BECOMING HER

good bye

I guess I am.

He stared at me for a while, hurt clearly visible in his beautiful eyes before slowly looking away.

“I thought you wanted me to leave,” he asked quietly.

“No,” I answered, tightening my arms around him, refusing to let go.

He gently pushed me away and stood up, creating a distance between us that felt colder than the weather outside.

“Thank you for checking up on me, but as you can see, I’m fine,” he replied, his voice suddenly distant.

When I looked into his eyes, I knew he had more to say.

“Just say it,” I told him. “I’m fine with anything.”

“Nothing,” he said.

Silence filled the room, heavy and suffocating.

“Don’t play with my feelings because you’re not sure about yours,” he finally said, his voice trembling slightly. “You come to check up on me, you even kissed me back… Last time I checked, you didn’t even want to be my friend.”

I wanted to explain. I wanted to tell him about the confusion inside my head, the fear, the doubts, everything. But looking at him, I realized I had already caused enough damage.

Maybe leaving was the only right thing to do.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I packed my things. “And I wasn’t playing with your feelings. I was just…”

My voice trailed off.

“Never mind. I’ve caused you enough pain already. I’m really sorry. And don’t quit your job because of me. I’ll avoid you as much as possible, I promise.”

“Bye…”

I wanted to call her back.

I wanted her to finish her sentence.

I wanted to pull her into my arms, kiss her again, and make her forget every worry clouding her mind.

But maybe this was for the best.

What was I even hoping for? People like me don’t get happy endings. We only destroy the people we care about.

My phone rang.

“Hello, my man,” came a familiar voice from the other side.

“What do you want?” I replied coldly.

“Boss man wants you back,” the voice said, more serious this time.

The call ended.

I stared at my reflection for a moment.

“Yeah… let’s go back where we belong,” I muttered. “All of this was stupid anyway. What was I expecting? That she would remember me… that she would choose me?”

I sighed deeply.

“It’s over. Let’s just forget everything.”

Months passed, and still, there was no word from him.

Sometimes I think about him. Especially that day… walking home in the rain, hoping he would come after me, call my name, or just do something.

But he never did.

That was the last time I saw him.

Now it’s December.

A lot has changed in the past few months. I found the perfect online job. I built my confidence. I saved enough money to start planning my future.

I’ve decided to quit my current job at the end of this month and focus on my education. I’m going to rewrite JAMB and get into a very good university.

I’m also making a wish list for next year. Until I gain admission, I want to take care of myself, visit interesting places, and learn how to let things go.

That’s the plan.

Since my online job has given me a good start, I’m confident things will turn out well.

Still… I wish I had someone to share my plans with. Someone to share my happiness, my fears, my little victories.

But everyone seems busy living their own lives.

I thought cutting ties with

But sometimes… I miss the warmth. I miss the feeling of belonging somewhere.

Oh well…

Story of my life.