Happy or not

Chapter 8

I didn't feel well. Not only did I have a headache, but I also had stomach problems. In the end, it turned out that I had a stomach virus and that I had to rest for a few days.

Those days as I lay in bed, I thought about everything. On the one hand, I was happy with Mike, who I loved madly, and on the other hand, I was unhappy because we couldn't be together. Happy or not? I did not really know how to feel.

I myself wanted to believe that Mike's life would be sorted out, and on the other hand I knew that he would never be free. After all, he himself would not want to easily decide to bond after that. He had been a slave to a neurotic and disturbed woman for too long, and he must have blamed himself for marrying a girl he knew nothing about so quickly. It taught him to be careful.

But as soon as I felt better, I wanted to see Mike, even though I almost swore to myself that I would end that relationship forever. But that urge to see him was stronger than anything, even unbearable at one point.

I missed him. I had to see that face, that smile, to kiss him and show him with my body how much I needed him. I called him. And again I found myself in his bed and burned with desire as I emotionally disintegrated. I collapsed, crying. I was ashamed of my tears because they had neither time nor place. I didn't even know how to explain them.

"Maybe you regretted coming," he said quietly. I thought you would never do it again and I started to put up with it. I thought ... I have nothing to offer you. What do you have with me? Nothing! Only s*x, a little food and some wine. And nothing else. We don’t watch movies, we don’t go out with friends, we don’t go for walks. I cannot offer you more because I don’t want to regret it later.

Regret? Later? – I asked him.

Yes, Kristina. My friend called me the other day and told me that Gabriela was released from prison. She was advised to have a baby by the psychiatrics. The baby might have changed her, they told her.

You know, Kristina, she is ready to do everything. That’ s why I am ready to run away and get lost. But, but if it wasn’t you…. From time to time…

What! Mike, please tell me?

You know! I am in love with you!

What! Tell me! What did you say?

I am in love with you and you know that.

No, I don’t. You have never told me. – I said.

Yes, I am but it’s time we break up until it becomes worse- he said.

I think it is too late for that- I replied and pulled him into bed again.