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1032 Words
Ponzu's POV
"What can I do for you tonight?" Mabagal kong tanong. Wala akong gana, pero sinubukan ko pa ring ngitian siya.
I'm sure I just looked awkward and f*****g ugly, though.
Bigla niya akong niyakap at isinubsob ang mukha niya sa balikat ko. Hinintay ko siyang magsalita, pero wala—ang tagal niyang nanatiling tahimik.
I just... want to get this over with.
"Ano po ang gusto niyong gawin ngayong gabi..." bulong ko.
"Sorry, baby," narinig kong sabi niya.
Bakit? Gusto kong magtanong, pero wala akong sinabi.
Mahabang katahimikan ang sumunod bago siya na rin ang bumasag nito.
"Sorry. I'm tired. We can just rest for tonight." Niluwagan niya ang yakap niya sa akin.
"OK," sagot ko at agad na umalis sa pagkaka-upo sa kanya.
"Mukhang may sakit ka rin, kaya magpapahinga tayong dalawa. OK?"
I didn't answer. Is he consoling me because he turned me down? Hindi ba niya alam na hindi niya na kailangang gawin iyon, dahil gabi-gabi naman niyang inaalis ang respeto ko sa sarili ko?
Nakatalikod sa kanya, isinuot ko ulit ang mga damit na hinubad ko. Sa isip-isip ko, pinagtatawanan ko ang sarili ko.
Ayaw na niya ng s*x. Ano na kaya ang kasunod nito? Ngayon bang pangit na ako, itatapon na niya ako? Tapos na ba siyang pagbayarin ako sa pagtataksil ko?
Bumalik ako sa kama nang hindi lumilingon sa kanya. Ipinanatili kong medyo malapit ang katawan ko—sakaling magbago ang isip niya at gusto niya akong abutin. Pero pumailalim ako sa kumot at nanatiling tahimik, kahit pa umiiyak na ako.
Death is honestly the better option at this point.
I hope I die. Soon.
At tulad ng lahat ng gabing ginugol ko sa bahay na ito kasama siya, tinapos ko ang araw na may parehong mga salita sa isipan ko.
DAYS passed, and he didn't really touch me.
Akala ko pagod na akong paulit-ulit na may nangyayari sa amin, pero mas nakakapraning pala kapag ganito—parang ayaw na niya akong galawin.
Would I end up like James now?
I laughed and slapped my face. I'm an idiot. I'd rather die than live my life as Cain's personal s*x doll, but I'm also afraid he'll kill me or dump me.
What's wrong with my head?
I can feel my sanity slipping. Moreover, madalas sumasakit ang tiyan ko. Kumakain naman ako—palaging pinapanood ako ni Cain para siguraduhin na inuubos ko ang pagkain ko—pero isinusuka ko rin pagkatapos. I don't know if he has any idea that I throw up all the time because he never says anything about it.
I lifted my arms to look at them. Simputla na ako ng labanos, at palagi lang akong nakahiga sa kama.
"Are you OK?"
Pagpasok ni Cain, iyon agad ang tanong niya.
"Yes," I answered without batting an eye.
Mula nitong mga nakaraang araw, iyon lang naman kasi ang mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig namin.
He asks if I'm fine. I say yes. Wala na kaming ibang pinag-uusapan.
Mabuti pa noong may nangyayari sa amin—kahit paano, naririnig ko pang tinatawag niya ang pangalan ko.
"Can you transfer to the couch real quick? I need to replace the sheets."
Noon ko lang napansin ang dala niyang basket na may mga puting tela.
Bumangon ako para bigyan siya ng daan, pero agad na umikot ang paningin ko. Napahawak ako sa headboard ng kama.
"P-Ponzu!"
That's the last thing I heard before everything went black.
CAIN'S POV
"She's anemic," Damien said, his expression dark.
I leaned my head against the wall and exhaled sharply.
"I don't mean to meddle, but... what the f**k were you doing with her, dude? She's obviously suffering."
"I don't know, man," I muttered, wiping my eyes with the heel of my hand.
I don't cry anymore. The last time was when I discovered that she shat on my head. After that, I swore I wouldn't shed another tear.
I told myself Ponzu would be the only one doing the crying from then on, but it turns out that's not really what I want.
"What do you mean you don't know?" Damien asked, irritated.
I had no answer.
"May kasalanan siya, but what you're doing is not right. Why don't you just let her die? You'd be doing her a favor."
I shot him a glare. "Anything but that."
Galit siyang bumuntong-hininga. "Look. I'm a doctor, Cain, and I know you know that—otherwise, you wouldn't have called me. At tulad ng kahit sinong doktor, I assure you, I can help her. Pero wala rin mangyayari kung hindi mo siya aalagaan."
I gave in. I sat down, feeling drained.
"I watch her eat all her meals. I make sure she drinks water all the time. Why is she still sick? Gaano na ba kalala ang nagawa ko sa kanya for her body to still not recover?"
I gripped my own hair, frustration boiling over.
I can't lose her.
Not now, not before, not ever.
"She's got a lot going on in her head. Sapat na 'yong parusa mo, pre. Baka sobra pa nga. Tama na." Damien sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder, sympathy evident in his voice.
"I know she's been talking to herself—or to her mom—about our situation," I admitted.
"She does it when she thinks I'm not around, but I chose to do nothing. I thought that as long as I had her, we would be OK."
"Promise me you will be better." His voice was firm.
"Kaibigan kita, but so is Ponzu. There's only so much I can condone."
I knew what he meant, and it made me shiver.
Just the mere thought of Ponzu leaving me made my chest hurt.
"I promise."
Ponzu stirred, drawing our attention as she started coughing in her sleep. Damien immediately went to check on her.
Staring at her makes me feel like s**t. She's not the same bubbly, smiley woman I loved.
I took away her shine.
"You owe me," Damien stated.
"And the only payment I ask is that you take care of her."
He gave me one last pat on the back before returning his focus to my unconscious girlfriend.
- Writer
