LOST TO LUST

MEMORIES

I reheated my coffee five times this morning, five f*cking times, one of those times, because I was being fussy. The other four were because I got completely lost in a F*CKING TOBE FANTASY.

How is it possible that after all these years with my loving husband, that I can still feel for another man the way I do? The moments with Tobe are so vivid... so all-consuming... and right now they give me more pleasure than my own beautiful and perfect husband.

"They can see you... They can see you..." Tobe said as he quickly used his left arm to curve me and covering my breasts to prevent the cars driving out from seeing me.

"I don't care... I don't care..." I yelled as I removed his arm from my breasts and continued pacing up and down on his laps enjoying all of him in me.

This was at the restaurant, the first night together when I agreed to be with him. Tobe held my hands that night after a round of mind-blowing s*x in the restroom and saw me off to the park. Getting to my car, we got talking and before I know what was happening we were already in the car kissing and smooching. Minutes later, our clothes were off, I was on top of him, he was inside me and our bodies gliding against each other.

It was an amazing heart-pounding moment most people only experience once which is a good thing cause if you did it a lot more than that... It will probably kill or destroy you... Each thrust in moved me further into another realm of pleasure, in this realm the atmosphere was serene and so addictive, I could live there forever...

When Tobe and I are together, I didn't care who was watching — of course, I wouldn't want my husband and children to see me... In those moments, there was nowhere else I'd rather be than in Tobe's arms.

People condemn drug addicts, but I know what it is like to chase a high. A feeling! A moment!! A sensation!!! Longing for TOBE'S TOUCH... TOBE'S LIPS... TOBE'S TONGUE...

This was exactly how I feel every time we have been together, we'd lie naked in bed, intertwined for hours and we'd go on, rounds after rounds of s*x. At first, I thought it would be just s*x, I wanted to have it all, a loving home and great wild s*x but my husband couldn't give me all this so Tobe was just a means to get that one thing I longed for. But on the contrary, the first s*x with Tobe changed everything, emotions and lust gushed in...

There was a study done where they found out that the more times we remember an event, the more distorted it becomes because as our brain fixates on the fewer details, it's forced to fill in the gaps around them.

This is what I've been trying to tell myself every time I come back home to my family, the guilt comes back in. I then tell myself - that this feeling is wrong.

This morning when Dan and the twins left the house, and I was all alone— I decided to take the day off and work from home... I felt guilty for the usual Tobe-related reasons. So I did something I haven't done in a — who knows how long... I tried thinking about Dan while I touch myself. It didn't work, it only works with TOBE and that scares the s**t out of me.

I was still deep in these moments when my phone rang.

"Hey babe, I just got to work, how's it going at home" Dan's sweet love resounded over the phone, I could hear the sound of the car been locked.

"Miss me much?... You couldn't even wait till you got to your office before calling" I teased him.

I wasn't surprised, I knew he would call the moment he gets to the restaurant. He does this every time I stay in, and he keeps calling between the hours just to be sure I was okay at home. On some occasions where he could skip work, he would drop the twins in school and drive back home to spend the day with me.

"Yeah, I miss you already, if only I could skip work and stay with you," He said

"No babe, I'm fine and please, they need you at work. I will find consolation in the fact that you will soon be back" I replied and giggled

"Yeah, you got that right, coming straight home to my wife... Alright love, see you soon. Have fun" he said and kisses me over the phone.

"You too love," I said and also kissed him over the phone and we both hung up.

I have not dropped my phone when it rang again, "why is Dan calling back? Did he forget something" I said to myself as I turned my phone over and saw who the caller was — it was Tobe... I mean what are the odds that they both called almost at the same time. I blushed and giggled like a baby for about three seconds then I answered the call.

"Hey, handsome," I said seductively

"Hey, beautiful," Tobe replied

"I miss you" He continues

"Okay..." I mumbled in a low tone and laughed

"I'm serious, I miss you, I want to see you right now," he said while I just continued laughing

"Like right now," I asked

"Never been more serious" he replied with a tone rhythm

"Well, I'm not available right now, I'm working from home today so I can't see you. We can work something out tomorrow though" I said

"Why wait till tomorrow? I can come over if you don't mind, it's just a few minutes' drive from here, you know..." He said with so much enthusiasm

"What? Hell no... I really do mind, my house is so off-limits, you can't come here, please. I will make it up to you when we meet tomorrow"

"Tomorrow is still like a hundred years away, why not now, no one will know I came over if you don't tell and I certainly won't" he retorted

"No Tobe, I can't risk you coming here please try and understand," I said in a convincing tone

"Okay love, anything for you, I can survive not seeing your beautiful face for a day," He said sadly which was obvious in his low and down voice.

"By the way, how did you know my place is just a few minutes away, are you stalking me Mr.," I said jokingly

"I have ears and eyes everywhere" he replied jokingly too

"Bye now then cause the more I talk to you, the more I want to see you so you better let go now before you see me at your front door." He said and we both burst into laughter

"Enjoy the rest of the day love" he added

"Don't miss me too much" I said as I giggled loudly and hung up.

"How times and things have changed, tables turned so quickly, is this real? am I really the one shuffling between two amazing men? Woaw... This is one hell of a new Anna I never knew was in me. Sonia definitely has to hear about all this, she really has to meet this new Anna " I thought to myself as I sipped my coffee and — Damn it!!! It was cold as ice... AGAIN!!!