Relationships Are Hard
I lay here in bed, staring out the window. The brightly lit sun gazing back at me through the iridescent white curtains. Their lace trim melts delicate patterns on the soft beige carpet. My body struggled to find the energy, the will, to get out of bed. A single tear escaped my eye as it drifted over the curves of my face, finally dripping peacefully into the light grey sheets of the bed.
I knew he was with her. I had my suspicions about them last year. He talked about her constantly. He even went so far as to tell me that he would sleep with her if given the opportunity. I questioned if he was already sleeping with her, and his response was that she wasn't his type. She was too large, and too short for him. That I didn't have anything to worry about. But I did worry. It consumed me. Every minute of every day it filled my thoughts, its hands choked my heart, threatening to drain the life from me. I had to know. I had to find out if they were together.
Against every fiber of my being, I installed a tracker on his phone. It broke me to do such a thing. I was never one to be sneaky, or shady. To hide things from my partner. I felt so lost. I lost myself, who I am and my morals. Never would I have ever thought that I would stoop so low as to track my husband's conversations, his calls and texts and even his whereabouts. I was questioning who I was becoming, and I wasn't liking the answer.
My intuition was right, however. I saw the messages between him and her. The ones where she was convincing him that I didn't understand him, or his lifestyle. That I wasn't as good of a fit for him as she was. I heard the phone calls where they discussed the sore throat they both shared being the product of their passionate kissing. My worst fears were realized as I secretly joined in on their conversations. It all came to a head when he told me he was joining a friend for Thanksgiving. He even went so far as to tell me exactly who this male friend was, and how he didn't want him to be alone during the holiday. I had my suspicions, however, and I ended up discovering that my partner had met up for a romantic dinner with his mistress. Perhaps I was the mistress. It was difficult to tell which female was actually intruding on the relationship. I kicked him out after finding them together. He played dumb, of course, like nothing was going on and I was overreacting. That they were just friends. My anger boiled every time I heard him tell his friends that I was overreacting. Every time he told someone that I was crazy. He worked his way back into my heart. I clearly wasn't thinking correctly when I forgave him. When I believed what he said when he told me that nothing had happened between them. I believed him. Like an i***t I believed his lies. I believed it when he told me he loved me. I believed him when he told me I was the only woman in his life, and now I lay here, condemning myself for stupidly believing those lies. Love blinds you. It clouds your judgment and makes you forgive wrongdoings that you wouldn't forgive of anyone else.
Cole spent more time in his days with her than he did with me. They worked together. He chose to work a lot, leaving me alone most of my days. I didn't care that he worked with females. Men and women work together all of the time. I trusted him. But when our conversations always centered around her, around Maggie, I couldn't deny that something more might be going on between them. My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at the door.
"Luna Stella?" I heard the omega's timid voice call out as she poked her head through the crack in the door.
"Come in." I said, not stirring from the safety of my bed. "But don't call me Luna, please. I am not officially your Luna." I had been taking on the role of Luna for a couple of years now, but Cole had never marked me and made it official. In a way, I was glad he never did.
"Um…" She stuttered as she entered my room. I heard the clang of a metal tray against my wood table. "I…um…I brought you some breakfast."
"Thank you, Casey." I told her politely, still not stirring from my spot on the bed. I heard her hesitate before she quietly left the room.
I hated myself for being human. My mother was a human, and my father was an alpha. They knew it was a possibility that their children wouldn't get a wolf. I was the only one out of my three siblings who didn't. I was constantly picked on, put down and made fun of. By both my family and the kids at school. I didn't talk to my family much anymore because of it. They didn't seem to mind that I never came around, or spoke to them. I reached out a few times to my siblings, but they never responded. I finally gave up. I figured that if they wanted a relationship with me, they needed to reach out to me. I was done trying to reach out to them.
When Cole came into my life, he swept me off my feet. He acted like my biggest supporter. He had my back when no one else seemed to. He said he loved me for who I was. He didn't care that I didn't have a wolf. For the first time in my life, I felt accepted. We have been together since I was eighteen. Four years later, I thought we were going strong. Turns out, I was wrong. We lacked romance. He didn't go out with me at all. There were no dates. When we were in public he stayed at least two feet behind me. He wouldn't hold my hand or show any sort of affection towards me. The signs were all there. I just refused to acknowledge them.
I wasn't his first relationship either. He had had many relationships. He was even mated and married once. The only other person he ever marked. He told me she left him due to infidelity. That she had taken pregnant with another man's pup. But I'm starting to believe that he was the cause of the infidelity, not her. She was his fated mate. What should have been the love of his life. Destined to be one. Mates chosen by the moon goddess herself. But his inability to resist anything with two legs and a pair of nice t**s caused her to reject him and leave. Cole and I were chosen mates. I didn't have a fated mate. Not having a wolf meant that I would never find a soulmate the way a wolf would. I had to choose my mate. Cole chose me after losing his first. Thinking that he wouldn't receive a second chance mate. He settled for me. A wolf-less girl who would never give him the life he wanted. Who would never hold his attention or affection.
I stirred in bed slightly, lifting my head to see the contents of the tray Casey had set on my table. I needed to eat. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday. Cole had been out all night. Only returning home after work for a quick shower. He said he was out with friends all night. He might have been. But she was probably with him. He stumbled in the bedroom at around three in the morning, reeking of alcohol. When I woke up again this morning, he was already gone. I was his rebound from his marriage, and I knew it. He had struggled to find a girl after she left him. He said it was because he came on too strong and frightened them off. But for some reason, I was dumb enough to need him. I stayed, and now I was paying the price. I examined the large, square diamond ring on my left finger. Given to me with a promise to make me his Luna. His wife. I gently slipped it off my hand, tucking it back in the cushions of the box and placing the box at the back of the drawer of the night stand.
I sat up in bed. My waist length brown curls cascading over me like a protective fur. I needed to figure out a plan. He hated me. He was embarrassed by me. I have no idea why he chose me and why he wouldn't let me go. I don't think he did either. I had reached a point where I was no longer mad. I had no emotion to his deceit. I knew it was impossible for him to be honest with me, so I never asked him about her, or where he was every night. He wasn't going to tell me the truth anyhow. I knew I couldn't stay here any longer. I had nowhere to go, though. I had found him and left my parents house. I have never lived on my own. I have a little college under my belt, but an associate degree in general studies won't get me a sound job. With no money, and no job, I felt as if I was stuck here. I needed to get out. I needed to be free. Of him, of this prison, of this infidelity. I sat down at the table, reaching for a croissant. I would waste no more time wallowing in pity and sadness. Today would be the day I would get a plan.
