Written by the Moon

36~ CHANGED

I sat on a bench in a sunny morning at the field. Klase na naman at nagpapahinga ako. Nagskip ako ng lunch kanina kaya ramdam ko talaga ang pagkagutom ngayon. I can hear my stomach grumbling.

Napakamot ako ng ulo nang makita si Mark. He's carrying his iPad at doon lang nakapocus ang mata nito. Kanina ko pang napapansin na palaging nasa mata ang iPad nito. It made me wonder if he's having a hard time with his studies.

Umupo ito sa tabi ko. I looked at the clouds in the sky as his eyes turned to me. He's been very observant.

Tatlong araw na noong lumipas ang insidente doon sa aking balcony. And upon knowing the possible reason why that happened, it made me think. Sino kaya ang nakakaalam sa amin ni Forest? I mean, we're not in a relationship. Ang sa akin lang, kailangang matago kung ano ang namagitan sa amin. In a relationship or not.

It took me days to think who would be behind the storm. And that's where I bumped into an odd question. What if Mark knew all along?

"You seemed out of place these days, what's wrong?"

This is not the Mark I know who comforts me. He never questions if what happened to me or what's wrong. He already knows me that even without asking a question, he knows what's wrong. He knows what to do.

And know, I cab really conclude that he knows something. I am not blaming him with what happened at the balcony. Alam kong hindi iyon kayang gawin ni Mark. But the fact that he knows is both surprisinyand unexpected to me.

"You knew. You knew all along," he pouted when I looked at him.

"About what?"

Now, he's playing dumb. If he knows me well then damn, I know my friend well. Too well.

"About me and Forest."

He shifted on his seat in a low-key manner. As if I wouldn't notice. I answere him straight forward because I know he already knows.

"What about you and Forest?" He looked away when I smirked.

I shook my head. The Mark that I know would react in an exaggerated way. He would conclude a lot of scenarios with the words Nav and Forest.

"Stop playing dumb. Alam kong may alam ka."

He sighed as he rested his back on the back of the bench. Ganoon din ang ginawa ko. He knew me and I knew him. That's why we fell in the same trap. Nahuli niya ako at nahuli ko rin siya.

But I feel guilty that the information was not from me. Alam kong nalaman niya iyon dahil napapansin niya ang pagbabago ko pero mahirap siguro sa sitwasyon niya. Thinking that he's sister is in danger because of an infatuation feeling, I know his nights were also uncomfortable just like mine.

It makes me feel even worse that I kept it from him. Kung sana sinabi ko ng mas maaga kaso, alam ko naman na mapapahamak lang siya. Ngayon na alam niya na, mapapahamak na talaga siya.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano na katagal na nalaman niya tungkol sa amin ni Forest. But I know he knows that Forest and I had something.

"You're a mistress."

I rolled my eyes at what he said.

"We're emotionally into together but were not in a relationship," I pointed that out.

"That's still cheating," he faced me with his raused brow.

Napabuntong hininga ako. I nodded.

"That's why it needs to stop."

"I can't believe an Angel can be a mistress,"

I furrowed my brows at him. He looks calmer than I expected.

"I'm sorry. I didn't told you any sooner."

"Naintindihan ko naman. Kung ako ang nasa posisyon mo, I wouldn't tell you."

I smiled. We really care for each other.

"I'm still sorry, you know."

His face twitched. I pouted and thought what went wrong.

"This is the first time I'm hearing say sorry in... a genuine way," parang may humaplos sa puso ko nang makita ang mata nito na puno ng saya.

I nodded.

"Because you're my family," I said softly. This is the first time that I am being vocal with my feelings.

There was a long silence that I actually liked. It was comfortable abd soothing to me. It was only me and Mark and the bench. The school is busy but I feel good in a small bench with this guy.

I didn't want to talk about Forest with Mark. Iyon ang pinakaayaw ko. I just want to move on and now he's not really helping me.

"Naintindihan din kita. Gwapo kase si Forest."

Napatawa ako. Kahit na mainis ay natuwa pa ako sa sinabi niya.

"Are you gay?"

"I'm gay for you. Maybe that's why he also fell for you."

My jaw dropped at what he said. I thought he would lecture me and scold me for falling for a dog. Now, he sounds supportive even though there's no chance at all. He chuckled when he saw my reaction.

"I'm trying to forget him. Stop mentioning him, please."

"You should know that forgetting is not moving on," he went closer to me.

He has point. For the past weeks of convincing myself that I must move on, walang nangyari. Mas lalo tuloy akong nahulog. Kaya ano naman gagawin ko? The more ai come closer, the more I fall for. The more I distance, the more I seek for him. Kaya saan ako lulugar?

"Should I interact with him more?" I asked slowly.

"Maybe," he answered quickly.

I gave him my furrowed look with his direct answer. There's just no right place to move on. Because the heart decides when and how. I have no control.

Because Forest is controlling it already.

"Forest and I already agreed on staying away from each other."

"How come it doesn't seem that way?"

I pouted.

"We're doing our best."

We are. Kahit na mahirap, nag-eefort namn kaming dalawa. I just had a realization that moving on takes time. Forest and I will take a lot of time for this. Pero kahit ganoon, gagawin ko parin ang lahat na magawa ng tama ang aking trabaho.

I never expected a caln conversation with Mark after the revelations. I though magsisigawan kami. Well, ako lang ata ang sisigaw. I said sorry a lot of times but he really just dismissed it. It made me wonder how he really feels about everything.

Sa sitwasyon namin ni Forest, takot ako. Hindi ko alam kung gano'n din siya. Hindi ko alam kung natatakot ba siya na magustuhan ako.

At dahil sa takot ko, mas lalo ko lang inigian ang pagbabalik sa pagsusulat. I need to comeback with my writing or else mas lalo lang akong magtatagal dito. Staying here for a long time is not part of the plan. But as I'm thinking about leaving, it feels impossible.

Parang ayoko...

Hindi na ako tumatambay sa balcony ko. I just feel that someone is looking at me when I'm at my balcony. Ngunit, wala naman akong nakikita na may nakatingin sa akin. Kaya mas mabuti pa na sa loob ng kwarto ko nalang mag eensayo sa aking pagsusulat.

Pati si Mark alam na rin ang aking paghihirap sa pagsusulat.

I was chanting a spell when I heard a knocks on my door. Napabuntong hininga ako. Hindi ko man makita kung sino ang tao sa labas ng aking silid, alam ko na kung sino iyo. Just from the scent. I have also noticed that my sense sharpened recently. Especially my scent.

Pumasok si Mark sa silid habang bagsak naman ang aking balikat. Kanina pa to isturbo sa akin. I have been focusing for strength and courage for my writing practices. Ayako na ulit maramdaman ang panginginig ng aking kamay at katawan ngunti sa pag-iisturbo sa akin ni Mark, mukhang hindi na ata mangyari iyon.

My eyes shot daggers at him when I stood up and picked a cookie from the tray he gave me just thirty minutes ago.

I never knew he would be worse than Tiana. Tiana just checks up on me every morning and night. But Mark is different, he checks up on me 24/7. It's already annoying.

"Pwede ba, umalis kana sa kwarto," napansin ko na umupo pa siya sa sofa ko.

Ngumuso pa!

"Sabi ni Tiana bantayan kita."

Mt face twitched. I can't believe these two is talking behind my back.

"Sinabi mo sa kan'ya?"

"Actually she asked help from me,"

"Ano?" I'm already getting the idea.

"I think she hinted to herself na may alam na ako kaya nagpatulong na siya na bantayan ka."

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not having my privacy anymore, obviously," pinakita ko sa kan'ya ang kasalukuyang sitwasyon namin ngayon.

I was about to make a joke when he transitioned smoothly to his serious mood. Nag-iba bigla ang mukha niya. Pati expression.

I have never seen him this serious before kaya kabado ako. He's the only person I trust right now together with Tiana. He might say something that will hurt or offend me.

"I'm sorry but..." He paused.

I sighed. He looked away when my curious yet nervous eyes met him. He crossed his legs and massaged his forehead.

"... I care about you more than you think,"

"I know."

"But your have to understand that your life is in danger. Isipin mo lang ang sarili mong kapakanan."

"Alam ko 'yon pero hindi lang ang aking buhay ang may peligro. Kay Forest din!" Napataas ang boses ko

Why does it feel like he doesn't care for Forest?

"Forest ka na naman! Why can't you just think of yourself. Doon na naman magaling diba?"

Umiling ako. Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Alam kong nasa peligro buhay ko pero bakit waka siyang pake may Forest? They've been friends!

"Gan'yan ba kababaa ang tingin mo sa'kin? Nadama ko si Forest dito, Mark! I am responsible!"

"He's also responsible with his own feelings, Nav!"

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nagkaganito si Mark. He should know that Forest and I are in the same situation.

"But were in the same situation here. Pareha kaming nagdudusa, Mark."

He groaned so hard that he has to grip his hair. He must be frustrated.

"You've changed. I don't know if I should be happy or not."

My jaw dropped open. He left my room while I sat ob my bed thinking about what he said. I don't know what to feel too. Like him, I don't knwo if I should be happy or not.

To be continued...