To Love A Princess

Chapter Eleven

"Isabelle."

I looked up at my father and knew I was going to get yelled at. He had arranged a last minute lunch for us. Just the two of us while my mother was napping in their bedroom. She didn't seem like she was getting any worse so I can only pray Doctor Owens was wrong and that she will live longer. But his prediction was about a week or a little bit longer than that. I hope she'll be alive much longer than that. 

"Yes father?"

"We need to talk about your attitude. I don't know what that was last night, but it was unacceptable. What is really going on with you? I'm just confused as to where all this disrespect is coming from."

"I'd love to tell you. The reason why I have been so moody lately is because I am in love with my best friend. But, I can't even tell her that I love her because I'm afraid she's going to reject me. And this wedding is making it worse because I doubt she'd believe me since I'm marrying someone else and I don't know how to get out of it. 

I knew I definitely could not tell him that. Never in a million years would I be able to say that. Instead I told him that I was just extremely stressed out because everything is being rushed. And all anyone can talk about is the wedding and it gives me an enormous headache at times and that I just wasn't prepared to have it pushed up. 

"And I can't seem to figure out what I want to put in my vows. But I give my deepest apologies for taking my frustration out on you and mom. I will try to do better when it comes to keeping my frustration under control," I added. 

"Well I thank you for your apology. But I do not forgive you quite yet. I'm sure your mother will feel the same way," he spoke. 

I nodded in understanding and looked at my half empty plate. There were mashed potatoes with gravy and a turkey leg on here, but the leg was almost gone and I only took one bite of the potatoes. I couldn't eat because I was so anxious about my father would say about my out burst last night. But now that at least one of my parents has at least accepted my apology, I have to go apologize to the other. Suddenly not feeling very hungry, I set my plate aside and looked over at my father, whose face was covered in gravy. 

"May I ask you something?" I asked curiously.

He dabbed the corners of his mouth with his napkin and told me to continue. 

"How did you get out of your arranged marriage to marry mom? I know she wasn't the one my grandparents had wanted you to marry. So what happened?" I questioned. 

"Isabelle this is a topic that I wish not to discuss right now. I don't want to give you any smart ideas," he responded. 

"Please father I really would like to know. I promise I'm not going to use any of your tactics just tell me how you did," I begged. 

"I already said no end of discussion," he belted.

I shrank in my seat and felt a hiccup escape my lips. There's no use in asking once more. He's never going to tell me. Or he'll tell me a little while after I'm married. 

"I need to be excused. I'm going to go apologize to mom," I spoke quietly, rising from my seat. 

The wooden chair scrapped against the floor and I rushed out of the dining room. Once I was out of his hearing range, my chest began to hurt and it wasn't in a way where I feel as if I'm having a heart attack. This pain was different. The pain from feeling so trapped and having no way out. I feel as if I'm trapped in a cage and the key was thrown away. And I hate this feeling. I hate feeling powerless and like my life doesn't even belong to me anymore. Throughout my entire life, I feel as if it's been controlled by someone else. I've always been told what to wear to balls and other functions. I have always been told where to sit, where to stand, where to be at what time of the day. It's starting to feel as if I don't even have control of my own wedding. If it were up to me, I would've kept the original date. I would have cancelled it overall and did a private ceremony. Damen and I could have said our vows in front of our parents, two of our  closest friends and the priest. Having some large extravagant fancy wedding is so unnecessary, and everyone who's working knows it too. Then the ceremony could have been limited to at least two hundred and fifty people, no more than three hundred. But my parents- my father- doesn't operate that way. And it's not even his wedding. 

After being lost in thought for so long, I didn't even realize that I was standing in front of my parents' bedroom door. Taking in a deep breath, I knocked once and waited a few moments. I knocked once again when all I got was silence. She must be asleep still. I guess I'll just have to come back later. Turning on my heel I walked in the direction that led me to my bedroom so I can write my vows. I still don't know what I am going to write and I know Damen is probably stuck as well. He's not as poetic as I am or good with verbal apologies. Hence every time he needed to apologize I would receive a Danish. But nonetheless, it was a nice apology and it is one of the things I do like about him. Maybe I could put that in my vows. 

**** 

I had finally finished my vows and I was more than satisfied with what I had written. It's everything I promise to be as a wife and I meant every word of it. It was thought out and I knew that eyes would water. I just hope they're good enough. Putting away my pen and folding the paper in half, I set it on my vanity and looked at myself in the mirror. One week until I'm possibly a married woman. There's always a chance Olivia does accept my proposal and we plan a wedding for ourselves. Or I give up my title as princess, that way Olivia and I can live together in peace and harmony without anyone getting on us about how this isn't tradition. But this is a new generation and I think it's about time we started loving who we wanted to love. Who I marry shouldn't be up to my parents, it should be up to me. They're not the ones who have to live with him for the rest of their lives. The ring on my finger made me more nervous about next Saturday. The count down officially begins...