Grievous: Dhenmer Ramos

Chapter Eight

"It's really cozy here, I'm curious how you found this place." I said, eating my noodle with my chopstick.

"Gusto mong magkwento ako?"

I pursed my lips, I lifted my chin and slowly nodded my head.

"Yeah, alangan namang tumahimik lang tayong dalawa." Pinaglaruan ko ang noodle at hinalo-halo ito nang dahan-dahan.

"Because of Christine, we went camping together and found this place. Tin-tin's not a fan of vintage things and antiques but I do, I guess I got that from... Mom."

Ang akala ko ay ang tawag niya sa ina niya ay 'mama'. Pero imbis na isipin iyon ay tinanong ko na lang ang next question na nasa utak ko.

"Paano kayo naging close ni Christine?" I asked out of curiosity. "Nakita ko lang kasi na parang close kayo, pumupunta pa nga siya sa bahay niyo and she also seem close to your parents." Mapagkakamalan mong may something silang dalawa, pero baka katulad lang sila sa amin ni Hunter.

"You jealous?"

Tinignan ko siya ng masama. "I will stab you with this chopstick." I held the chopstick in a stabbing position.

Tumaas ang sulok ng labi niya. "You can be violent sometimes."

"I can be violent all the time if you keep f*****g with me."

"Feisty now, are we?" He chuckled while stirring his noodle. "Nah, Tin-tin and I are just childhood friends. It's actually us four. Me, Hunter, Christine and Amadeus."

Amadeus? Pati si Deus?

"Hunter also has a close friend, his name is Ahrlo. Are you friends with him, too?" I asked another question, susulitin ko na 'to habang mabait pa siya.

"Yeah, Hunter met him through me."

"You sure are friendly, kahit na nakakatakot ang first impression ko sayo." That's true. Just remembering his expressionless face and ice-cold voice gives me the chills. "I've notice something about you though. In just a short time na kasama kita, may na-notice ako sa ugali mo."

He hummed in the middle of eating, telling me to continue. I dropped my chopsticks, I stared at my pulse remembering how his hold feels like. Binuksan ko ang bibig ko, nagdadalawang isip kung sasabihin ba iyon sa kaniya.

"Ahm..." I cleared my throat, I stroked my wrist and lifted my chin to meet his gaze. I almost flinch when I found him so focused to me. "I... I notice how you hold on to something so tightly."

Kumurap siya ng ilang beses, walang nagbago sa ekspresyon niya. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa pulsuhan ko at bumalik sa mga mata ko.

"You noticed that when I held you, didn't you?" He put his elbow on he table and rested his chin on his hand.

"I-i'm curious, ganoon ka rin ba humawak sa mga bagay, hindi lang sa... ano... sa tao?"

"Did I hurt you with the way I hold?"

"Hindi naman, napansin ko lang na marahas kang gumalaw. Grabe ka makahawak, tapos makahila ka naman wagas. Sa ating dalawa, ikaw yata mas bayolente. Nakakatakot kang jowain." Bumalik ako sa pagkain, iniisip ang mga sinabi ko.

Kumunot ang noo ko nang hindi na siya nagsalita, tinignan ko siya at nahuli suyang tulala sa pagkain niya. Nag-alala tuloy ako na baka na-offend siya sa sinabi ko, dapat joke lang 'yon, tama naman ang tono na ginamit ko.

"P-pero..." hinuli ko ang atensyon niya, "ikaw rin naman 'yong tipong gusto ng mga kababaihan jowain. Pakiramdam ko, ikaw iyong tipong takot na mawala ng taong gusto mo. 'Yong type kasi ng mga babae ngayon ay 'yong possessive, violent and strict guy, like 'yong sa mga pocketbooks? Fifty Shades?"

He didn't seem interested at what I added, he seemed to be so focused on what I said first. He just stared at me for long that my heart thumped like crazy inside my chest.

"You don't like violence, don't you?"

I went immobile, sapol na sapol ako sa katagang sinabi niya. I bit my lower lip, I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"You don't like that type, right?" He repeated.

I didn't say anything, I kept quiet and dug my brains to find something to respond to him.

"You're right, Frances. I am that type."

I put my fisted hand on my lap and tried my best to avoid his intense stare.

"W-why, ahm, why are you like that?" Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko, kinakain ako ng kuryosidad ko.

"Hindi ko alam." Mahinang boses na sagot niya. "I'm possessive of the things I own, I'm aggressive and violent if things didn't go the way I want them to be. I had few relationships before, they couldn't stand my grievousness so they left."

Does he hurt his women? Does his aggressiveness includes hurting the people around him?

I stayed silent and didn't answer, I decided to continue eating and he did the same. Pinilit kong kalimutan ang mga sinabi niya at bumalik sa sandaling hindi ko pa narinig ang sagot niya sa tanong ko. Pero bakit ang hirap kalimutan? Bakit biglang nakaramdam ako ng konting takot?

Nang matapos kumain ay dinala ko ang mangkok sa lababo, binuksan ko ang gripo at nasurpresa dahil umaandar ito. Nakakagulat din na kumpleto ang kagamitan sa lumang cabin na ito, kapansin-pansin din ang kalinisan.

"Looks like you were prepared about your stay here." I cut the awkward silence between us and glanced at him over my shoulder. Hindi pa siya natatapos sa pagkain dahil pinaglalaruan niya lang ito gamit. Ang chopstick niya.

"I prepared it for someone special."

"Someone special?" I repeated in a whisper. "Hindi siya pumayag kaya ako nalang ang naisipan mong dalhin?"

He glanced at me for a second. "Something like that.

"Oh?" Dahil ba sa pagkamarahas niya? Sa ugali niya?

Hinugasan ko ang pinagkainan ko bago bumalik sa upuan ko. Maayos akong umupo, iniisip pa rin ang mga sinabi niya. Hindi ito maalis-alis sa isipan ko.

"Nakakarelax at ang cozy dito, sana pumayag na lang 'yong someone special mo." I kept up the conversation, covering my fear with a smile.

"Stop faking your smile. Nakakainis." Nakatiim ang panga niya at kumukuyom ang kamao sa taas ng lamesa. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at tumitig lang nang tumitig sa pagkain niya.

If he's that type, then why is he so gentle and careful when he touched my head and calmed me down when I was having an anxiety attack. The way he gently pat my head and the way his fingers comb by hair feels so soothing. If he's always violent, then why was he gentle that day? If he's possessive of his things then why did he let me sleep in his bed alone? Why?

I dropped my fake smile, my cheeks reddened while thinking of his soft lips. He did force himself to me but the way he kissed me was gentle, it caught me real good.

"Frances?"

I snapped into reality after he called my name, I looked at him with my flushed cheeks.

"Y-yeah?"

Is that the reason why I like him?

I felt his soft hand touched my cheek, napatingin ako sa kaniya na medyo malaki ang mga mata.

"You seem warm." He pulled his hand away. "You're not cold anymore?"

"A-ahm... oo." I looked away, I touched my warm cheek and closed my eyes tightly.

God, this is so embarrassing.

Ang alam ko lang sa nararamdaman ko ay hindi lang ito basta paghanga, it's more than that. Baka nga gusto ko na talaga siya, pero sa anong dahilan? Dahil ba minsan ay naging maingat siya sa akin? Dahil duon lang?

Kakakilala ko lang sa kaniya, hindi ko pa nga siya lubusang kilala para magkagusto ako sa kaniya.

"Frances?"

"H-hm?"

"Are you scared of me?"

I met his gaze, my face are still heating up because of my thoughts earlier. Hindi ko akalain na mas titibok pa ang puso ko kapag tumingin ako gwapo niyang mukha lalo na sa magaganda niyang mga mata.

I swallowed before answering. "N-no, why would I be scared? Hindi mo naman ako sinasaktan."

Sumandal siya sa upuan niya habang mapait na nakangiti. "So if I do, will you leave?"

"W-will you really hurt me?"

He stared at me, still smiling bitterly. "I don't know honestly, I've already hurt the people around me."

He already hurt the people around him, what makes me special? The right thing to do is to stay away from him and to not get involve with him again after this, but why is my heart against that idea? Is it possible to like someone in a short period of mine?

"I think I shared too much about myself. It's your turn, Frances. Why were you crying before I came to your apartment?"

I put my hands on the table, biting the inside of my cheek.

"Do we need to share our story to each other?"

"Why not? Ano pang pag-uusapan natin bukod duon?"

Huminga ako ng malalim. "What if I don't wanna share?"

"Your choice." He shrugged and stood up with his empty bowl. I didn't realize that he already emptied his bowl of noodle. Nilagay niya ito sa lababo at hinugasan.

Ano nga bang iniisip ko non bago pa siya dumating sa apartment ko?

I smiled bitterly, my fist clenched when everything came back to me. My uncle, my sufferings, my pain...

Ayokong pag-usapan iyon, ayoko ng balikan at isipan pa. Nakaraan na iyon, dapat ay kalimutan ko na. Sana ay hindi niya na pinaalala pa.

Pero dahil sa kaniya ay napagtantuhan kong hindi pa talaga ko nakaka-move on. Kinalimutan ko lang, pinilit ko lang huwag alalahanin pero ang sakit ay nasa puso ko pa rin, nasa puso ko pa rin ang takot.

"I-i'm sleepy." I said.

He looked at me over his shoulder. "You should go to sleep, I'll bring you upstairs."

I nodded and stood up, he walked towards me and grabbed my wrist. As always, his hold was tight but not too tight to hurt anyways. He lead me to the old stairs, some steps creaked as we go up slowly. The surroundings are calming and very peaceful, I'm sure I'll not struggle to fall asleep.

I just need to get my mind off the things I shouldn't think about. I believe that if I forget my past completely, I will move on for sure.

We entered a bedroom, it was dark but my fear was interrupted by the sudden appearance of the light.

The room is small but everything is clean, even the bed looks comfy even though it's small and only for one person. Siguro ay mag-isa lang ang taong dating nakatira rito.

"Hey, what about you?" Bumaling ako sa kaniya. "Where will you sleep?"

"I'll sleep downstairs, the room is all yours." He motioned his hand around the place, nilandas ko ang mga mata ko sa paligid at napalabi.

"But I'm scared." I pulled my hand away from him, I walked towards the bed and made myself comfortable by sitting on it. I hugged myself, getting very comfy with Dhenmer's jacket. "Can you close the balcony?" Tinuro ko ang balkonahe na kaharap lang ng kama.

Tumingin siya sa balkonahe, tila nag-aalinlangan pa pero ginawa niya pa rin sa huli. Sinarado niya ang sliding door na gawa lang sa kahoy.

"Thanks." I looked at the ceiling, there are few cobwebs and some tiny insects circling the light bulb. "Pwedeng magrequest ulit?"

"What is it now?"

"C-can you stay until I fall asleep?" I asked, my cheeks heating up in shame. I can't even look at his eyes and face!

Pull yourself together, Frances!

"You scared, mi amor?" He teased, but instead of getting annoyed, my cheeks reddened even more. "Okay, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. Go on and settle yourself down."

Ngumiti ako ng patago, tinanggal ko ang sapatos sa paa ko at humiga sa kama. Pinagsiklop ko ang mga kamay ko, pinatong ito sa tiyan at tumitig sa kisame. I inhaled the cold air and closed my eyes slowly.

"This is relaxing." I mumbled.

"Make yourself fall asleep." I heard him say, after that, a soft blanket covered my body. My eyes shot open and met Dhenmer's green ones, he raised his eyebrows at me.

"Dhenmer?"

"Yeah?" He stopped, he put his hand beside my head to support himself. His face slightly hovering mine.

"I had a great time, thank you." I smiled at him.

"We should staying up all night, but whatever." He shrugged. "Let's just skip the sunrise part."

"Sunrise?" My eyes widened. "Really?"

"It's still two hours before sunrise, if your're sleepy, don't force yourself to stay awake and go to sleep."

"But I want to see the dawn."

"I will wake you up."

"Promise?" I lend my hand out from the blanket and showed him my pinky finger, he looked at it and then at me.

"Really?" He chuckled.

"Really!"

He shook his at me in amusement, he showed me his pinky before accepting my pinky promise. We both chuckled because of the childishness we did. I dropped my hand, closed my eyes and sighed in contentment.

I was right, it wasn't hard for me to fall asleep since the surroundings is very calming, the bed is comfy and the air smells nice. Going here with him really relaxed me and calmed my panicky and anxious mind.

"That special someone of yours should have come with you." I mumbled, slowly falling asleep, but before I could even fell asleep, I heard him say something that's almost inaudible.

"She did."

She... did?

I opened my heavy and tired eyes, my visions are blurry but I can feel his face hovering over mine and his breath fanning my face.

"Twelve years, Frances." He whispered. Naramdaman kong humaplos ang kamay niya sa pisnge ko, lumipat ito sa buhok ko at marahan itong hinaplos. "I waited for you for twelve years."

Twelve what?

Finally, my vision cleared. Mahina akong napasinghap nang makita kung gaano kalapit ang mukha niya sa akin. Napalunok ako at bumaba ang tingin sa bahagyang nakaawang niyang labi.

He leaned closer and closer... until...

His lips landed on my forehead. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmness of his lips against my forehead that made me light headed once again.