Written by the Moon

33~ SAVED

My eyes only remained in front. Hindi na ako nagtangka na lumingon sa direksyon niya. At mukhang ganoon ‘din siya. And I have to say that it annoyed me a bit knowing he really doesn’t care about me. I know that’s the thing I like but accepting it is just hard to do.

I thought the whole ride would be like that. Akala ko tahimik at walang mangyayaing gulo dito sa aming dalawa ngunit bakit pa kase siya nagdisesyon na magsalita? The atmosphere is already awkward and uncomfortable. Why would he bother talk?

“You seemed fine recently,”

I closed my eyes tightly. I could see that he has been observing me. but to compare it to the past few weeks and months, he’s a lot calmer. He’s composed and more focused.

I sighed.

“Yes… how about you?”

I was surprised with the question I asked him. even Forest never expected for me to ask him anything. Napalingon siya sa akin samantalang ang aking mata ya nanatiling nasa harapan.

I felt the small smile on his lips. I remained with my cold composure.

“Doing good. I’m more focused now with my trainings,” napansin ko ang biglang gana niya na mag-usap.

I nodded. I have never wished to the heavens to make this drive home slower. Yet, I feel guilty about it. his scent has been making my head in a magical land. This is freaking crazy. I know I like him. alam ko na ‘yan ngayon pero hindi ko alam na magkabaliw ako dahil sa kan’yang bango.

Napalunok ako.

“I see getting along now with Zafeya,” I wish I never said that. But I just know I had to act fine. This way, he’ll know moving on is better. To convince me that moving on is the only option.

His lips pursed for a moment until it turned to a smile. I breathed heavily. I finally have the courage to let my eyes gaze at him. His eyes are darted at the road. He looks good in side view. I can’t help but compliment. I swallowed slowly.

“Yeah, we have a lot in common.”

He still looked at the road. I anticipated for him to look at me but it never happened. It’s like he doesn’t want to look at me. Na isang malaking kasalan na lingunin ako. Na hanggang sa napansin ko nalang na dumating na kami sa mansion. Hindi pa ako makapaniwala na talagang umasa ako na lilingon pa siya. Sinabi na niya sa sulat ang intesnyon niya. Kaya gawin ko din ang trabaho ko.

He parked his car in front of the gate to the mansion. Bubuksan ko n asana ang pintuan sa sasakyan para lalabas na nang napagtanto ko na naka labas na pala si Forest ng sasakyan at nasa harap ko na. The car’os door was the only barrier between us now. He opened the door.

I got out of the car but before Forest could close the door, I breathed his overflowing scent in the car. When I looked at him, his eyes were still at the car window that I sighed in relief. Good, he didn’t see me going crazy with his scent. I just can’t help myself.

“Thank you for the ride.”

I looked up at him and now his eyes are darted on me intensely. I had to look away or else I’ll melt just by his eyes.

He nodded but was still looking at me curiously. I had to just smile and walk away. Hanggang sa nakapasok ako, natanaw ko parin ang sasakyan niya sa labas. I pouted when I couldn’t see through his tinted windows.  

I realized have been more drawn by him. Mas lalo lang akong nahuhumaling sa kan’ya na dapat hindi naman talaga. Hinid ‘yon pwede. Kaya pumasok na ako sa mansyon. Una kong naabutan si Mark sa salas. I raised a brow at him. They left me.

“You,” I started.

He raised both his arms as a surrender as he wrote something on his sacred paper. It has been a long time since I last wrote on the sacred paper. Ever since I saw the burn sacred paper because of my betrayal, I kinda avoided myself from writing. The same way I avoided the moon. I sighed.

“Don’t blame me. it was Sham’s idea,” I couldn’t bother him since his writing on the sacred paper. I pouted and just head to my room.

The days went by pretty quickly as I continuously practiced writing again. I felt like a newborn and just started to learn. In fact, natatakot pa akong magsulat. Nanginginig ang aking kamay kapag hinahawakan ang relic. I breathed heavily as I picked up my pen after it fell from my hands for the nth time for today.

It’s a weekend and I practiced myself again on writing on the sacred paper. I closed my eyes as my fingers started losing control when the tip of the relic touched the sacred paper. I heard the door opening. I felt footsteps and the hum of Tiana.

She brought me milk. I looked at her with despair in my eyes. I just feel like I need help right now. I laughed inwardly. I need help yet I never asked for help from the Goddess. I licked my lips as the sun is slowly setting and the moon is starting to invade the beautiful night sky.

“Kumusta?”

I sighed.

“I still can’t do it.”

I took the glass of milk and drank half of it. I feel depressed that I can’t write now. It’s more depressing thinking about letting him go. Dahil sa totoo lang, napakahirap.

“You can start by asking for forgiveness,” she looked up to the sky, to the moon. I knew what she meant.

“She’s mad,”

Umiling ito.

“She never gets mad to those who feel guilty,”

I lowered my head as I looked at my fingers. They are still shaking. Why does it seem like I am allergic to the relic and sacred paper? Why is it that I was never meant for this in the beginning? At first, I never felt welcome in Paredes. Now, I feel like this is not me. Not my destiny and purpose. It’s only making me confused.

I still continued to practice. I can’t give up now. Ramdam ko man na hindi ko na kilala ang sarili, may trabaho ako. At kapag hindi ko ‘yon magawa ng tama, malalagay sa peligro ang buhay nmin ni Forest. We may not choose each other but the fact that our hearts beats for one another is betrayal to the Goddess and everyone connected.

I went to the balcony. From the balcony, I summoned my relic. The moon is up above and it feels like she has been looking at me, observing and judging. I tried to summon the sacred paper. I successfully did it and sighed in so much relief. My hands not yet shaking. I positioned my hand to write.

I breathed heavily as I noticed my fingers calm but my heart in chaos. The tip of the pen touched the scared paper and I am glad my hands are not shaking. I started writing. I finished a whole paragraph but when I was about to write my name, my fingers started to shake. I couldn’t write anymore. The sacred paper disappeared in front of me. The relic vanished on my palms and went to its original place earlier. The wind breeze went colder and colder until my hands froze.

Nagmamadali akong pumasok sa akingg silid ngunit dahil sa malakas na hampas ng hangin, sumarado ang French doors. I went to open it but I lost strength. I looked at my hands. They’re cold as ice. Napatingin ako sa aking paligid at mas lalo ko lang lumakas ang hangin. Wala na akong makita halos.

I was about to cast a spell just to get out of this place when I saw a silhouette of a man running closer to me.  Even from his silhouette, I can recognize him. My eyes widened a fraction upon seeing him coming closer with his worried expression. I swallowed hard when he scooped me immediately as soon as he was able to reach me.

Tumakbo siya. Hindi ko alam kung saan. My eyes are shut as the coldness spread throughout my body. Ramdam ko na ang paglibot ng lamig sa buong katawan ko. My eye lids were already frozen that I can’t open it anymore.

Nanginginig na ako sa lamig at ang mainit na katawan lamang ni Forest ang bumubuhay sa akin ngayon. If it weren’t for him, I’d be frozen on my balcony for now. Isipin ko man kung anong nangyayari, nawawalan na ako ng malay. Unti-unting nawawalan ng gana ang aking katawan.

Gusto ko man labanan ang kawalan ng malay, nagpaubaya na ang aking katawan. Sa bisig ni Forest at sa lugar na hindi ko alam saan, nawalan ako ng malay. Sa nangyari ngayon, hindi ko mawari kung bakit nagkaganon. Napaisip ako nab aka galit ang Diyosa sa akin pero ginagawa ko na ang lahat para bumawi.

Natatakot paman ako humingi ng tawad, gagawin ko rin iyon. Ako pa talaga nahiya humingi ng tawad. I just feel that what I did is not worth forgiving to the Goddess. I must be punished. Kahit ako lang huwag na si Forest. He’s just a victim to the playing fate. I am in responsibility.

If this may be one of the punishments, then I will accept it gladly. But knowing that Forest was there to save me just in time, I knew that we sinned again. Everything is just a hard pill to swallow. Even loving him is questionable to me, I mean, I’m an Angel destined to only love a deity, the Goddess.

Faith has its own ways. That even if I don’t agree with it, I have to settle with everything. I have to accept it. Even in this situation with Forest is something I should accept.

My body felt the heat coming from my back. I moved a little as something also moved with me. I felt a tight grip on my waist. Though the warmth is comfortable, I can’t help but think about last night.

And Forest.

In a snap, my eyes opened and looked around me. No sign of Forest. I was able to breathe lightly not until I realized the grip on my waist. My jaw dropped as I saw a large arm around my waist. When I looked at who’s behind me, my guess was never wrong.

Behind me is a naked Forest.

To be continued…