Second Chance

Chapter 9

It's been a week since I have been out of the hospital and it feels good to just be home in my own room. I was tired of seeing white walls and listening to all the beeping going on. Then on top of things, there was nothing on the t.v. You’d think hospitals would have movie channels or better cable than what they do have.

My room had more color on the walls than the ones at the hospital. I had black walls with neon colors splattered all over. Then I had posters of my favorite bands, as well as some of my photography photos decorating the walls. On top of everything, I wasn't allowed to get up at the hospital a whole lot unless it was to use the bathroom.

Things were slowly going back to normal at home. Although my dad wasn't to keen on me staying home alone, there wasn't anything anyone could do since everyone had jobs except Hope. For a 12 year I couldn't ask her to stay with me all the time, she needed to get out of the house. I didn't want to bring her mood down.

The treatment I'm on now was still taking its toll on me but I was getting used to it and made sure I was well hydrated, as well as eating. It didn't matter how much I ate though I was still losing the weight I should be putting on and it was getting frustrating.

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Today was a day I wanted to be lazy since everyone was out of the house. My mind started pondering what the future was to hold for me. Was I going to live? Would I be married? Would I even have kids?

I hope some of these happen. I wondered what it would like to date. I've never had a relationship except with the little boy I dated in the third grade. Would I ever get my first kiss or even have a first real date. Would I even get to wear a white dress and walk down the aisle on my wedding day? All these were my dreams but with reality, they seemed so distant to reach.

It's scary to think about the future and what it can hold for you. Whether the outcome is good or positive you'll never know but in your mind, you play out as many scenarios as you can and hope for the best in the end. I mean no one really knows what can happen, I can be getting better but at the end get worse. That's the scary thing when you have cancer, you're playing Russian roulette with your life.

With all the thinking that my mind has been doing, it wondered to Luca and what it would be like dating him. I'm sure he wasn't single with as good looking as he was. Also the fact Hope mentioned his ex-girlfriend has been around so maybe their back together. I really hope they’re not but who am I to say that. I’m just a girl with cancer who doesn’t stand a chance.

I took those thoughts and shoved them in the back of my head. There was no reason to be thinking about all that because I needed to get better first. The doctor wanted me to do another month with the new medicine before he checks my progress. This time around I knew not to give myself false hope on the outcome, I’ll have to take the results as it is and then go from there.

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I was woken up form a nap with someone ringing the doorbell. I don’t think I was expecting anyone unless Hope was home and didn’t have her key. It took me a few to get up and when I finally managed to get to the door, I was surprised to see Luca, Seth, and Hope standing there with food.

“Hey sis, we brought you some food. I didn’t know if you’d be up to cooking you anything so we got you some.”

I had to force a smile on my face because I really wasn’t hungry at all. “ Thanks, guys, I really appreciate that.”

Once inside Seth and Hope ran off to what I’m assuming is the kitchen to eat leaving me and Luca standing in the room. It wasn’t that awkward but at the same time it was, I mean what was I suppose to say, we haven’t talked in a while.

“Hey Leigh, How are you feeling?” He smiled at me and that had me swooning over him more, it made him look more attractive. On top of things, the nickname he gave me had me blushing and I'm sure I was red. I had to remind myself that we would never be and to stop living in a fantasy world.

“I’m feeling okay, just a little tired today. I’m just glad to be out of that hospital.”

“I bet, I know that Seth always hated when he had to stay there.”

I smiled at him and we both headed to the kitchen to go and eat the food they brought over. As we ate we all made small talk and I was glad we stayed away from any more talks of how I was feeling or anything related to having cancer. For once I just wanted to feel normal and not having anyone fuss over me being sick. Sometimes it made me feel like a burden because everyone was worried about me and not themselves. 

Luca and Seth stayed over for a couple of hours until Luca got a call from assuming his girlfriend. The way his facelift up when he took the call told me what I needed to know and that was that there was no chance with him.