I still didn't know how to behave around him, but I wasn't drowning in fear anymore.
"Good."
For a while, we were still.
He held me as I listened to his breathing.
And then, he spoke.
"I love you."
The words were so soft, they were almost air. But I heard them. He was in my neck.
"So much."
I froze.
I processed what he said.
Of course, I knew. I've always known. He wouldn't have kept me here if he didn't love me, right?
But it had been so long since he last said it. It was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth.
"Uh... uhm."
I tried to respond, but the words wouldn't come.
He made me face him. Then, he kissed me—firmly, steadily.
I didn't move. I was still.
Too still.
"I love you," he repeated. His voice was raw, cracked. "I'm extremely sorry."
My heart pounded. Almost painfully.
Sorry?
Sorry for what?
I didn't know what to say.
I let out a small laugh. Then, without warning—
I started crying.
Tears slipped down my cheeks as my chest tightened.
What's wrong with me?
Bakit hindi ako masaya?
- Writer
