Confessions and stuff

The first time you met him, you were repelled at the sight of him. You coldly blew him off when he tried talking to you. You could not believe a day would come when you are faced with a dirty looking, thug like street urchin like him. You felt like the universe conspired against you. You felt too big to be approached by someone like him. You cursed your cousin for taking you to a place like that. A place where just anyone felt they could walk up to you and ask for your phone number. You left her there and went to an ice cream shop to "cool off". You went home. You had a lot on your mind. The provider boyfriend you took for granted broke up with you a month ago after catching you cheat on him with your male bestie's brother's friend ( as you put it) and now, you realize that your foodstuffs are gone. You didn't have money to restock. You had a feeling the neighbor you borrowed money from last week will embarrass you in public one of these days. Your mind wonders back to the street urchin from earlier. You secretly admit to yourself that he is good looking and a potential boyfriend material, but he didn't look like he had anything to offer money wise. You didn't want a hard life and you didn't want to work for it. You picked up your phone to call a few clients before laying down to rest. The second time you met him, you were bargaining for a cup of garri at mama Nkechi's small shop just across the street from your cousin's small apartment. You were squatting with her since you could no longer afford to pay for your furnished apartments and got kicked out. You expected him to talk to you but he completely ignored you. You didn't want to admit to yourself that he looked way better than last time. He looked like he was living a good life. You didn't look bad yourself. You couldn't afford to look like your problems. He took out the iphone 17 pro you hadn't noticed the first time you met him. That made you feel like hiding the itel android phone you were carrying. Why didn't you carry your iphone instead you thought internally. The fact that he was ignoring you was starting to irritate you. So you did what you never thought you'd ever do. You initiated a conversation with him. He didn't seem interested in talking to you and his reason was that you humiliated him the first time. You apologized and came up with some flimsy excuse as to why you had acted the way you did. You collected your cup of garri and turned to leave. Then you heard him tell mama Nkechi to transfer a sum of 500k to the usual account number. You felt a mix of emotion within you. Happiness, sadness and something else..in the line of jealousy. You were happy because now you know he has money and you spoke to him before you realized he had money so It wouldn't look like you spoke to him because you knew he had money. He can't see you as the gold digger that you are. You felt sad because you assumed he was sending the money to his girlfriend. A good looking guy like that definitely had to have a girlfriend. And he said the usual account number. Definitely has to be a girlfriend. Thank thought made you feel jealous of whoever the girlfriend is. Then again, it could be that he was sending money to his sick mother or father or sister. That made you feel better. While still in thought, you didn't realize you had slowed your pace. You also didn't realize that he was walking right beside you. You will later find out that him coming to Mama Nkechi's shop was an elaborate plan to get your phone number. You blushed when he told you that because you didn't think the word elaborate was needed. Over the next few months, you felt like a queen. Kenneth made you feel loved, special and treated you like an actual baby. You had never thought you could feel that way. He moved you to a larger apartment, took you out on countless dates, showered you with all sorts of gifts. The day you asked if you could sleep over at his place, he flatly told you he wasn't interested in your body and declined. You felt angry at yourself. Angry that you literally threw yourself at him. The embarrassment you felt made you ghost him for days. He found you at mama Nkechi's shop. You had run to your cousin's place to hide. He demanded to know why you were acting that way. You had no choice but to tell him the truth. He promised never to make you feel that way again. Then he assured you that he really was in love with you and wanted you to know that it wasn't for s*x. You felt really happy and blessed to have found someone like that despite the wild life you were forced to live. If only you had loving parents you wouldn't have lived so recklessly. Ken seemed like an answered prayer.you loved him more than anything you could think of and he loved you the same if not more. Or so you thought.... Now tied to a wooden table, eyes red and puffy from crying all night, wrists bleeding and struggling with the rough rope used to tie them together, voice hoarse from screaming, body too week to move, you begin to wallow in self pity and regrets. You realize too late that Kenneth... Your Kenneth is a yahoo boy who dabbles in human sacrifice for wealth and you delivered yourself to him by yourself. You couldn't do anything. You were number. Physically, emotionally and psychologically. He comes into the room with a smug smile on his face. Mocks you for being powerless before picking up the knife. The knife that was razor sharp and menacing. The knife that has ended a lot of lives as he told you and the knife that will end you In minutes. You blame your poor fate for your predicament. You blame poverty for turning Kenneth into a menace. You blame your parents for child neglect. You blame yourself for making poor choices and judgements. But who really is to blame? You? Poverty? Kenneth? Your parents? Destiny? Money? Or society? This question lingers in your mind as the sharp pain announces the contact of the knife with your flesh.