Reclaiming Her Heart

Chapter 9 - Silent Yearning

Jadea

As I drifted through the clouds of slumber, I heard the infectious tinkling of sweet, innocent laughter in the air.

I couldn't help it. I was drawn to it. Like a moth to a flame.

It took a moment, but the memory shook loose.

I was at the Knight Ranch in Wyoming. I was home.

And I was hidden behind the door to the laundry room, snickering quietly to myself while I hid from Aidan and Anika. They asked to play hide and seek. And so, the band and I obliged them.

They already found Blade and Derrick. They were on the hunt for the others...

Anika came running into the laundry room, at Blade's recommendation, and her eyes landed on mine. "Gotcha!" she squealed as I chased her out and caught her. Tripping, I fell with her landing safely on my chest. We all burst out laughing. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have this experience. To know this joy and happiness. It was something I always thought would be out of my reach, seeing as I couldn't have my own children.

Yet, here I was.

Anika simmered down and those big blue eyes of hers looked down at me. Her hands tracing my face and delving into my hair. I closed my eyes at her innocent, curious touch. Enjoying every moment. "Momma?" she asked, and my heart melted in my chest, as it did every time they called me that.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I asked.

"Why do you keep your hair short?"

I chuckled at her random question. I shrugged. "Because I like the style."

"Will you grow it out for me? I want to braid your hair." She stated so seriously, and then she got distracted as Aidan went screaming by with Garret hot on his heels. And then she was up and chasing after them, not wanting to miss out on any of the action.

"What in the world is going on here?" a different voice asked. A voice I did not remember, yet it was so familiar. It sent shock waves through my body, igniting every cell and making my heart swell with love. This had to be him.

Adam.

My gaze sought his and the moment our eyes locked, he brushed his mind with mine.

"Oh, nothing too much," Blade sighed impishly. "Other than Jadea's going to be sporting a new hairstyle."

I felt Adam's curiosity swirl through my mind as he sought out the reason for Blade's comment. And when he had his answer, I could feel and see how intrigued he was to experience me with long hair. Hair that could be braided and used when doing very intimate things...

Suddenly, the dream shifted, and I was standing on a stage before a huge crowd. Everything in my life seemed to be perfect, until the shot rang out and a pain like no other tore through my head. I fell to the ground, my world going dark.

***

I bolted upright, my body aching painfully from sleeping on the ground.

I groaned as I stretched my back and neck before crawling over to the bed and flopping onto it. The cuts along my inner thighs were still jagged and red. Though they were not bleeding anymore. I wasn't healing as fast as I should have been due to the demon's blood running through my veins. But that was okay.

Peeling my eyes open, I looked towards the curtain. It was still dark outside. Which meant I had time to unpack the dreams I'd had.

Laying on my back, I closed my eyes and concentrated.

That dream felt too real to just be fantasy. I was certain that was a memory that had shaken loose.

And what a memory it was, I thought to myself, my throat clogging once again. My heart aching for those children. For my pack. For Adam. For the family and life I lost.

Aidan and Anika were both beautiful children in heart and soul. I longed to hug them again, to hear their laughter and to just simply exist in their world. Simply hearing their laughter in my dreams healed me in ways I couldn't explain.

Then there was Adam.

Adam.

He was my true mate. I couldn't deny that. Especially since we were a bonded pair. There was no denying that kind of soul-defying connection. As much as I wanted to understand it, to know our story, I knew that wasn't going to be possible now.

He was a strong alpha, for a turned wolf. And not only that, he and his wolf co-existed well. Much like my wolf and I had back then. He was full of life and vigor. His intentions and feelings true.

It would have taken something significant to break such trust. To force Adam to sever our mate's bond.

The severed mate's bond could also be playing into my tumultuous emotions and deep depression, I reasoned. A separation like that... It had severe consequences. For both parties.

In my heart, I knew Silas was lying about Adam and what actually happened to me.

With this memory having shaken loose, I knew one thing for certain: I had to escape, and soon.

***

Some more time passed.

While I was anxious to get away, I was biding my time. I wasn't ready to run. Not yet. Silas was uneasy. I could see it in his gaze. He was on high alert, almost knowing I didn't trust him. Knowing I had caught him in some type of lie, even though I couldn't definitively prove it.

I withdrew into myself. I became more cautious. Quieter. I fell into line. Praying my silent compliance would ease Silas's concerns.

It seemed to work.

At night, I tried to figure out how to shake more memories loose. It never worked.

I became desperate.

I was still drowning in my own depression and self-loathing. Going back and forth between everything was my fault and nothing was my fault. And finally coming to the conclusion that I had to have played some role in my downfall. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here in this position.

I kept cutting myself. I had done it often enough, it was finally leaving scars. My natural healing properties hindered by the continuation of the dose of toxin given to me every day. The pain of the wounds rubbing my pants as I trained helped numb everything else.

At night, I would run, and I would fall into bed hours before I had to get up and do it all over again.

One night, as I was running, I cleared my mind and focused on the earth. Reaching out and connecting with its healing properties. I lost myself to the earth's essence and that's when it happened. I crash connected with him. Adam!

It had been so sudden and shocking I mis-stepped and crashed. While I knew I would feel that mishap for days to come, the excitement overrode everything else. I was able to connect with him! Which meant I could do it again.

And the best part? He hadn't felt evil, or angry. He felt like home.

He was in despair, much like I was.

I had to find a way to connect with him again! I vowed I would run this perimeter every night until I was able to do so again.