Diary of a Love Lost

“There are many kinds of cuts. There are the shallow ones, no more than a scratch on the surface. They sting and burn, but you know the pain will soon end, and when it does, they are forgotten. There are the cuts that manage to break the surface, deep enough to make you bleed. Yeah, they hurt, and they may even cause you some discomfort for a little while, but you heal, and the remaining scar is small, and the wound is all but forgotten. Then there are the cuts that cut much deeper, you hemorrhage, and the pain is debilitating. You feel as though you will never heal, but as time goes on, you do heal. You move on, left with the scar and a memory of the pain, you will never forget it, but you do move on. There is one more type of cut, though. A cut much worse than the others, the type of cut that slices straight through you, through the flesh to pierce your soul. The type that never heals. The surface wound may heal, but the scar is more than you can bear, and the hole in your soul forever remains, leaving you with a pain that never ends and a piece of yourself forever missing. There is no moving on, no true healing. That kind of cut, the kind that carves away at your very being, that is the type of cut you left on me….” Tears streamed down Mia’s face as she wrote her letter, a letter she knew he would never read. Hell, it would probably never be read by anyone. She just needed to get it out. To say the words she felt, even if only to herself. She no longer talked to any of her friends or family, most just reminded her of the pain, and the rest just always seemed so worried or inconvenienced by her sadness that it was too difficult to face them. She no longer went out, only to school, and even there she could feel the stares. She couldn't keep the pain hidden. It followed her everywhere, like a dark cloud. More accurately like a dark memory that invaded every inch of her mind. She had no reprieve from it. Not even sleep brought peace, quite the opposite really. Nights were the worst. Her subconscious tormented her with dreams of happiness, memories of a time before the pain, but those dreams never lasted. Inevitable, they always faded into a nightmare that replayed the day her life came crashing down. Memories too painful to bear, playing over and over again on a loop in her subconscious mind. She barely slept just to avoid the dreams. This is how Mia had spent the last 6 months; isolated, lost, and broken. She had all but given up. ---------------- Every story starts somewhere, for Mia, the true beginning of this story started on a sunny Friday in August; the day she left for college. Much to her mother's anguish, she had been accepted to a school two states away. It was a good school, maybe not Ivy League, but a well-respected school nonetheless. Mia promised her mother she would come home to visit every break, and maybe even on some weekends if she could afford it. With that, she hugged her mom goodbye, got in her car, and drove away. Excited to start down this new path. After an exhausting 8 hour drive, she finally arrived at the place she would now call home. She had chosen a small flat above an old shop downtown. It was affordable, not too run down and off campus. Mia wasn't an extremely social person, so living off campus just suited her better. The flat was only a 5 minute drive from the college and was nestled smack in the middle of town so she could walk to just about anywhere else she needed to go. She unloaded her bags and headed up the small stairs on the side of the building. Once she reached the top, she slowly knocked on the door, but no one answered. Mia checked her watch. It was only 6:45, her new landlady had said she would meet her here at 7, so it makes sense that no one was there yet. Setting down her bags, Mia sat down on the steps and took a minute to examine her surroundings. The building was an old brick building, surrounded by many other shops in similar old buildings. Exactly as she expected, this was the historic section of downtown, only two blocks from the city square. The shop below her seemed to be a boutique full of modern clothing and accessories, not her style, but still a nice-looking store. She could see a pharmacy down the street, and what might be a grocery store a few blocks away. She would have to check them out in the morning. There were plenty of other boutiques, an antique store, a coffee shop, and a few cafes sprawled along the surrounding blocks. She was pretty sure she had everything she needed right there within sight. She was so busy contemplating her surroundings that she hadn't even noticed the car pull into the small parking lot next to the building, nor did she notice the young woman approaching the stairs. “Excuse me, are you Mia Harper?” “Sorry to keep you waiting.” Mia glanced at her watch again. It was only 6:55. “You really don't need to apologize, I just arrived sooner than planned. It is actually still a little early.” “oh, I am always late, so I just assumed when I saw you sitting there that I was late again. I am Tara Swarts.” “Tara? I was sure I spoke to Valarie Swarts”. Tara smiled, “‘Yes, that is my mom. She technically owns this building, but I do most of the managing for her.” “I see, makes sense.” Tara made her way to the top of the stairs and handed Mia a single key. “Want to go in and finish up the paperwork?” “I emailed everything to your mom last week” Mia was sure she hadn’t missed any forms. Tara just smiled a kind smile, “Yeah we just need to do a few things, a receipt for the key and a walk through. It shouldn't take long. Do you need help bringing up any of your things?” Mia glanced down on her two small suitcases, “ No, this is all I brought. The flat is fully furnished, right?” “Yeah, but just the basics, you will need your own dishes, sheets, towels, and such.” Mia instantly felt overwhelmed. She was so careful to be prepared, yet she hadn’t thought to bring any of those things. “Don’t worry about it, I am sure you can find everything you need in the shops nearby." "Can we head in now?" "I gave you the key.” Mia unlocked the door, and they headed inside. The flat was quite a bit larger than the pictures had made it seem. To the left was a living room area and decent kitchen area. Straight ahead seemed to be set up as the dining area. To the right was a wall screen separating what was set up as a bedroom. The only actual separation was the bathroom in the far right corner near the bedroom area. Through the bathroom door, Mia could see a sink with a small counter, a toilet, and a stand-up shower. ‘No bathtub, too bad’. “Okay, so what do I need to sign?” Tara pulled a folder from her purse and set it on the dining room table. “I need you to sign this, stating you received the key and this one that lists any pre-existing damage. I also need the check for your deposit and first month's rent.” Mia retrieved the check from her bag and placed it on the counter. Then began to confirm the walk through form, a crack in the tile here, a stain on the carpet there, etc, etc. Once she was done and signed her forms, she slid them to Tara. “Alrighty, I will get out of your hair and let you get settled. If you have any issues or need anything, feel free to call me, I will leave you my number.” Tara set down a sticky note she had already written her number on. “Have a nice night, and maybe I will see you at school.” “Wait, what do you mean? Are you a student at Willow Oak as well?” “Yep, business management, second year, what about you?” “Digital Arts and Graphic Design” Tara frowned, “Oh, dang, I thought it would be cool to have classes together but it doesn't seem like that will be happening” Mia smiled, she wasn’t very social, but knowing at least one student at school would be kind of nice. “Maybe we will have some core classes together, and I am sure we will see each other around campus.” “Yeah that will be cool, I haven’t picked up my schedule yet, how about you?” Mia laughed, “Well seeing as I just got into town, no, I haven’t had a chance to do that yet.” “oh yeah, I didn’t think about that. I am going on Monday, do you want to go with me, I can show you around.” “Yeah, that would be nice. Pick me up around 10?” “Awesome, 10 it is then!” And with that, Tara waved and headed out.