More Than What He Seems

First Post

    What?! My fingers froze where they were on the keyboard. How could I… why would I… I barely know him! I am an anxious ball of nervousness that spends half the time I am in his presence stuttering through a conversation. That does not sound like love in the slightest. A text notification popped up on my phone, startling me from my thoughts. The screen showed me it was from Luis.

Luis: Hey, I heard what the girls had to say about you. I still want to hang out with you, regardless. I’m not just going to push you away because of some rumor. The real you just hides because you are not used to people noticing you, but I have. Call me when you can.

    He was right about everything, and the thing is… deep down I knew that. I am always scared of getting hurt or hurting someone, so I shut myself off. I know that, and want to change it, but I do not really know how. This is something else I need to talk with my therapist about. For now, I should take a break from him. At least, until I can figure myself out… and if I really am in love with him.

***

    The next day, I was sitting in my room staring at my old blog on my laptop. Did I really want to reopen it and start writing again? Not only was that on my mind, but now I was facing my feelings down, too. Honestly, I knew little feelings or anything of the sort, especially since I never really grew up much with emotions. Usually, I just passed through the homes I was in, given up for the next one. I frowned as I thought about this before looking in the mirror in the bathroom of my apartment.

    I knew I had enjoyed the couple times I hung out with Luis, but did that mean I wanted to be with him? He seemed to always know what I was thinking and did his best to comfort me when I was feeling stressed about things. I always found that aspect of him to be really kind, though he did not have to go out of his way like that. I looked down at the sink and washed my face. Even if he was not interested in me like that, I still had fun hanging out with him. What should I do in this situation then? Keep running, or keep trying?

    I sighed before walking back into my bedroom and sinking into the chair in front of my laptop. I should at least reread the last post I made on that blog. Since he was such a fan, it would not hurt to check what other people think of it. With a curious tilt to my head, I looked over the reviews after reading my writing. Wow, they really detailed some of these responses, I thought, reading each one and considering what they wrote. I wanted to smile, to dance as I read each encouraging comment. 

    My phone rang then, and I ignored it, knowing who it was. One glance and I knew it was Luis trying to call me again. Sure, he was persistent, but was I really a suitable match for someone like him? I mean, he is so kind, so friendly, and totally out of my league. The people that talked about me much like those girls did could be mean, but almost everything they said was true. My mother was a psychopath on a mission to kill people and as I child, I was pretty messed up because of that. I could not change that part of my past.

    Luis seemed to be a really nice man, and I did not want my past to cause him trouble. It had already done that to enough people that became involved with me. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and refocused on the blog. The best thing I could really do for myself was try to distance myself from going in circles like this. I smiled wryly as I tried to refocus. I know I have the folder somewhere on my laptop from when I was working on this blog only. Finally, I found the folder and pulled up the pictures and compiled articles.

    Reworking the next post will help me clear my mind. I might just need that to get my head off Luis and back on my studies. For now, that is the most important thing to me. I sighed again as a text notification lit up my cellphone screen. What is he thinking? What does he think, now that he has heard those rumors? Turning my phone off, I looked back at the laptop. This was once fun for me, so I wonder if I can find that part of myself again.

***

    Luis was sitting in his usual spot with his friends at the college. It had been a couple of days since he had talked with Aura, so it worried him. Looking at his phone again, he sighed when she still did not reach out to him. What was he going to do if she completely stopped talking to him? Another sigh and his friends looked at him questioningly. Doing his best to ignore their gazes, he looked out at the courtyard from the second-floor window. He knew it was not like him to act this way.

“What’s bothering you?” It was David that brought it up first. “Normally, you’re more talkative than this.”

“David’s right,” Angela continued, concerned. “You normally NEVER sigh.”

“Ah, just a woman…” Luis mumbled without thinking, before quickly correcting himself. “A new friend…”

“That is a girl.” Once Jesse got involved, Luis knew it would not end well. “So, talk. Is it that Aura girl we’ve been hearing the rumors about?”

“Tell me you aren’t planning on dating a witch’s daughter…” Chris was usually silent, but he seemed oddly talkative today. “What if you end up cursed?”

    It had never even crossed his mind, mostly because he knew her. Aura was not the type of woman to involve herself that in depth with her past. At least, she did not seem to be that kind of woman. Mostly, she was really sweet and pretty cute. There was no reason for his friends to worry, but he knew if he did not talk, they would not stop. Slumping his shoulders in defeat, he looked down at the table. They would find out about her soon anyway, because he did not plan to give up on her.

“Yes, it is Aura. Aura Bedisa.” Luis replied, crossing his arms as he shot a glare at Chris. “And I know ALL about the surrounding rumors, but she’s not like that.”

“How do you know that?” Angela asked, leaning forward. “Have you known her personally for a long time?”

“Well…” He replied vaguely. “I just know. I mean, if the rumors ARE true, wouldn’t there be victims? Or people that have seen her using ‘magic’? She spends most of her time alone, avoiding people. There’s no way she’d do anything mentioned in the rumors!”

    His friends shared a glance before looking back at him. On one hand, he was an excellent judge of character normally, but on the other, he had friends like these. As he thought this, he knew which of the four was likely to believe the rumors. Chuckling to himself, he shook his head and looked back at Chris, David, Jesse, and Angela. He froze in an instant, their knowing smirks a dead giveaway that he had just made things a hundred times worse for himself.

“You’re cute when you’re in love, Luis.” Angela said with a giggle. “I’ve never seen you interested in a woman before, so this is a first. Haven’t you only seen her twice?”

“I…” Leaning as far back from those gazes as possible, he tried to backtrack. “I never said…”

“You didn’t have to.” Jesse replied, pointing his pencil at him. “You were defending her as though we offended you personally. You should have seen the look on your face.”

“Is she really that amazing?” David wondered as he turned his attention to his book. “I mean, her mother was a psychopath.”

“She’s actually very sweet, always positive, and is just downright adorable! It’s so cute how she gets embarrassed over the slightest of things.” Luis said, pouting slightly because he knew they were making fun of him. “In fact, she’s extremely intelligent as well. About twelve years ago, she put together this blog that combines art, history, and religion and finds the link between the three.”

“Dude, you are so in love with her.” Angela giggled again, patting him on the shoulder. “If she’s that adorable, I want to meet her. Have you asked her to be your girlfriend yet?”

“Ange is right.” Jesse stated with a big smile. “Invite her on our camping trip in a few weeks, and make it official before you do, Mister Enamored.”

    Luis nodded before sinking back into thought again. First, he would have to reach her heart. Looking at his phone again, another sigh left him. Still nothing. Out of curiosity, he opened her blog page and waiting for him was the biggest shock of his life. Apparently, she had reopened the blog and had just posted something about ten minutes prior. Reading through her words, he smiled slightly before he realized none of her other fans had noticed yet. 

    Pointing to his phone, Luis stepped away to make a few phone calls. If what she said in her blog was any sign at all, she would start posting a weekly update on her findings. He had hoped that taking her to that art gallery would encourage her, but he did not know how effective it would be. After he stepped into the hallway, he looked around for any eavesdroppers before looking through his contact list. What good luck for him? They had involved him in the original group of fans, so he knew some of them personally.

“Hey, did you see Angel_Aura posted a new update to her blog?!” Luis’s voice carried in the hallway before he quietened it down. “I got first comment this time!”

“Luis, you take that far too seriously.” The man on the line said, chuckling at his antics. “I’m glad you invited her to the Gallery. I’ll let the others know.”

“Thanks, Joshua. I’m sure she got some inspiration from that visit.” He replied with a smirk. “I can’t wait to see where she takes it next.”

    He and Joshua had been among the first of Aura’s fans back when she first started her blog. It was impressive that someone had thought of combining things the way she did, especially at her age at the time she started the blog. The goal of the gallery had been to bring interested minds together to discuss further into what Aura had begun, and the very first one, ten years ago, had been extremely successful. Luis was proud of what they had accomplished.

“I can’t either. She has a lot of talent for writing.” Joshua with a smile in his voice. “A few of us are thinking about asking her to publish her posts into books we can carry with us when we visit different countries.”

    Luis agreed with him before they ended the call. Tapping the email application on his phone, he sent out a mass email to the people he knew that were her fans. Her newest post included more information based on the last one, and further explained on the ideas she had mentioned previously. Of course, he would have to hold his excitement in check, but he really hoped he could talk to her again soon. She was proving stubborn about the entire thing.

    Pulling up his contact list, he tried to call her again, only for it to go to voicemail. Luis knew it upset her, probably because of the rumors about her. After hearing the women out the other day, he had to do his best to keep his anger in check. Aura was the type to let things like that bother her, he thought, gripping his phone tighter. Luis honestly wanted to be with her. He shook his head with a sigh, hands on his hips, and looked at the ground. 

    He knew he could reach her if she gave him enough time. All he had to do was keep trying until she realized he did not plan on giving up. Of course, if she asked him to, Luis would stop. He knew she was still new to this, after all. Opening the texting application on his phone, he typed out something he hoped would get through to her before deleting it with another sigh. Was there anything he could say to convince her she could trust his feelings?

“Hey, are you still moping because she hasn’t contacted you?” David asked, walking out into the hall. “Because that’s just not like you.”

“No, just thinking about how hungry I am.” Luis replied with a sigh. “You guys are far too nosy for your own good.”

    Luis looked one last time at his cellphone before tucking it into his pocket. With another sigh, he turned back to the classroom to talk with his friends. The whole situation was troubling, especially since there was nothing he could do to change the entire world’s opinion of her. Aura would reach out when she was good and ready. He would just have to be patient and understand that. After all, he has already waited this long. What is a bit longer?