The Assassin's Kryptonite

Guns and Cigarette

“Stop treating me like a kid who doesn’t know a thing about her feelings. I might be a brat, but I don’t lie, Trevor. But then again, it’s not my fault if you don’t believe what I’m saying.”

I went outside the mansion and even when it’s still raining, I walked towards the shed. 

I’m so confused. I’m really losing my mind and I don’t think I’ll be able to hold out any longer. It’s like having two Camille inside of me. The other is very eager to go home and live a normal life while the other is confused as to what she wants to do. 

But there’s something that is common between them, that is Trevor. If I come back in the city and live the life I was used to, I want Trevor to be there. And if I stay here, I still want him to be with me. 

Funny how I’m supposed to be fearing for my life. Funny how I’m supposed to be planning about my escape. I’m supposed to be thinking of ways to contact my parents. I was kidnapped for Pete’s sake! And yet, here I am, crying silently waiting for Trevor to acknowledge my f*****g feelings for him.

How can he say that? And how can I care this much? Is it because it’s the first time that a man rejected me? Oh hell, it’s even the first time that I confessed first! Men flock to my feet! I don’t beg but why am I willing to do that for Trevor?

I waited for him in the shed. I waited patiently because that’s what men do in movies right? they’d make their woman upset but then in the end, they’d woo her. That’s what they do and I’m willing to wait in here for Trevor to do that. 

But then he didn’t come. The rain continued to pour, and I was freezing already but he didn’t come. Funny how I’m crying again when I thought that I ran out of tears already. Funny. Very funny. 

Did I read him wrong? I really thought that somehow, he liked me. That somehow, he cared for me. I mean how can he take care of my needs if he doesn’t care about my well-being right? Is that only because he’s nice? Is that only because I’m his f*****g job? 

Maybe. No. not maybe. I’m sure that’s just it. Bitterness filled my tongue, and I can’t help but feel anger towards him and myself. 

I even promised to redeem my dignity and all that s**t just so I can make myself feel better but when I heard the door open and I saw him walk towards where I am, it’s like my heart began beating again. It's like I ate all the hateful words that I just uttered a while ago. 

Am I this crazy for him already? Am I this stupid that just by seeing him I feel happy and contented? Oh my god I’ve turned into the kind of woman I don’t like. The kind of woman who I sniggered at. The kind of woman that I almost hate. 

I stared at him as he stood in front of me. I smiled but I immediately dropped it when he just stood there and stared at me. What’s wrong?

“You should go inside,” he exclaimed with the coldest voice he could give me that it almost felt worse than the cold breeze hugging my skin. 

“What?” I asked not even knowing what I wanted to hear. It’s like I’m waiting for something that even I know that’s not going to happen. I feel pathetic and useless.

“You should go inside. It’s cold here and I need to prepare our food,” he exclaimed with no emotions on his face. He walked past me as he took dried meat from the jar behind me. 

“Can’t we talk first? Don’t you have anything to say to me?” I asked hoping that he would finally take the hint.

“Why? Do we have something to talk about?” he exclaimed, and I almost stomped my foot with frustration. Why is he talking to me like I’m just a wind beneath him? Why is he speaking to me in such a cold manner? Did I do something wrong?

“Why are you like that?” I exclaimed, suppressing a sob. I don’t want him to pity me. Even though I already know that I’m pitiful right now, I still don’t want him to like me just because he pities me. That’s probably the worst feeling in the world, and I’d rather die than be pitiful.

“What?” he exclaimed as he looked at me with his eyebrow’s furrows. It’s like he’s pissed at something. No, he’s pissed at me. Why? Did I do something wrong? What did I f*****g do to receive this kind of treatment from him?

“Why….” I almost can’t utter what I wanted to say because I know that my sobs will come out any moment now. “Why are you treating me like this? Did I do something wrong?” I can’t help but look down as my tears began to fall down my cheeks. I don’t want him to see me like this. 

“Just go inside Miss Montellano. I’ll cook your food and you’ll just be making my work harder if you stay here,” he exclaimed and then went back to whatever he’s doing. What? What did he f*****g say?

Because of the anger and the pain I'm feeling, I immediately run back to the mansion. 

I thought I would feel better when he decides to talk to me. I thought that he just needed time to think. I thought we’re still okay. I thought wrong. I felt something different from him. I felt indifference with the way he stared at me. 

I felt chills run down my spine when I figured why I’m feeling that way. That’s the same look he gave me the first time I was here. That pained expression. That kind of face that changes in just a blink of an eye. The kind of face that would make you mad and confused at the same time.

Is that it? Will he treat me like a stranger once again? why? Because now I know his true identity? But didn’t I indirectly tell him that it’s okay? Yes, I know. I’m f****d in the head by loving someone who’s clearly a human manifestation of a red flag.

I know. I know that loving him is not probably the best thing to do right now but what can I do? Even when I try to get away from this place, my heart always sank like I left it here. In this very mansion which I loathed first but now I treat it as a home. As a safe house where nothing will ever happen to me. 

Fuck!

I really am down for him huh? I really am and here he is ignoring me like I have a f*****g disease.

The next days were the same. It’s like I’m living with a different person. We don’t eat together. He just gives me food and he’ll go away. I sleep without him because I don’t know where the f**k he goes and when I wake up, he’s also not by my side.

I tried hard to wake up earlier than I usually do but still, he’s not there. Or wait…. Does he even sleep here? To check and verify my concern, I went outside the mansion and there he is, in a hammock. He really doesn’t want to be with me huh? I went back inside with a broken heart. 

Why am I even staying anyway? Why can’t I just go and find my own way since he doesn’t seem like he wants me here. Why Camille? Why can’t you just go?

I slept again thinking of so many things. I woke up and I knew that the sun was already up because I was sweating. I immediately stood up from the bed and as usual, breakfast was already on the table. 

I ate and then went out to find the place so silent. Just as usual. I washed my hands and I sat on the hammock where he sleeps at night. It’s the first time I saw this here. Has he been sleeping in here for the past week? 

When I looked up, I felt the sunlight hitting my face. The weather is so nice and because of that, I finally have something to do. I went inside the mansion, took my clothes and a pail, gathered soap, and walked towards the falls. 

I immediately started washing our clothes because I’m afraid that it might rain again. I was busy washing the clothes when I noticed someone staring at me. Actually, not just someone. I can feel stares with an s. when I looked up, I was right. my heart started beating erratically when I saw a man, I don’t know staring at me. 

He was smoking a cigarette. He has a bonnet on and what made me tremble in fear was the gun in his lower abdomen. When I looked a little to the right, I saw another man who had the same gun. And then I saw another one. 

Who are these people? 

And then it dawned on me. Trevor told me that we’re not alone on this island. That the mafia is here. Maybe I was so engrossed in whatever we were talking about that I wasn’t able to think about the details that he just told me. 

I immediately gather the clothes even when I’m not done washing them. I can’t stay here. I was about to stand up when I felt someone’s presence on my back. I looked up and saw Trevor staring at me. 

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed, and I don’t know if it was just me, but I felt his annoyance as he stared at me. 

“I’m obviously washing our clothes,” I can’t help but give him a taste of his bitchiness as I averted my gaze. I didn’t even do anything and yet he’s already annoyed at me. He’s so unfair! Is he treating me this way because I already confessed that I like him? it’s a good thing then that I didn’t say I love him because if that’s the case, he might be doing worse to me now!

“You should’ve left that alone and let me do it,” he exclaimed.

“I just thought that it’s okay to finally wash the clothes because the weather is fine…. And I don’t have anything to wear anymore!” I exclaimed remembering how it had rained for almost a week and we didn’t have the chance to wash our clothes. 

“Leave it there and let me do it,” he exclaimed as he sat beside me. He started taking the clothes out of my hand and started washing them with the soap I also brought.

“I can do it,” I insisted. I just want to feel useful; Is that why he hated me? Because I'm useless to him? Because I’m just a hindrance to him? 

Well, I don’t know a lot of things but I’m very much willing to learn! Hasn’t he taught me how to wash the clothes and a lot more things for the past month?

“Just go back to the mansion,” he exclaimed without looking at me. 

“I can’t,” I answered without moving.

Finally, he looked at me and even with his piercing eyes, I found comfort that he’s here beside me. I’m really down for him. that I’m sure off.