To Love A Princess

Chapter Twelve

Six days left until the wedding...

Sunday breakfast was important to my parents and I. It was always a way for us to go over the week and figure out what went wrong and what we can do to make this week better. Better for us as a family, and better for the kingdom. “Sundays are a fresh start. New week, new opportunities” my father would always say. He heard that saying from his grandfather when he was a boy and stuck to it. I hope that’s true and hopefully we can put this past week behind us. I want to believe that we can all agree that last week, emotions were high and there was a lot of tension in the air. Emotions are still up there, but I hope the tension can become thin like a strand of hair. 

I was more than happy my mother was able to have breakfast with us this week. Now with them both here, I can give them both a proper, sincere apology so we can all move past it. My mother played with her eggs while my dad chewed on a piece of bacon, reading the morning paper. My plate filled with eggs, bacon, and pancakes, looked as if it was getting cold. I had a small appetite this morning for some odd reason. It was slowly starting to become normal for my appetite to decrease, if not disappear altogether at the most random times. Digging my fork into my eggs, I set it down and looked at my parents. 

“Mom, dad,” I began. “I would like to apologize for my behavior last week. I don’t know what came over me but it was wrong of me to say the things I did and yell at you both like that. It’s a new week and I would like to put it behind us.”

My mother gave me a warm smile and nodded. “I accept your apology and I want to put it behind us as well. Besides, if I’m going to pass soon, I don’t want your final memories of us to be constant arguments and feuding with your father. I’d like to pass happily. Knowing that my daughter and husband will try to get along is all I’ve ever wanted for the two of you.”

My father nodded. “Isabelle I accept your apology but please stop bringing up my arranged marriage. I have put it behind me and I want to forget about it. Not that I ever could. It’s just something I never want to discuss because I have your mother in my life now and she’s the only one I need.” 

His eyes landed on my mother giving her a small smile. This caused her to blush like a schoolgirl. The kind of blush that you’d give off when your crush finally notices you and asks to take you on a date or gives you a compliment. I wish I could make Olivia blush like that. But I’d be too scared to even say anything like that to her. Plus, her smile gives me butterflies as it is, so I wouldn’t even be able to get a word out.  To see her blush is something else.  I nodded and did a happy dance in my head. I hate it when my father and I argue. I hate it when my mother and I are not on good terms. But sometimes I wish my father and I would see eye to eye. Pretty soon it will be just the two of us. Neither of us are prepared for life without mom. We didn’t think we’d see this day for a long time. Maybe a year or two. I wanted to assume that all his frustration is coming from mom’s illness. I yearned to talk to him, ask him how he’s really feeling. I know men have a tendency to put on an act to hide their feelings. All men, especially royalty, have been taught to hide their feelings. Feelings such as sadness or hurt, and mask it with anger. Showing your feelings makes you vulnerable and if you let your guard down even just the slightest, you could lose everything in the blink of an eye. But I wanted to tell him that it is okay to be weak and that you don’t have to always be strong. I wanted to tell him that it’s okay if he’s scared of losing mom. I know he is despite the fact that he does not want to admit it. But none of that will happen because he’s so stubborn and has a lot of pride. He will never admit to being afraid of what’s coming. Just by the look on his face, the way he admires my mother even though she’s getting worse, shows that he is truly in love. I know my father loves my mother so much and he would give up his title as King if it would make her happy. But he would never admit to being afraid of losing her. At least not in public anyway. 

The squire came into the dining room with our agenda for the day. His tight black pants made him walk strangely. Almost as if he were waddling like a penguin. His sudden appearance made everyone in the room look at him with fixed faces. I already knew I had something to do on that agenda. I still have yet to go over the menu for the ceremony but I refuse to make any decisions like that until after tomorrow’s cake testing. I don’t want to make decisions like that without Damen’s presence. I still have to talk to him about his vows as well. Even though we’re supposed to surprise each other with them, I wanted, no, needed to help him with it. I don’t want him to make a fool of himself. Not that I don’t trust that he’ll come up with something romantic, but remember. This is the person who brings people food as an apology. Sometimes I get sick of the pastries. In addition to that, I also need to tell him how I’m going to tell Olivia I love her first before helping him with the vows. I have no intention of writing them for him, but if it comes to it, then I’ll have no other choice. As if. I just need to trust that he’s fully capable of coming up the vows himself. Let us just hope and pray that it’s not something that will make people question why I’m marrying him.

“Good morning your majesties,” the squire greeted in a squeaky voice, rolling out the piece of paper. His feather fell in front of his face and he tried to blow it back into place, but it wouldn’t budge. We watched as he tried over and over before becoming frustrated and moved it with his hand. He let out a weak, awkward laugh and cleared his throat. “Princess Isabelle, your presence is requested in the ballroom immediately after breakfast for more wedding décor preparations. You still need to figure out where you want the streamers and which plate design you want, along with how you want the tables set up. King Leonard, Queen Abbey you’re both scheduled for a fitting at noon. Then at three Princess Olivia would like to see Princess Isabelle. After that, your family dinner at seven.”

“Thank you Reginald. You are dismissed,” my father told him in a dismissive tone. 

The man, Reginald, bowed and walked out the dining room. I could see a hint of fear in his eyes and judging by his posture, he must be new. All the new squires are somewhat terrified of my father to say the least. He can be pretty intimidating. I wonder what happened to the last one though. I hope he’s alright. 

“I better get going,” I stated. “I don’t want to keep them waiting.” 

“But you have barely touched your food,” my mother argued. 

“I’m not very hungry,” I told her, rising from my chair. 

“I’m going to have to agree with your mother on this. You haven’t been eating much lately. What’s going on?” my father questioned. 

“I just have a lot on my plate and I want to get things taken care of as soon as possible,” I responded. 

Before I even had the chance to leave the dining room, my mother had stopped me. So close yet not close enough.

“Isabelle sit down and eat,” my mother commanded. 

I didn’t hesitate to sit down. It takes a lot to make my mother speak above her normal tone. Her normal tone is usually so cheerful yet soft and delicate. But when she’s upset about something, it would be best if you do as she says. People think my father is intimidating but they have yet to see my mother angry. 

“Do we need to get Doctor Owens over to see what’s wrong with you?” my father asked. 

“No,” I replied before taking a bite of my now cold eggs. 

“Then why haven’t you been eating? You love eggs and pancakes,” my mother spoke. 

I took a deep breath in to try and keep my composure. I just made up with them, no need to screw it all up now. “Because I have been under a lot of stress lately. I didn’t know what to put in my vows last night and truth be told, I’m afraid that Damen hasn’t started and the wedding is six days away. I don’t want him to make a fool of himself at the altar on Saturday. I know getting married is an important ride of passage for every Prince and Princess, and I just want this day to go smoothly. And every time I look at my engagement ring, it reminds me of how I’m giving up my freedom and I’m going to be bound to one person for the rest of my life. And then my coronation will be coming very soon after the wedding and I’ll have to devote my life to the kingdom and I will forget all about myself and focus primarily on the kingdom and Prince Damen.” 

They both looked at me as if I were a mad woman. Like I had no idea what I was talking about. But then both of their faces fell and my mother sighed. She was the only one who could have known how I was feeling. Part of how I’m feeling anyway. 

“Leonard can you give us a minute please?” my mother asked. 

He didn’t even argue with her. Instead, he silently rose from his chair and walked to the exit. The sound of the creaking sliding doors shut giving us total privacy. But what does she need to speak with me in private about? 

“Come sit over here,” my mother told me, patting the spot next to hers.

I rose from my seat and moved to the spot she told me to sit in. She placed a hand on top of mine, patting it a couple of times. 

“Sweetie I know exactly how you feel I truly do,” she began. “I was terrified to marry your father when I did. Your dad was born into royalty and he had his whole life to prepare for marriage. I wish I could say the same for myself, but I was just a commoner when I met your dad. When we began dating, I had to give up so much, if not everything to marry him. My parents disowned me because they felt as if the power and sudden wealth was going to take over me. But it didn’t and they died without speaking to me for nineteen years. I knew that it was going to be a major adjustment and that things were going to change, but I didn’t let it worry me. I know you’re afraid that once you’re married and become queen, your entire life is going to revolve around the kingdom and Prince Damen. But I’m telling you it won’t. You’re going to have to learn how to take care of yourself, be there for Damen when he needs you, and be able to rule a kingdom. I know you can do it. You have to trust your gut and Damen because you know deep down neither one of them will steer you wrong.” 

Finally. Someone who actually can give me advice on something that has been concerning me for awhile. She gently squeezed my hand to reassure me that everything will be okay. As much as I wanted to believe that, I just couldn’t. I know once she’s gone, everything will go wrong. If it wasn’t for her, my father and I would’ve been at each other’s throat everyday. But without saying anything, she reminds us that it’s only going to hurt us in the end. Or if something were to happen God forbid it, then we’d have to live with the fact that our last words to each other was during an argument. We try to make up as soon as we can, but sometimes I just need space from him and vice versa. Then either later on that night or the next day, I’ll apologize and he’ll just say I accept your apology and go on about his day. And I never get an apology from him about the way he talks to me which I find ridiculous because it takes two to resolve a situation. My fault or not, he does say some hurtful things. But if I even ask for an apology, he will feel as if he doesn’t need to give me one. 

“I’m just scared mom,” I admitted, tears forming in my eyes. 

She pulled me into a hug in the best way she could and played with my hair to calm me down. The tears silently rolled down my cheek, wetting the shoulder of her dress. Thankfully it’s black so you can’t really see it. 

“I know baby,” she cooed. “I am too. But you’re going to get through this I promise you. I’m going to help you get through this with the little time I have left alright?”

I couldn’t do anything else but nod and continue to let the tears fall. The thought of her dying made me want to cry even more. I always knew mothers were not going to live forever. Everyone has an expiration date. I just wish hers wasn’t coming so soon. 

******

I stood outside waiting for Olivia to arrive. There was a guard on either side of me and then two waiting at the bottom of the steps. The sound of her horses galloping became louder and soon she arrived in her all white carriage. The roof had red tassels hanging from it with gold ends. The door was covered in diamonds and the knob as well. Her horses were brown and seemed to be tired from the journey. I tried to keep my mind off the dream I had about her. About us. It was something I had to try and not mention to her. Easier done than said. I don’t want her to freak out and never see me again. 

The driver opened the door and I saw one of her purple heels step onto the ground, the rest of her following after. She looked extremely elegant today. She dressed in all purple today. Her cotton dress reaches the ground and the lace sleeves of just touching her wrists. The chest area of her dress was a lighter purple, kind of like amethyst. The rest of it besides the sleeves was violet. The sleeves were also amethyst. She wore her hair down but it was curlier than usual today. She looked stunning as usual. The driver closed the door once she was out and escorted her up the stairs. 

“Princess Isabelle,” she greeted followed by a curtsy.

“Princess Olivia,” I greeted. “Please come inside.” 

The guards opened the doors and I immediately led her to my father’s study. He says he doesn’t mind if I use it as long as I don’t make a mess or touch any important documents. Which in that case, everything in here was important. So I assume he really meant don’t touch anything at all. I took a seat in my father’s chair and Olivia took the seat on the other side of the desk. 

“So what’s going on?” I asked. 

“Isabelle… I know,” she responded. 

“Know what?” I asked.

She bit her lip as if she was hesitating on telling me what she knows. We were both silent for a few moments and I asked once again. “What do you know?”

“I know that you like me,” she finally blurted out. 

I was taken aback and I didn’t understand how she could have figured it out. There was no way she would have guessed this on her own. Someone told her and I think I know who. But judging by the look on her face, she doesn’t look happy about it at all. I have to lie and convince her it’s not true. If this is her expression to her “finding out” then there’s just no way in hell I can say that it is true. 

I laughed. “That’s not true I may not have feelings for Damen, but I don’t have feelings for you.”

“Yes you do and it’s okay if you do. But Isabelle I don’t see you in that way. You’re like a sister to me, you know that right?” she asked. 

Ouch. That seriously hurts. 

“Of course I do. Like I said I don’t have feelings for you,” I reassured her. 

“Oh,” her face fell. “Okay then if you say so. Anyways I came over to help with any wedding preparations so what else is left? I have nothing to do at my castle.”

“There’s a few things I need help with. Follow me.”