Orphan Alpha Daughter: Unwanted (The Sable River Series #1)

I could almost feel it again, that sinking, gut-wrenching feeling of horror. I was thinking about everything-and nothing- and I absentmindedly ended up thinking about it, that event I shouldn’t even allow in my mind, for my sanity. I could still hear the imagined final screams of my mother, echoing around me silently. Feel the devastation that ripped through my soul when I found out, and my too-active imagination taking me places I didn't want to be in my mind. My mother’s last breath as she stood defiantly (because that was her character, never go down without a fight), my uncle’s final stand as he desperately protected his sister, the infamous rogue leader’s fury… the death of my loved ones. And, of my own simple childhood. I had occasionally unintentionally returned, in my mind at least, to where most of my family was struck down. At least, the ones who cared about me. I’ve since lived with the horrifying memory of the knock on the door with the fateful news that ripped my childhood apart. ‘Your mama was killed..’ I remember blinking at the woman who shared the news with me, her wild hair and wide eyes, filled with not only horror but the beginning of pity and sympathy for the ten-year-old girl before her - who was big enough to understand, but too young to understand, all at the same time. That announcement was only the start of my painful childhood upheaval, unfortunately. Whenever I thought about the entrance to that cave in the forest where it happened, it made me feel haunted. Repelled by whatever was residing there, for the horror it had brought to my family. But I still didn't know why it drew me in and creeped me out at the same time. I had accidentally stumbled on it as I ran blindly past in my terrified, wild escape through the forest, when I was fleeing the new terror in all that I had previously held dear. I had realised the significance of this place I was told about when I heard the story of my mother's death, this bloodstained earth as I ran, and I vaguely remember my sobbing shaking me as I ran past in my ten-year-old horror. Yet I also felt inexplicably drawn to it- through a morbid fascination to find out why that scent, that aura that surrounded the cave, was so oddly calling to me. To discover why my curiosity was so piqued, and my brain felt like there was..more to understand, even while the haunting feeling lingered. I supposed that was my mother’s scent - yet it wasn’t. My mother’s scent was comforting, not mystical. Peaceful, not stirring my blood to life. This wasn’t really a scent, either, more a feeling that did just that; made me yearn for more of whatever ‘it’ offered, while scared me at the same time. I had been caught there, at that cave, once as a young girl, two days after the attack. Before I was banished. I often wondered whether that mistake had anything to do with my father’s anger or my being forced to leave, but I had no way of finding out, so I pushed it out of my mind once again. I pulled myself away from the annoying and mysterious mental images surrounding the cave with a sigh of frustration. I needed to get back into the present, to the fact that I was responsible for myself now, and other things in my adopted pack, no matter how small they might be. I knew I was alone in my thoughts-and my wonderings about the cave. No one in my life now really cared what I thought, what I remembered- not an unturned teenager who was unimportant to most in the pack. Not even the kitchen crew I worked with knew much more about my past than my full name- Ealiah Jonas, the girl whose parents ‘disappeared’ 8 years ago.. in the incident I imagined, but only saw in my nightmares. My life, however, still bore the repercussions of that fateful night and the week following it. The wrenching pain in my stomach on wakeful nights was testament to that. I finished the last 25 metres of my jog around the packhouse grounds as fast as I could, retracing my steps to my little bungalow behind the pack house, keeping my eyes out for any movement in the shadows. I looked through the window before entering with a sigh, throwing my bag down behind the door. I felt drained, tired after a full day and my run on my normal track after work. I decided to have a shower and wash my long honey blonde hair. The cabbage I had cooked to go with today’s midday meal had given me a scent that made me wrinkle my nose in disgust. I let the water run full on my face at the hottest temperature I could manage, letting the tension flow from me with the water. I loved my little space here now, even though having no parents around had lots of disadvantages. But my little home was warm, safe and all mine. To a normal pack member this might be tiny and degrading, but having my own space, after living at the nice but cramped pack orphanage for 4 years, was absolute heaven. I had decorated it with my artwork, little canvases and big, all of which helped me work out a little of my natural creativity in my own way. Adding indoor plants had been a recent thing, and I had struck cuttings from the parent plants to add to my collection. Coupled with my simple but sweet wooden floors, my bungalow felt peaceful and sanctuary-like, which was my intention. I needed some peaceful surroundings for those times when my own headspace felt anything but. I finished my shower with a 20 second cold blast. I find it helps me think clearly, even after work. Tonight, was my big ‘get mentally organised’ night. Tomorrow would be a big day. I organised myself, wrote a list of to-do’s for the following day, and set out some items I’d be needing. I headed to bed early to get some sleep, but something inside just wasn’t having it. I felt a little wired, and when I finally drifted into dreamland, I found myself in my recurring nightmare. My father was sneering at me from the other side of my little pink and purple bedroom. He had shocked and shattered me as finally spoke, a week after the event. With a cold, oddly detached voice, he confirmed that his mate, my mother, was killed on a simple, peaceful journey back from visiting another pack-while with him and Uncle Kirlan. Dad had been knocked unconscious and they thought he was dead, too. It was a mystery that he was still alive- mates usually died when their mate did. I never had a chance to ask, and soon enough I didn't have any more chances. My uncle Kirlan was apparently part of this too, only he disappeared in the chaos, and was assumed dead. Someone else I idolised, gone. Unable to protect me from my father, who now had suddenly become, almost overnight, a heartless monster, that apparently hated the very sight of me. In that moment, when my father dropped that bombshell, my world stopped. I felt like I was suspended in space, shocked and numb, like I hadn’t just heard him say that. My dad then proceeded to tell me that he had never wanted to keep me as a girl, nor would he have cared if my mother hadn’t fought for me. That he wished my died-in-utero twin brother had taken my place, because then he would have a son to be proud of. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Suddenly, I was living a ten-year-old girl’s nightmare. He then grabbed me by the scruff and threw me out the window…