Monstrous

18

Nile Cale

The night was absolutely insane. The best part was being able to celebrate with my dad. All the fathers' took their sons out to the parking lot and drank beers as we sang recklessly along to music. My dad paraded me around telling everyone I was his son and that he was proud of me. I honestly didn't think he was coming tonight, but seeing him support me the way he did with no shame, made me think that maybe he was getting better, and that there was hope for a happy ending. The celebration lasted for several hours, I was invited to go to a party but I declined. Today was amazing but I couldn't get the image of Autumn leaving the game without so much of a goodbye or a congratulations. Did it irritate me? Yes. Did I do anything wrong? No, I honestly don't think I did. Our interactions were minimal this week and I missed her like hell, so I called her three times but I got no answer. Texted her asking her if she had any plans for the weekend, and still no response. I felt inclined to go to her house, I hated the thought of me just coming over unannounced but Autumn was deliberately ignoring me and I couldn't stand not knowing why. I grabbed my duffle bag out from my trunk after stepping out of my car. I knew her mother wasn't home because Adam sent me a hilarious photo of Autumn's and Jacob's mom hauling his drunken mother out of a car. I texted her that I was outside. I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to hold her and never let go, so when she opened the door completely unmoved by my presence, it hurt, especially knowing all I wanted was to see her. She just turned right back around after opening the door and stepped into the entryway. I could never get over how big her house was. I sighed deeply and shut the door behind me after stepping into her house and locking the door.

She wore a tight part of shorts that didn't cover her thighs, and an oversized cropped hoodie that gave me a small view of her stomach. I wasn't even done admiring her appearance when she turned around and began to walk towards the direction of her kitchen.

"No hi? No congratulations? Not even a hug?" I asked with a faint confused smile on my lips, I didn't want to give off a hostile attitude so I kept it cool and followed her to the kitchen where the kitchen island was littered with fruits. There was a light pink liquid in the blender, she must've been making a smoothie, immediately I got reminded of our time in the cabin.

"I'm not really in the mood Nile.." She spat, she picked up a small butter knife and went back to cutting up the fruits in smaller portions. Was it her period? I opened my mouth to ask but I'd rather walk through the hottest part of hell before commenting on a woman's menstrual cycle and the potential symptoms.

"I'm not really in the mood either. Autumn, my whole body is aching, and all I wanted was to come here and be with you but just say the words and I'll go, I won't be in a place where I'm not wanted.." I stood in the doorway of the kitchen slowly losing my patience, the last tackle to a bad toll on my and my entire body is in pain, but instead of going home and crashing. I decided to come here, and its looking like I just wasted my time and energy.

"No one told you to come here, in fact I thought that ignoring your messages gave a pretty clear image that I wanted nothing to do with you.." Autumn didn't even look at me, she just simply took the top off the blender and drop the pieces of fruit she had just cut into it. I never knew Autumn to be cold, what she was doing was hurting me more than she knew. I just stood there not wanting to take in her words because it would've pained me way too much. There was no use of saying anything else, I just nodded my head and turned around already mapping my exit through the front door and to my car.

"I mean...what else could I say Nile? That Julien is indeed hot or.." Instantly my mind went back to the conversation I had on the field before the game started, there was no f*****g way she could've heard that either way, what I said was completely taken out of context and she needed to know that, but mentally going over the entire night, she must've seen how me and Jules were talking, and how she threw herself at me after the game. Yes, I knew very well that Jules had feelings for me but it wasn't reciprocated, we are just very close friends and that's it.

"So you're upset that I have female friends? You completely took my words out of context, and instead of pulling me aside and asking me you decided to run with it and paint a false picture in your head?" I dropped my duffle bag onto the ground and approached the kitchen island standing across from her. I didn't intend on sounding so defensive but I did and now there was no turning back. Autumn chuckled as she cut the leaves off strawberries, she nodded her head vigorously biting onto her bottom lip.

"I watched both of you the entire game, you guys were extremely friendly, borderline flirtatious with each other and you expected me to think that you guys were simply friends?" Autumn pulled back from cutting her fruits and looked at me. In her eyes I just saw her contemplating about every girl I've hooked up with, she crossed her arms over her chest and waited for me to respond. I couldn't find the right words to say, I remained silent and took a seat on a stool at the island.

"You think you did nothing wrong with Julien, that I'm just overreacting, then fine, act how you want with your female friends, whom you have a tendency to hook up with, do that single and far away from me" She said annoyed with my silence, Autumn focused her attention on her fruits on the table and the liquid in the blender. Was she suggesting that we break up? I feel like everything I say was just going to bite me in the ass. I sighed deeply and just looked at Autumn, I could see that she was hurting and conflicted. Insecure and afraid of the things I've done in the past, in the end I couldn't blame her. The side of me she first met was a raging monster, that's going to stay in her head forever.

"You were the only person that I wanted to celebrate with, but I couldn't even talk to you because your mom was there and I know we agreed to keep what we have a secret but it's hard knowing I can't even kiss you or hold you in public. I guess I was longing to do that with someone, anyone, and Julien was there but my behavior was inappropriate and I apologize, I hurt you and it was never my intention.." If I had known that being in a secret relationship was going to be this difficult I would've never agreed to it, and told the world how I felt about Autumn, but she wasn't comfortable with the thought of being so exposed to the world. Slowly Autumn looked up with a more calmed expression on her face, Autumn began to fidget with the ends of her sleeves, we kept each other's gaze for a whole before she spoke up.

"Watching you with your dad, your friends, with Julien, made me feel like I was looking in on something that was none of my business. I felt like a stranger..." Autumn was fighting back her tears shaking her trying to rid them. I thought she had calmed down, but it was just the small drizzle of rain before the storm.

"Like what are you doing with me, when that could be your life?" She motioned out to me but she was referring to the events of tonight. Her knitted eyebrows and pressed lips told me that she was serious and demanded an answer, but I couldn't give her one. Frustration fueled my actions and I ran my fingers through my hair shaking my head faintly.

"Autumn, what f**k are you talking about? From the second we met to now has been nothing but ups and down met with confusion. I don't know how to answer your question but out of all the places I could be tonight, I wanted to be here. Shouldn't that mean something??" I asked her hating the fact that our relationship is now in question. She looked away from me panting lightly, she crossed her arms over her chest. In the silence, it had looked like she was gathering her thoughts, I hoping that she was coming to a conclusion on this petty fight. I just wanted it to end.

"Answer me this, and I'll be done.." Autumn took a deep breath and approached me with a calm tone. I leaned back in my seat, nodding my head signaling for her to go on, excited that this quarrel would end in the matter of seconds.

"Did you ever have s*x with Julien? Or did anything with her?" She asked, in her eyes, I could see the insecurity, and the raging the jealously. This thing was eating her up inside, I could just see how my past with the girls I've slept with was effecting her. Not only was I protecting myself, but also Autumn and our relationship. I leaned forward, making sure I held her eyes with a stern expression on my face so she could take in my seriousness.

"No" I stated bluntly, I bit my tongue and tightened my jaw, all I wanted was for this to end and that was the only acceptable answer tonight, so we could move past this. Autumn stood there in silence with an unreadable expression before sucking in a deep breath.

"Congrats on scoring the winning touchdown, you were amazing, I'm so proud of you.." Autumn had a faint smile on her lips, she calmed down and the sight relaxed me. I nodded at her with a smirk and shrugged coyly, I was going to make a playful remark but Autumn's cheeks began to glisten with tears.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I'm so insecure when it comes to other girls, I don't k-know why I can't just let go of my fears, I'm s-sorry-" Autumn began to ramble, I shot up from my seat hating the sight of her being so upset. She needed to know that I didn't look down on her in anyway nor did I blame her. This was something new for the both of us, and its going to be scary. I took her into my arms and refused to let her blame herself anymore. She wept into my sweatshirt and I held her tightly letting her know that she had nothing to apologize for, but I did just having lied straight to her face.