The Assassin's Kryptonite

Kids

“I was trained hard but when I was given that first job, that first target, I refused. I refused and I was beaten so badly I needed to get stitches on my face. But then Kelly made me read his profile and I knew I had to kill him. if being a monster means I get to kill other monsters then so be it.”

“So, you’re saying that those 28 people whom you’ve killed are all bad people?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

I heard him sigh deeply. I turn my head and look at him. he looked conflicted and in pain. He looked like he’s so tired which I don’t understand why.

“I was thrown here because I failed to kill my last two targets. I could have killed 30 people Camille but the last two….” He sighed again shaking his head as well. “I just can’t. I’ve done my research and I didn’t find enough evil for them to be killed,” he explained.

“So, you’re like God, huh? You think your god and you have the right to give judgment to people?” I can’t help but sound bitter with my question.

I get it okay? I get that he only killed bad people and those people might have deserve to be killed. But it still bothers me how can someone just…. Just kill. I’m not a goody shoe kid of person. I never said that I’m a saint. I’m not even considered as kind. I’m a straight up b***h.

I prank people. I’ve fired more employees than we can hire just because I’m pissed at them. I’ve done pretty bad things. I’ve done a lot actually. I’m not called a brat just for nothing. But I’ve never. As in never have thought of hurting someone that can lead to their deaths.

I can’t even kill a f*****g fly! So how can a man just kill another person just like that? That’s what I don’t understand.

“Maybe,” he answered after a minute of silence.

“Maybe?” I can’t help but raise my brow.

“If you’re asking if I regret killing all those people, the answer is no Camille. I never regret killing them. I never regret inflicting them pain because they all deserve it. They deserve to die in a painful way. They deserve to feel pain for all the things they’ve done to other people.”

“I… I’m trying to understand. I’m really trying….” I exclaimed as I felt tears pooling on my eyes again.

“You don’t have to try hard if you really can’t Camille. It’s okay if you don’t even try at all. I just want to tell you because I don’t want to hide anything from you anymore.”

“O-Okay…”

“Do you want to ask me questions now?” he exclaimed looking at me.

“When is your birthday?” I ask which made him chuckle.

“Why? What’s wrong with my question?” I asked with my brows furrowed. He was just shaking his head like I gave him the funniest joke ever.

“I was just not expecting your question. I thought you’d ask me something…. Something extreme,” he explained.

“We’ll get to that later,” I exclaimed while still waiting for his answer to my question. “So, when is your birthday?” I asked once more.

“I was bought on November 10. I can’t remember when my real birthday is,” he explained briefly making my chest hurt in pain. How could… how could he live a life like that? I just can’t imagine how he was able to live like that.

“If you can’t remember your name or your birthday, how do you know your age?” I ask, confused. I know that he’s 22 years old because that’s what he said, but now I’m not sure anymore.

“They just believed that I was five years old back then.”

“What?!” I can’t help but raise my voice. “So, you might be eighteen for all we know?!”

“Maybe,” he exclaimed plainly like he doesn’t even care that much.

“Maybe?!”

“Yeah. I can’t remember anything so what can I do but just go with it?”

“Have you… have you tried looking for your parents?” I asked which I almost hit myself because of how insensitive the question is. I saw how his expression changed and I already knew that I ask ed the wrong thing. I was just curios!

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I know that’s insensitive of me, you don’t have to answer,” I tried to do damage control, but he just remained quiet and unmoving. s**t!

I just stared at him hoping that after minutes he’d start talking again. what? Did I make him angry? s**t, he won’t kill me just because I asked a stupid question, right? I mean he said he won’t hurt me, right?

“Trevor…. I’m sorry… please, I didn’t mean what I said or ask,” I exclaim like a lost f*****g puppy. I mean when did the tables turned? Why am I apologizing to him now? Have I truly lost my mind already?

“It’s okay,” he suddenly talked which made me sigh deeply. “I tried to,” he added.

“Tried what?” I asked confused.

“I tried looking for them. It took me years because I don’t even have a single information, I can’t even remember my own name. Kelly helped me as she was also looking for her own family.”

“So? Did you find them?” I asked eagerly.

“We were about to,” he answered which made me confused.

“What? What do you mean?”

“Kelly was just one step behind on finding them…. But I made her stop,” he exclaimed, and I immediately spotted the sadness in his eyes. I saw how he smiled which cant fool me because I know that he’s hurt inside. It’s not only him that got to know me for the past month, but I also learned about all his expressions. I witnessed how his eyes change. I see them all. I might still have a hard time identifying them, but I’ve seen them all already. And now, that expression on his face? I know that he’s sad. Very sad and it’s making my chest hurt as well.

“Why… why did you make her stop? Don’t you want to meet your family? Don’t you want to come back to them and have a normal life?” I asked. I asked like I was just talking about his family but deep inside, I knew my question was also for another thing that’s been bothering me. I wanted to know something without asking him directly.

“I wanted to,” he breathed deeply but I can hear his deep voice and I knew that’s a sign that he’s in the verge of crying. s**t! And why is the thought of him hurting and crying longing for his family making my heart brake into pieces.

“I wanted to meet them so badly…. I wanted to ask them what happened to me… what happened and why was I lost. I wanted to ask many questions. I wanted to know my real name, I wanted to know my parents’ name. I wanted to know if I have siblings that I could have taken care of. I wanted to know a lot of things. So many things….” He looked away but it was too late because I already saw how tears started streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry…” I couldn’t think of anymore to say. I don’t understand how I was able to feel his pain deeply. Or maybe because I have been loving and pampered by my parents all my life. They’re not always around but I always know, and they always tell me that I’m their priority. I knew that from the day that I was already able to understand the meaning of the word, I knew that I have a very happy family.

“It’s okay… you don’t have to say sorry.”

“So… why didn’t you? Find them?”

“I don’t want to drag them in the kind of life I’m living now. I’m an assassin, my world is the most dangerous and io don’t get to be on safety all the hours and all the days that I’m an assassin. I will never wish this life to anyone, especially to my parents,” he exclaimed.

“I’m sorry Trevor… I can’t think of any more to say. Just that I feel really bad and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Camille. I’m trying to be okay, and I believe that the time will come that I will be able to fully accept this fate.”

“But you don’t have to!” I can’t help but stand up from the bed so I can face him. he looked up as he stared at me with my hands on my waist like a mother scolding her child. “You don’t have to accept this fate! You can change it, Trevor! You can! Why don’t you just leave the mafia?” I asked completely clueless how his world is so complicated that a day wouldn’t be enough for him to explain.

“I have to,” he explained briefly as he averted his gaze.

“What? What do you mean? You still have a chance to change! As you’ve said, you haven’t killed any innocent people, that makes your heart good Trevor! That means you’re not evil like how you want me to believe.”

I know what he’s doing. I noticed how he doesn’t sugarcoat his words when it comes to the kid of life he has. He told me repeatedly how he’s an assassin. He told me repeatedly how he doesn’t regret any of it. I know what he’s doing. I know now. He’s making me hate him. and I wanted that to. I so wanted that to because to anyone who’s rational, that is the right thing to do.

But I just can’t.

I’ve tried hard, I wanted to hear all the bad things he has done because I thought that would do the trick and make my heart hate him. but hearing all of this? Seeing his eyes filled with emotion, filled with sadness? I just can’t… I realized I can’t… I realized how I wanted him to be healed.

I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to hug him tight and make him feel safe in my arms. I wanted to protect him. I wanted him to be in my life.

“I can’t Camille….” He exclaimed shaking his head once more.

“Why?! Why Trevor?!”

“Because people will die Camille!” he blurted out suddenly as he stood up as well. He was pacing back and forth, and I can hear him sighing very deeply.

“What do you mean that people will die?” I asked even though there are already ideas forming in my mind. I wanted to hear it from him because that would be the only time that I’ll believe. I wanted him to say it and not just rely on my guess because I was still hoping that I’m wrong.

“People will die Camille…. If I don’t kill my target, one of the kids…. One of the kids….” I sobbed with him as he can’t continue what he’s about to say.

“The kids…. The kidnapped kids…. They will die… and I can’t… I just….”