14 Repeat!

Dreams? I rarely dream,its the one thing I've always wanted to be constant in my life. When I do dream I don't remember what I dreamt about when I wake up, sometimes I feel all fuzzy and sweet when I wake up and sometimes it feels like I got stabbed in the back by someone precious to me, besides its better to leave it all in the dream, since what I am going to face is not a dream but reality, or is the reality also a dream? I wonder. ********** My day starts like any other day, wake up, bathe, dress, then curse at other drivers while stuck in the morning rush, I get to work late and then beg for pardon before starting work as a cleaner at a big hospital. I dream to be a big medical doctor one day or just make it big but that's what it will ever be.... a dream. some have it easy while some just have it...........tough. I finish the first half of work, go on a lunch break, come back finish my work, get into the evening rush and then get back home, eat,sleep and wake up the next day. The endless cycle goes on and on, every year, every month, week, day, hour,minute and second and sometimes I just can't help but wonder would my life be better if I was born in a different era, time or place or would it be more fun and less boring if I went to college. Since I couldn't the former I saved for the latter even if living in this world really held no meaning for me, I didnt want to die or do I? if I did die would I regret or would there be people to mourn me. I doubt both, I feel there is nothing to regret and besides I've always been alone literally, I grew up in an orphanage center, didnt get adopted , came of age, moved out and found a job. I knew I had parents but I just didnt know who they were or rather I just didn't care not did I bother to look for them. if they wanted they would have looked for me already. It was another day of another endless cycle, I woke up, got my bath, got dressed, and headed into the morning rush, but today I just didn't have the energy to curse at anyone today. I got to work a tad bit earlier than before and started cleaning. "kiana" "Yes" My name .. kiana, I rarely hear it that I almost forgot I had one. "could you get me coffee from across the street" "Yes, sure no problem" I rushed to get the coffee and delivered it as fast as possible. "Here is your coffee" I handed it over to her. "Thank you" "kiana"Another lady called "Yes" "Could you get two cup of coffee for the boss, he'll be here in no time and I got something to do, please" I smiled has I told her my answer "Oh, okay, No problem" There was a problem, A problem with me always saying yes to everyone request without knowing how to refuse. "One iced americano and latte, thanks kiana you're the best" I rushed back into the cafe to get the coffee checking the traffic sign, I crossed the road. "STOP!!!" That was all I heard before a loud crash and a loud deafening sound, I tried to move my legs, but I couldn't feel them, there was no response from my hands either. I forced myself to look upwards, I saw a truck, a man was sitting behind the wheels, His hands were fidgeting, his shoulders were trembling though his face was bent down and covered with a face cap. Was he crying? I thought if I died, I wouldn't have any regret, I was wrong. I regret. I regret everything. I regret not saying no to her, I regret not giving my all into cursing those damned drivers this morning, I regret working as a cleaner, I regret not putting my all into achieving my dream. I regret.....My regrets.......are long.Tears streaming down my face. I wish.......... if only.......if only..... it was...just......just.... A dream.