Benefits of a Broken Heart

Chapter 2 Starting Up

---Taylor's POV---

Once the objecting glares are turned away from my comfortable-for-myself outfit, Tiffany turns on some music to help ease all of our minds. Music always does that for me, luckily.. It doesn't matter what kind of music, because I use it all for any frame of mind that may be plaguing me. Currently, the nervousness of not just new guests, but guys.. probably hot guys.. coming to visit, is hitting my mind like the biggest brick wall at the moment.. But I'm trying with every inch of my body to resist running, hiding, then locking myself in my new room.. like the old me would do.. nope I don't want to be her anymore.. This year and this girl are going to be different.. It's time to meet the independent, social, active woman that is me.. She is confident, speaks her mind and not rolling over for anyone.. this time it's going to be my way or the highway... or at least that is what I have told myself plenty of times in the mirror before exiting the room then instantly reverting into myself the moment I come into contact with people. But here is my chance to try to do it differently.. I can do this.. maybe.

The melody of the tones fills the room making my heart feel a little more as ease. I turn around and start grabbing the main ingredients I bought at the store for dinner and dessert tonight.. I have to start it now because my homemade Lasgna takes a while to make and cook so I have to get started now if I want it to be ready and good enough for these guys.. without being too late at night.. I twist and turn around the kitchen checking everything out as I grab what I need, getting this calming task underway.

Cooking has always been my calming activity that everyone loves.. It has honestly been my crutch in this intimidating world.. When anything happens around me that I'm affected by, good or bad, but I still don't know how to deal with it.. I can then revert into cooking to help ease my mind, but still be apart of everything going on around me, which makes things amazing for myself. It's the Goldie-locks area for my personality with family and friends so they don't hate me.. and the fact that I'm actually great at cooking helps out with that as well.. I would imagine that if I wasn't good at cooking they wouldn't appreciate all the cooking I do during tough times for myself.. But we will never have to know the actual answer to that question, because everyone loves my food, so I just keep cooking and now it's the only thing that lights up my life in this dark world.

Cooking is what I want to be my career if I can't have my own restaurant eventually. Luckily yesterday I had received a call about a cooking position at this upscale restaurant that is about ready to open down town.. I had applied for it in hopes to get an opportunity to start cooking under some high up in the cooking world, chefs.. We have plans for me to meet the cooking manager on Monday to show him what I got and hopefully, it will lead to better things for me in this cooking world. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.. but I haven't told anyone yet.. mostly because no one cared to ask when they all knew I was applying for those jobs.. But I also don't want to jinx the idea of getting this job.. because this could be the next step of the rest of my life.. I think that's why I all of a sudden got the urge to change things for myself.. I want to start this trek up in my own world, but the only way to do it for someone like me, is to take myself out of my little box and exposing myself to the world.. That thought gets my heart racing a million miles a minute. It scares the living hell out of me, but I have to do this.

Putting that application in was the first big step I took for myself, besides moving here away from my coddling family to give myself better opportunities. I'm not going to ruin this amazing opportunity for myself because I'm scared.. I have to change. I have to do this for myself. This is my only way out of the prison I call my mind. Or at least I hope so.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by the girls dancing around the front room with the patio doors open so they can go in and out so easily.. This house is really beautiful.. It's on the outskirts of town and all I can do is thank that my friends are rich little daddy's girls who get everything they beg them for.. or I would have never known a place like this exists here.. let alone be staying in it. I don't know if I'm really going to be able to afford living here with them for long, with how expensive it is here, but I will enjoy it as long as I can.. and with me being the only one who cooks in this whole house, Hopefully they won't kick me out or just give me a break. But only time will tell. Song after song plays as we sing louder to the music having fun, changing the mood to the fun, upbeat one we all want to enjoy tonight.

I watch the girls move around with their gyrating dance moves, looking better then I ever could on my best day, making me feel more self-conscious than ever. I find myself just studying their moves as I cook, wishing I could move like that, but knowing if I tried that I would make a fool of myself, so I'm just going to stay in the kitchen hiding my small dance moves behind this island so I'm not noticed. The girls practically prance to the kitchen together holding hands.. They open the fridge to grab drinks for themselves, they pass each beer out to one another, except me.. then cheers their drinks together, before heading out to the patio. Even with these girls forcing me into these situations, I still don't really feel apart of it all.. They still do everything without me, making me feel like I'm not even here and sometimes it hurts.. like just now.. grabbing each other drinks to cheers to a fun night together while I'm standing right next to them and no acknowledgement thrown my way whatsoever.

I grab myself a beer out of the fridge spitefully, whether they want me to have one or not because I'm fun too. I pop it open as I hold it up and say to myself. 'Cheers to the first step of difference in my life. Here is to the new Taylor.' I chug the cold drink as much as I can but with all the bubbles it's not much.. But somehow after that little gesture, I do feel slightly different. I take another good chug as I smile bigger and continue with dinner.

I'm brought out of my calming thoughts as I hear a knock on the door across the room.. That sound makes my heart do backflips as I just continue to keep my head down and cook. Michelle prances across the room and to the door as she swings it open for the guys I'm assuming but I wouldn't actually know because I'm too scared to look up. I hear their voices carry across the room followed by girls giggling, showing the flirtatiousness being thrown out already between the guys and girls obviously likeing this idea for the night so far.

I just keep concentrating on the lasanga just blocking out the idea of them being there as I take another big chug of my confidence boosting beer. It's not helping as much as before but making me feel slightly better.

I notice everyone walk on past me as they make their way to the patio to enjoy the stunning view of the sunset as I am finishing up this part of the main course. The oven beeps, telling me it's ready for the lasnagna which ends up being perfect timing because I just finished putting this together. I take the oven mits into my hands as I pick up the big dish filled with delectable looking food to cook. I turn around slowly but get hit by one of the guys who just burst into the kitchen, spilling some of the sauce on me, but luckily not much and the dish wasn't ruined but it was close. But even his hands are gripping the outside of the dish to steady it as well. My jaw is ajar as I look up to meet my gaze with a very shocked looking guy. He obviously didn't see me or just wasn't paying attention with the beautiful dancing girls to stare at. He is of course good looking especially this close up.. His dark brown hair is falling in his face only slightly because of the abrupt stop. His big baby blue eyes show the shock even more than the rest of his face can.

"I'm so sorry ma'am." he says to me as my eyebrows furrow at that thought.. ma'am? really? Ugh.. that sucks. I groan out in annoyance at all of this as I take the dish out of his hands and say a soft. "No problem." I turn around away from him as I place the dish into the oven, start the timer then stand up and notice he is still standing here not doing anything but staring. "Is there something you need help with?" I ask him with a tinge of annoyace of him being in my way right now while I'm trying to feel better and get this taken care of. "Yes ma'am.. I was wondering if you would let me know where our bags will be put because I want to know what room I'm staying in.. and I was wondering if I could grab a beer? I don't want to be more in your way than I already am.. It smells great and looks delicious you're a hard worker for sure. They better be paying you well." The guy says this no nicely to me with his soothing tone... wait he thinks I'm a worker.

I roll my eyes at that thought.. of course he would.. I open the fridge grabbing a beer out and popping the top off before handing it over to him and saying spitefully.. "I don't get paid, nor care what room you put your bag in because I don't work here, I live here." His eyes go wide as he looks at me in total shock. I watch his strong jawline covered by a thin layer of hair showing he maintains his short beard, clench and unclench at that comment. "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend I just.. uh.. didn't expect you to be apart.. of this.." He stutters out nervously as I feel my eyebrows scrunching more in annoyance. "Why is that?" I ask with an unkown confidence as my hands go to my hips and I continue to make him more nervous because of my now offended stare.. "Well you just don't.. you know.. look.." he says gesturing to my outfit but doesn't finish his sentence. "You're right I'm nothing like them.. thanks for that.. shouldn't you be on your way out there to join them?" I ask him as I notice sauce that has ran all the way down the front of my flannel.. dammit.. no not my flannel.. this is my favorite one of my grandpa's shirts that I kept for myself after he passed.. I wear it all the time. Dammit. I have to get this stain out.