Blue Eyes I First Saw

Chapter 18

We walked and roamed around Metro Tokyo side by side. Our arms are entangled while walking on the streets, even in crossing the pedestrian lanes. I miss this lady so much that made me disregard what she had done. 

I guess that's how forgiveness works. You forgive without explanation and move on to life. 

Wandering around makes our feet sore, we may still have a lot of time but it is worth it as Faya kept on talking about things we used to do and how she missed everything in it. 

I wonder if she'll believe me if I tell her about Souru— the ghost kid. I disregard the thought, I can tell that to her some other time after the both of us catch up to each other's living.

“. . .and imagine how awfully dramatic I was to see Maple leaves last autumn thinking that Minoo is one of your favorites . . .” Faya's blabbering is endless. Minoo is a Japanese delicacy, deep fried Maple leaves. I miss eating those with her.

“. . .and oh! It's Spring and you know what? Last year, the Cherry Blossom flowers looked very unpleasant to me because I'm not with you to eat Odawara! Imagine such delicious food without you? It's incomplete! It tastes bad!” Odawara is our comfort food, we ate those almost all the time before. It's a Japanese Cherry Blossom pickled with salt and Shiraume vinegar. We even made our own recipe for it. 

“We should cook our own Odawara recipe.” I suggested having a lower voice volume than Faya. 

“Oh em gee! Yes! Let's do that sometime! Oh em! I can foresee it in my mind! Us, studying together again while having an unli meal! I can't wait!” the way her eyes glimmer makes me smile. Her excitement is contagious that made me giggle while walking.

Some people glanced at us for her loud voice but she seemed not to care. She's so carefree like she used to and seeing it now again is so refreshing. I haven't seen this side of Faya in a long time.

“Sei, do you know that man?” she asked, pointing across the road, her giggle is still present.

I traced her finger and saw Zire who waves his hand when our eyes meet. I gave him a small smile and nod before turning my eyes to Faya who has a beet red face.

“Oh em gee! He winked at me! Gosh! Sei!” her hands are shaking me like a doll. “He's so handsome! How did you know him! Oh em gee!” she almost jumped while walking.

Right. I almost forgot that Faya is a good-looking finder. She likes almost all the handsome boys in our junior high school before. She has a long list of crushes.

“He is Zire.” I said calmly but, then again, shrieked. 

“He is so handsome like his name! Like a model! Saint Valentine might have arrowed me to him!” hell, my lady is a word machine. 

“What number is he on your list, Fay?” I chuckled. 

“One! He's the one!” Damn, she's cheesy. 

“You might need a rest, enough of the cheesiness. It's making me cringe.” I said with a chuckle.

The train station is getting near our tracks and we're about to part ways since she is going to Minato while I go home to Shibuya.

I sat on the train with a smile reminiscing the day with Faya. Things are getting better and I do hope my parents had better dialogues on my unpassing score. 

I owe Souru a lot. He's the reason why I'm still here feeling close to being brand new. Because of him, my friendship with Faya rebuilt again, and because of him, the betterment of my life slowly started. He made me realize the things I was about to throw out days ago.

Feeling calm and happy, I pulled out my assessment paper on my satchel and stared at it for the rest of the ride. I must stay on my track while enjoying my life. 

Hiding this paper won't hurt me that much, right? I'll promise to retake and pass this, I'm just not yet ready to face the consequences that my parents hold. For me to heal I should take a break from their expectations and live for myself.

I sighed. I hope Souru gets the peace he deserves. 

The train stopped at Shibuya Station and I went back to my feet on my way home. I'll meet Souru again and study a bit for tomorrow.

I took a quick shower and picked out the clothes to wear. I put on my jeans, shirt, and jacket with a black and white palette, then put on some extra clothes on my backpack with my iPad, syllabus and pens for ‘what if’ purposes. I let my jet-black hair straight cascade down my back and wear a plain white cap. Maybe I can visit Guki or a shrink tomorrow.

With my belongings, I set my black cross trainer sneakers out of the gate and went to Aokigahara.

I wonder if I can get a car. Maybe when I make my parents proud enough they'll give me? Or maybe when I reach college? I should work harder for that but, I should heal myself first.

Healing is my topmost priority. 

“Souru?” I called as soon as I step on the familiar moist cool soil of the suicide forest.

“Souru?” I called again. My voice is echoing through the woods. “Souru?”

Did he leave? Where is he? 

Clutching the phone and strap of my backpack, I let the light from my phone slice the darkness on my tracks. Maybe Souru is on the tree when I first saw him. 

The wind blew my long hair making it a mess, the coldness made me shiver until I heard a sob. Souru's sobs, worries filled my whole being and traced the root of the sound. 

On the tree, Souru is standing aside, his back is facing me but his shoulders are shaking.

“Souru . . .” I whispered and almost sounded like a sob.

I walked near him and saw a man— a human like me, walking away from us. Souru is looking at him. 

“Do you know him?” I asked in a whisper. Did the man see him?

Sad blue eyes with tears streaming out of it stared at me. Souru's face is filled with sadness like the first time I saw him. He then plastered a small smile at me. 

“You're here. Again?” his chuckle cracked.

Damn, I feel sorry for him. “Is there something I can do?” 

He shook his head almost immediately and looked at the man who is now unseen in the woods. He turned his eyes on me and smiled. 

“What brings you here, sister?” he said, trying to find humor in his voice.

“I just want to talk to you.” I shrugged and hoped that he'll talk about why he is crying. 

“Talk? Your bag speaks camping.” he forced a chuckle again and began walking. I followed his tracks. “Aren't you feeling tired of going back and forth here from Metro Tokyo?” 

“Not at all.” This place is like my new haven away from the things that make me anxious. “And I'm not really from the Metro, I live in Shibuya City.”

The afternoon light invaded my eyes and I looked at Souru, questioning him where we were going. 

“We're not going anywhere. You should stay out of the darkness.” he simply stated and sat on the root near the forest's exit. “Darkness feeds anxiety.”

I sat on the other side of the root and nodded. I wonder how he knows that, maybe based on his own experience?

“Did you— I'm not asking you to do what you should but, do you visit someone who can help you? Like a psy— doctor?” his hesitation made me chuckle. He is so adorable that he thinks I might react badly.

I shook my head. “I'm planning to visit a shrink or my old shrink tomorrow.” 

A small smile crept on his lips before nodding. “Glad to hear that so . . .how's life?”

I beamed. “My best friend— Faya, talked to me! We're back and rebuilded our friendship though she still doesn't give me reasons for avoiding me but, at least we're back to being friends!”

“She's the one you talked about on your breakdown, right?” I nod. “See? Things are getting better.” he smiled, a reassuring one.

“But I got an unpassing score that will make my parents . . .you know.” I can't believe I'm just chuckling at the thought instead of overthinking it.

“Just pull it back on your next take.” 

“That's what I'm planning.” I shrugged and remembered Zire. “I saw Zire today, Faya actually likes him but, the point is I saw him after last night. Zire is the man who took care of me last night. The one who waits for me, if you still remember.” 

“Yeah . . .right.” then a long pause. What's up with him by the mention of Zire?

“Did you know about Zire?” I asked nonchalantly.

He seemed taken aback by my question. “Well . . .uhh.” He clears his throat. He knows Zire, I can tell. “No? Yes? A bit? He always went here to the forest searching for . . .something.”

I nodded. “What does a man like Zire search for here?” I'm being nosy. “Nevermind.”

“Did you meet his friend—” he closed his eyes and deepy sighed. His friend? Zire's friend? “I didn't say anything.” okay? 

I pull my backpack and place it on my lap, getting my iPad and opening it to life.

“Wow! Is that an iPad?” he said in amazement, Souru's eyes dilated. “I don't have technology like that.”

“You can have it now.” I offered it to him and realized that he might not hold it. I'm being insensitive to him. I sighed, “Sorry.”

“It's fine. Can you go through on google and find a digital book to read?” 

I politely obliged. “I actually have books here, my parents are obsessed with books.”

“My brother's other siblings are his books.” he chuckled and I smiled.

“You have a brother?” he's pupils dilated once again in happiness.

“Yes! He's smart and always stuck his nose on the pages. He took care of me when our . . .parents died.” 

I felt bad. “You might see your parents soon, then?”

He nodded. “Hopefully. But, I am still not sure. I don't want to leave my brother.”

“I can help you—”

“Sei.” he cutted my words off. “Let's read on your iPad, shall we?” Souru might still not be ready to open that side of his story.

I browse through my iPad and read books with Souru. He's so interested in reading and his determination to learn is contagious. I felt smart while letting the lessons sink through my brain. 

We read physics, chemistry, biology, and calculus, which I find hard but, Souru enjoyed every equation in it. He really is smarter than I thought.  A lot of opportunities awaits him if ever he is still . . .alive.

I brushed my thoughts off and wondered about Souru and the things I can help him with. From our conversation earlier, he is still unsure about leaving the living world because of his brother. Maybe the help he was talking about before is his brother. I sighed, feeling sorry for both of them.

“Souru.” I called.

It takes a minute before he glances at me from the book he's reading on my iPad. “Yes?”

“You can come with me to Tokyo.” I offered. We can talk more if he's with me and he might see his brother on the Metro. 

A sad smile stretched on his lips and sighed, a deep one.

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