Blue Eyes I First Saw

Chapter 25

I sighed and looked at the outsides of the forest. Stepping out from the arc to see what's going on with the silence that embraces the whole forest. It's normally silent but the nervousness radiating through me is not helping to calm me down. 

“Can your brother . . .see ghosts?” I asked Souru. If his brother can, then this will be easier but if not. The thrill and hardship will begin, I'm sure of that.

“He can't and doesn't believe in that. He's a man of science.” I bit my lower lip at that and nodded.

Myself was also a lady of science yet now, paranormal things may be still present with science. Time and experience really can change a lot of things.

I have to get my explanation ready for his brother. He must believe me one way or another that Souru is now a ghost. But then, a person who is longing and desperate can be close minded, focusing on his goal to find Souru. Emotion drives someone when it comes to their loved ones. 

“Sei, if you're not comfortable doing this, you can leav—”

“No. I want to do this. I won't leave.” the serious tone I got made Souru nod. “This will all be good. In God's will and time.” 

Souru smiled at me. “Puhon.”

“Huh?” is that a word? “What's puhon?”

He chuckled at me. “It's a word, Sei. A Filipino word.” 

My mouth formed an O at that. “How did you know that?” Do English or Japanese dictionaries have added that word? Well, obviously not, right? It's a Filipino word.

“From some of my Pinoy classmates before. It means in god's time.” he explained.

“Wow.” Pinoy are the Filipino people and that word is beautiful. “I learned something today. Thank you.” 

“They have a lot of beautiful words with beautiful meanings.”

“Languages are beautiful.” I replied and felt the nervousness again. “Are you ready to see your brother?” 

He nodded and sighed. “Not that I didn't see him these past few months but, it feels different knowing that he might believe that I am here with you.” 

What? “You lost me. What do you mean by past few months?”

“He went here, in the forest, almost four times every week since December . . .” his voice broke again. “. . .they don't see me. They can't see me.”

My brows slightly frowned at that while I'm again in pity for my ghost brother. 

“Can you describe your brother, physically?” I want to be sure. Someone might visit this suicide forest and I might commit a mistake. 

Souru wiped his own tears and nodded. “He's tall and good looking. Always wears a serious face but he's joyful with me before. I haven't seen him smile for two years now.” a sad smile plastered on Souru's face.

I can picture them together in my head. Souru and another man taller yet looks like him bonding in some library studying together with a smile on their faces. How cute it would be having two pairs of blue eyes with brotherly love together.

“He has ocean blue eyes, and uhm . . .” I raised one of brow at that. “Looks like my father,” he sighed.

“I'm sorry.” I sincerely said and Souru smiled at me. “We'll make your brother believe that you are here. I promise.” 

“Thank you, Sei.” 

“Your welcome, brother.” 

Minutes turned to hours of waiting. The meals are now on my stomach as I eat those while me and Souru waits for his brother. The trash is now inside my tote bag folded neatly to throw away later.

As I tapped my feet on the moist ground, my thoughts wandered about Seikatu. My instincts might be true about him . . .or not. He can't be the one I followed on the streets of Metro Tokyo. To think that I followed him before because I mistook him for Souru made my hunch more clear to me. 

I hope it's not him. I do hope he's not.

My nervousness grew even more when I heard Souru whisper his brother's name. The lump on my throat is back and I bite my lip very hard as I move my gaze from my feet to the man walking, more like half running towards where I am.

If the ground can swallow me, please do it now.

My hunch was right and there's no way I can change the fact that Seikatu was the man I followed on the streets and also Souru's biological brother.

Near beside me was Souru waiting for his brother to be in front of us wearing a sad smile and his sad sapphire blue eyes. While, from afar I can see how Seikatu heaves his breaths and how his face is filled with worry and longing. His ocean blue eyes are watery based on how it twinkle. 

Weeks ago, I didn't imagine myself witnessing such an event yet, I'm the one who made it possible today.

I look at Souru once more before pushing myself to stand up and wait for Seikatu. My dark brown eyes are fixed on the ground to make myself at ease. Seikatu's eyes are something that I can't stare with for a long time.

“Where's my brother?” that's the first thing I heard when he stepped in front of me while panting. 

I lifted my eyes a bit to see Seikatu looking around the area with sweats running on his forehead and neck. I gulped and turned to Souru again, unable to think straight.

“Miss, where's Souru? Where's my brother?” Seikatu asked again and I couldn't form a word. “Souru!” my tears brimmed as he shouted his brother's name. “Uru!”

“Where's my brother?” he kneeled in front of me, which made me cry more. “Please. Tell me where my brother is.” 

Sobs filled the entrance of the forest. One from Seikatu, one from me, and one from Souru whom I can only hear. 

“S— Seikatu.” I finally say.

“Yes. It's me. Where is he?” he responded in a hurry, eager to see his brother. “Please tell me.”

I lifted my shaking hands and pointed it to where Souru was standing. Tears are making my vision blurry but I saw how Seikatu ran inside the forest leaving us— me and Souru crying.

“He didn't see me.” the words left Souru's lips.  

“I'm s— sorry.” 

“It's fine, Sei. I know he won't see me.” I shook my head at that.

If only I told him that Souru is dead or is with me as a ghost, things might change a bit. I sighed and gathered all my courage before walking inside the suicide forest once again.

“What are you gonna do?” worry with panic is evident on Souru's voice as he followed me. 

“Uru!” I can hear Seikatu's voice echoing the woods of Aokigahara forest. “Souru!”

“I'll talk to your brother.” determined, I followed Seikatu's voice through the woods with the help of my iPhone's torch, a little light that slices through the darkness.

“Souru! Uru!” The manly voice is full of pain and is broken.

The combination of pain and pity etched on me as I heard the voice louder. Clutching my phone and the strap of my tote bag tighter, I finally saw Seikatu being miserable on the very tree where I first met Souru.

Tears cascade down my cheeks again as I walk near Seikatu who is crying in silence.

“Mr. Ike—men?” my voice almost fades. I got no response and what I did next is . . .insane.

Wet blue eyes stared at me as I put my shaking palm on his back— attempting to console him by it.

My eyes stared back at those pairs of blue eyes, I felt something inside me tingles— I can't explain. This was like the first time I saw him on the street, when those pairs of blue eyes pierced through me. My palm stayed on a part of his back and I couldn't move, I just stayed like that— no, we stayed at that for a minute or so— I don't know, I lost my count.

The cold wind blew and that's how I went back to my sane reverie. My palm detached on Seikatu's back automatically like it had been burned. 

“I'm sorry.” I took a step back and saw Souru on the other side of his brother, across me, looking at his brother intently.

“Where's my brother?” Seikatu asked me calmly with a broken voice. 

“He's— he is . . .” I look at Souru once again before taking a deep breath. “P— please believe me on whatever I'll say.” 

Disregarding my last statement he repeated his question once more and faced me. Towering in front of me was Seikatu who may look miserable because of his tears but still has both a brooding and intimidating aura that radiates in him.

“Your brother is . . .d— dead.” I said very carefully.

Seikatu scoffed, forgot the tears and all. He just stood there like a brooding tree of intimidation. “Come again?” 

Souru sighed and shook his head in defeat. “He won't believe you, Sei.” he said to me but I know Seikatu might still believe or just hear me.

“Souru is d— dead.” I repeated and I saw how those blue eyes of his turn from sadness and pain to irritation. 

Pushing his tongue inside his cheek he looked up and down first before taking a very deep breath. “Bullshit.” that whisper made me gulp.

Taking a step back. His hand massaged his temple lightly and sighed. “I never thought that someone would pull a prank like this.” he whispered to himself.

“It's true!” I said that made him look at me again. “Souru is dead! I talked to him! He committed suicide on that tree two years ago!” catching my breath and looking at the tree near us, I continue. “He— he hanged himself in there.”

“No.” Seikatu answered sternly. “He will never do that—”

“But he did—” my words flew to the wind as Seikatu made my back incline flatly on a tree's trunk. With his hand on near my head he sighed again and looked at me. My eyes almost grew on how near he was to me. Not because I'm scared or my fear of being touched but because every part of my skin tingles.

“Listen.” the blue eyes look at me with sharpness. “Souru won't do such a thing. He won't kill himself. He is my brother and I know him.” he licked his lower lip and looked at my dark brown irises. “He. Is. Not. Dead.” then Seikatu moved himself away, turning his back to me with his hands on his waist. Like he's calming himself.

Me, on the other hand, stayed inclined on the trunk feeling weak and catching my breath. 

“Sei.” I closed my eyes and bit my lip as I hear Souru's voice. My mind forgets about him being here with us, witnessing what happened.

Again, if this moist soil or this cold trunk can swallow me, please do so.

I feel ashamed and weak. “Sei, are you okay?” I nodded and sat on the ground to catch my breath. “Give up, okay? He won't believe you but thank you for doing it for me.” I nodded as a response again. 

As I open my eyes, I saw how Seikatu walk away going towards the entrance of the suicide forest to leave.

“Seikatu!” I found myself chasing him on my feet. “You really have to believe me!” 

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