Written by the Moon

43~ PROMISES

Ayaw man umuwi ni Forest, nagawan ko naman ng paraan para umalis na siya sa masyon. Dalawang araw itong nanatili dito. I don’t even know if he asked proper permission to his parents. I just know he’s persistent that he’s staying. Mabuti na lang at napauwi ko.

I looked at him drive his car to the gate. Lumingon pa ito ng isang beses sa akin bago tuluyang umalis. Nang umiwas na ako ng titig sa bintana, ang malisyosong titig naman ni Tiana ang dumalo sa akin sa salas. I gave her my raised brow as I looked away.

Napaiwas tuloy ako ng titig. Maybe because I am feeling guilty? Feeling guilty cause it felt good and comforting finding out Forest stayed when he shouldn’t have to. At alam kong mali kaya ganito makatingin si Tiana kaya nagiguilty ako.

“I am telling you, Nav—” she already had that warning tone that I had to cut off.

“I should be careful, yes. I am… trying,” I sighed.

“There are limits and I know you know that.”

“I’m just treating him nicely,” at talagang magpalusot pa ako. Gusto ko man na totoo ang sinabi ko pero hindi naman ito umaayon sa aking puso.

“Alam ko at nakita ko naman pero hindi ko talaga maiwasan na lagyan ng malisya, Nav. You know your current situation right now.”

Napalingon ito sa bracelet ko. She shook her head and laughed without humor. Her hands on her head, I could tell she’s not liking it. She’s not liking how I let Forest treat me this way.

“Look, he’s moving on. Nakita mo naman sila ni Zaf, diba?” ramdam ko ang kirot sa aking puso.

“Nakita mo rin ba kung saan siya natutulog no’ng nanatili siya rito? Did you see his concern and care for you?”

“He’s trying his best to move on, Tiana,” napalakas ang aking boses.

“I can see it but you’re hindering him from it,” she hissed at me.

I took off the bracelet impulsively. I grabbed her hand and placed the bracelet on her palm. Nabigla pa siya sa nagawa ko. I pursed my lips when I felt the tears gathering in my eyes.

“Take it. This is me to prove that I don’t want anything from him.”

“Nav,”

“Pinaalis ko nga ‘yong tao na alam kong ayaw niya.”

I had to walk away immediately. As soon as I felt my tears, I knew she would see the real me. Gusto ko lang naman patunayan na kaya ko pa. Na kaya kong lumaban dito mag-isa. But I already have the feeling that I’m doing this because I know I can’t make it.

Forest can make it but I know I can’t. And one that day comes where I face the consequences, I will be ready.

Tulala na naman ako sa kisame ng aking silid. Kanina pa ako tinatawag ni Mark na pumunta sa study ni Tiana para mag-usap tungkol sa nangyari sa akin dalawang araw ang nakalipas. I sighed thinking that after the confrontation with Tiana, natatakot naman ako na harapin siya.

She might have seen a side of me that I have been hiding. Pilitin ko man sarili ko na mawala ang nararamdaman kay Forest, I can predict that I can’t. I just know I don’t have the ability nor will. So, I’m fine being punished.

Tanggap ko na ang posibleng mangyari sa akin pero hindi ko matatanggap kung hindi ko maihaon si Forest. I can’t believe that for a span of months, my objectives are now different. Protecting Forest is something I know I must do.

I shifted on my bed when I felt something vibrate. Lumingon ako sa cellphone ko at kinuha iyon. Unconsciously, I smiled. The old-fashioned man is not so old-fashioned now.

Sinagot ko ang tawag at hinintay na may magsalita sa kabilang linya. I only heard his breathing, heavy breathings. Magsasalita na sana ako nang isang minuto na ang lumipas at hindi pa ito nagsalita nang naunahan naman ako.

[“I was contemplating if I should call you.”]

Bumangon ako at umupo sa aking kama.

“Why?” nanginginig pa ang boses ko.

I heard a heavy sigh.

[“I want to check up on you.”]

“Hindi naman kailangan,”

[“Gusto ko.”]

“Sabi mo magmo-move on ka?” dineretsa ko na siya.

I heard his chuckle

[“Is that how badly you want me moved on from you?”]

“Oo.”

[“Mahirap, Nav.”]

“Kailangan mong gawin. Alam mong wala akong lugar sa buhay mo. Lalo na ang puso mo,” mapait man, ‘yon ang reyalidad.

[“You’re harsh.”] he chuckled that I enjoyed it so much listening.

“Masakit kapag totoo, Forest.”

[“Hmm, yes.”]

Silence then invaded us but it was comforting like the previous ones I had with him. Magaan sa loob at hindi na awkward. I smiled briefly. I only snapped back to reality when I heard a knock. Alam kong si Mark na naman ‘yon. I sighed and just ended the call.

“Ayaw mo ba talaga pumunta doon? We’ll put measures that you might not like.”

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako. I stared at him and shook my head.

“I’ll go with you. Just give me a minute.”

Tumango ito at sinarado na rin ang pintuan. Tiningan ko ulit ang ang cellphone at nakita ang isang text galling kay Forest.

Forest:

Stay safe :>

Napangiti ako sa text niya. That cute emoticon took me away. I rolled my eyes and just put my phone on my pocket and went outside of my room.

Hindi na rin ako nagdalawang isip na pumasok sa study ni Tiana. I watched her focused on her papers as Mark was on his phone with Jedi.

“Hindi nga pwede… I’ll talk to you later… bye,” binababa na rin niya ang tawag.

“Ano ‘yon?” I sat on a singular sofa.

“She’s been asking why were on a meeting at bakit hindi sila kasali. Tiana wouldn’t talk to them so I had to.”

Tumango ako. The others are getting curious. They might find out about what has been happening. I just hope they’ll just know about it once we’re finished with our mission.

Markus and Tiana were the only ones who talked more about my security. Hindi na ako umalma. Tiana seemed distant with me. Napatikhim ako nang ilang beses kong napansin na umiiwas siya ng titig sa akin. Pati si Mark ay lumingon na sa akin na may nagtatanong na mata. I just shrugged at him.

“Forest helped us with this. Are comfortable?” tanong sa akin ni Tiana.

“Do you think I’ll be comfortable with three bodyguards following me?”

Hindi sila sumagot kaya napatango ako.

“I can protect myself,”

“Says someone who almost died,” Mark teased me.

I rolled my eyes.

“Ang importante dito ay buhay ako.”

“You could’ve died if Forest wasn’t there,” napataas ang boses nito.

“Enough,” may rebat na sana ako kay Mark pero naunahan na naman ako.

Nakatayo na si Tiana at amukhang kanina pa ko tinitiis. I rested my back on the backrest of the chair. She looked at us with so much seriousness on her face. She turned to Mark.

“Give us privacy for a moment, Mark.”

Tumango ito at lumabas na rin ng silid. The moment the door closed, I already felt the intense atmosphere with Tiana. Kaya ako na pumunta dito. I sometimes can’t stand Tiana being so serious and right.

“We need to talk,”

“Obviously.”

She sighed as she looked at me.

“I know both you and Forest are doing your best. I appreciate that. I am worried about how you treat each other, Nav.”

“I understand. Were both in the stage of moving on. We just need time.”

“What if you’ll trip?”

“Nand’yan ka naman para saluin ako.”

She rolled her eyes matapos kong sabihin ‘yon. I saw how she tried to suppress her smile but she couldn’t. Gotcha!

“You’re not good with a pick-up line. I can’t see why Forest liked you in the first place,” she joked.

“Oh, shut up.”

She smiled at me so warm. Lumapit ito sa’kin at tinapik ang balikat ko. She gently tapped my shoulders and hugged me. I have a lot of issues with Tiana, I know that. Pero she has helped me a lot, too. Nagpapasalamat na rin ako na nandito siya. We may disagree on things, I just know that we also connect on some.

“Siguraduhin mong aalis ka dito na masaya.”

Napangiti ako. I hope so, I hope so.

“I will try.”

“I’m scared that you’re saying that you’ll try,”

“Anong gusto mong sabihin ko?”

“Gawin mo,” she faced me.

“Alam ko ang ginagawa ko, Tiana.”

Ngumiti ito at bumalik na sa upuan nito,

“I am aware of that but just make sure you’ll leave this world with a successful mission and heart.”

Gusto ko rin gawin ‘yan, Tiana. Kaso, mukhang ang magagawa ko lang ay ‘yong unang pinagawa gawa mo sakin. I will leave this world with a successful mission. A successful heart? Hindi ko alam.

I might not even make it back home. Alam ko na ang gagawin kay Forest. He will be destined for Zaf. Final na ‘yan. Pero ako? Hindi ko alam kung saan ilulugar ang sarili. I am saving Forest but who’s saving me?

If someone would save me, will they sacrifice their life too for me just like what I did to Forest? Ayokong gawin ‘yon nina Tiana. They would be the last person to do that for me. Sana nga wala namang gan’on na mangyari.

I sighed thinking that I can’t promise anything to Tiana. I can’t give her a guarantee. Ayoko rin siyang paasahin. Kaya, tumango ako at ngumiti na lamang. I can’t make promises now.

Not when I already made one that shouldn’t shake.

To be continued…