Blue Eyes I First Saw

Chapter 16

He eyed me before taking a very deep breath. “I hang myself.” Souru answered in a clipped tone.

“Because?” I prompted. “It's sensitive but I want to know at least the surface of it? I may help you in some ways I don't know?”

“Sei, you really don't need to help me.” he sighed and looked at his feet. “I don't want to bother anyone.”

“That is why we're siblings, perhaps?” he looked up at me with curiosity in his eyes. “We don't want to bother anyone that is why . . .” I act my hands like a rope. “. . .we find rope as a way.”

He nodded. “Yes, but it's the consistency that makes us different.” 

“Maybe, but maybe not. What you've endured and is enduring isn't what I endure. It's the experience, how we can cope, and our decisions in life.” it's the most motivational words I can say but, this kid is going the side way to avoid my question. “You can tell me a clue about what happened to you, Souru.”

He sighed in defeat and I grinned. “Bullying.” my grin vanished in less than a second. He humorlessly chuckled. “It's pretty obvious on the way I look, I think.”

I bite my lip to not form a word. I can't imagine a kid as adorable as Souru getting bullied. That thought is disturbing, enough to make me tear up picturing how bullying goes. 

“It's a long term bullying, Sei.” he started and I looked away and fixed my stare on my feet. “I am from Sendai and we settled here after my father died. I was so thankful because my brother managed to let me study at Kokusai Koko yet it turns out I shouldn't be.” I heard him sob so my eyes flew to him. 

Souru is crying and it makes me cry too. It pains me to see someone crying. If I can just console him with my embrace— I can't.

“From grade seven until I reached my tenth grade, they bullied me, Sei. They didn't get tired of bullying me.” his sobs became loud and I held my chest as emotional pain consumed me. 

Souru is like a kid, a poor kid who's complaining to his sister. He is in pain and has a sister who can't do a thing for my brother.

“I can manage their verbal abuse, I can take that. I can still go home to my brother with a smile with that but, S— Sei, they hurt me. T— they locked me in a room, they threw me things, everything that I can't show myself to my brother who is working hard to make me enter high school.” he cries with me.

I feel helpless. To think that, I am in my dilemma so much better from what he is enduring— I felt pain and regret.

“All I have is my brother. I can't make him feel terrible and I don't want to disappoint him but— I left h— him.” Souru's voice broke and is followed by his sobs.

Solidarity as this is but, I cried with him even harder. I wish I was there. I wish I could take that pain from him. He is such a kind boy, he doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve to leave the world too soon. No one does.

“I— I want to hug you but, I know it's impossible. I'm so sorry, Souru.” my voice broke. My heart is broken. The kid in front of me is broke.

“Can . . .can I?” he looked me in the eye with hesitation. I let myself midst of the fact that I don't know if he can.

I gently close my eyes as he scoots over me slowly until I feel cold in his invisible embrace. It gave me goosebumps and I shiver a bit before I let myself relax.

Feeling the coldness he is giving and hearing his sobs just near my ear makes me cry even more. 

This ghost literally meant his words about regretting what he had done. Souru meant every word he said and it hurts to think that all of it happened.

Souru is a strong kid who endures it all by himself when he still lives. He endures it all and still shows his smiles to his brother after what he has been going through at school. He's tough enough for me and I am now more than willing to help him. Not to pay back his kindness and heroic stunt on me but, to let him have peace, it's all I can do this kid. 

After a brief moment, Souru pulled away from his embrace and sat in front of her again, now with a small smile on his bruised handsome face.

“Thank you, Sei. That made me feel lighter.” he said shyly and I smiled in return. “Let's cut the drama. Are you still not going back to your home? It's past midnight.” 

With that thought, I pulled my phone from my pocket and unlocked it. Five to one, it showed and my body automatically stood up making Souru chuckle.

“Zi— the man must be wandering outside.” he said and I just nod. I don't feel like going home but I should rest and prepare myself for tomorrow. “Let me accompany you to the entrance.” 

Souru walked on the moist soil and I followed. “So . . .how can I help you?” I brought up the forgotten topic. I badly want to know.

He shook his head and I saw a ghost of a smile on his lips. “I need you to be healed first.” 

Healed? What? “Heal? What do you mean?” I'm not ill or what why would he want me to be healed—

“You can deny it now, but you admitted it before midnight came. Your anxiety needs to be healed, Sei.” he said carefully in a very calm voice.

I sighed. “But my surroundings— my nature aren't going to help.” 

“Because you don't let them to.” Souru simply said that made my mouth shut.

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