Monstrous

1

    “E-Everything I did was for you, and you spat in my face and became the monstrous person I know you are, the person you have always been!”

    “Yeah?! If it wasn’t for me, you still would’ve been that fragile little freak scared of her own shadow!”

    “I HATE YOU!”

    “And yet, you had the audacity to tell me otherwise? Y-You made me believe that-”

Eight months earlier

                                                                                 Nile Cale

    “Nile, I called you in here today because I want you to know that there are options for you-” I nervously bounced my leg up and down as my fingers picked off the small balls of lint inside the pockets I tucked my hands into.

    “What the f**k are you talking about?” I hissed with a raised eyebrow, I knew exactly what Ms. Jones was talking about, I'd heard the same sentence from every single teacher I had in my life that saw the bruises on my face.

    “Nile, look at your face, the puncture in your eye is horrendous. If you are scared, you don’t have to be” She said with desperation written all over her face. A smirk pranced onto my lips. All these years after hiding and lying in pain, I had grown so accustomed to it I wanted nothing to be done. My father normalized the abuse for me and I just didn’t care for anything, maybe because I didn’t deserve change.

    “You know you people are hilarious. I had a football game on Friday, which wasn’t easy winning. Hell, I know twenty other guys who have worse bruises than me, and half of them sat on the f*****g bench-” I had used the football excuse once again, and there was no way she or anyone could prove otherwise. A scoff left my lips, and I stood up from the chair as the counselor looked at me,  speechless. Her bottom lips trembled as she searched for words to speak. I bent down and picked up my bag that laid on the floor. 

    “Have a nice day” I mumbled before turning away from her desk and going straight towards the door. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and pulled the door open, walked through it, and slammed it behind me carelessly. I threw my hoodie over my head and kept it over my eyes. The hoodie cast a shadow over my face, concealing the injuries from the outside world. After walking Autumn home, I expected everything but my father being so angry. Even though his abuse is constant, sometimes when I’m at the front door I just beg that one day he’ll just stop or change, or just see me for who I am; his son. My mom had called me, after it happened just to see how the game went and I tried holding it, all the pain and devastation but it all came toppling out when I heard Charlie asking for me. I waited until my father was passed out drunk before leaving the house. My mother ordered me a ride, and I ended up at her place thirty minutes later. Charlie was fast asleep by the time I got there. My mother had to witness the damage the man she had once loved had done to her son. She cried, horrendously, blaming herself, holding me, telling me it was going to be okay. My mother had tended to my injuries to the best of her ability before I crashed on her couch. Charlie was on my chest when I woke up. His eyes were puffy getting ready to burst out crying. I told him the same lie I told the guidance counselor, it was football, and that I was fine. I spent that Saturday with him, hanging out, eating, I had scheduled an appointment to get a new tattoo, Charlie had seen what I had chosen and he insisted on getting one too.That little rascal, for obvious reasons I couldn’t so I got him the next best thing. A new stuffed animal. We were on our way to the movies when I had gotten a text from my mom to pick up her paycheck at the diner and we had also gotten hungry, so it was convenient. I didn’t expect to see her there, Autumn. She had clarified that she didn’t want me around, and I wasn’t in the mood to pursue anyone or anything. So without catching her eye, I walked right past her. Sunday, I hung out with a few people at Adam’s place, nothing different. Now the cycle starts all over again.

    “Where did you go after the party?” Once I turned the corner, I halted at the sight of Autumn talking to Romeo and Jacob, Terry was also hanging around noticeably making Autumn uncomfortable.

     “I was exhausted, so I went home, but congratulations on the win” Autumn flashed a smile to Romeo and Jacob but avoided eye contact with Terry, who was leaning against the lockers beside her while the two boys stood in front of her. She looked different, her hair was pulled back into a messy low bun, she wore blue denim jeans and brown ankle-high boots and a light pink oversized sweater that fell off of her shoulders and ran past her fingertips. She looked brighter, happier. Maybe because we had finally moved past the petty phase of us hating each other.

    “There was a little rumor that you left with someone, that true?” Terry smirked while eyeing her up and down. He still wanted her. Autumn sighed gently, holding her books to her chest, and ignored Terry. s**t, me and Autumn weren’t exactly discrete at the party, I wonder if my name was being spoken. 

    “I have to get to class, I’ll see you Romeo. Jacob, I’ll see you after school?” She asked as Romeo pulled her into a hug, Jacob nodded with a soft smile on his lips before wrapping his arms around her frame. She waved to the both of them and brushed past Terry, walking in the opposite direction from me. 

    “Autumn is so hot, in her own freaky little way” Terry hissed as she watched her walk away, disappearing in the distance. He disgusted me, I still wanted to rip his throat out. A deep sigh escaped my lips, mentally preparing myself before walking up to the three of them.

    “Dude, back off, she isn’t interested in you. As you can see, she practically ignored your existence” Romeo chuckled gently nudging Jacob’s side, he let out a soft chuckle at Romeo’s statement. Jacob was the first to make eye contact with me 

    “Nile, what’s up?” Jacob said, reaching his hand out to squeeze mine in an informal handshake, and Romeo did the same. Terry crossed his arms over his chest and eyed me down with an ice cold glare in his eyes.

    “The f**k happened to your face?” Terry smirked gently. I hated that smug, condescending smirk of his. It made me go insane. 

    “What happened to your arm again?” I motioned to the white cast that still laid itself on his arm. Did I have to remind him I could’ve killed him for his perverted ass? Watching him lay there unconscious, bleeding out on the ground gave me a sick satisfaction. The smirk fell from his lips, a sudden wave of fear crashed in his eyes, and he shifted off the lockers, uncomfortably.

    “Let’s go Romeo, we’ll be late for AP government” Terry clenched his jaw and stormed off. A grin grew from my lips at the sight of Terry cowering away. Both Jacob and Romeo looked at him with a confused expression on his face. Romeo said his quick goodbyes before jogging to catch up with Terry, who turned into a new hall. Jacob had looked around the hall and exhaled before focusing his eyes on me and lifted the hoodie off my face.

    “Fuck..” He gasped gently. My jaw clenched, and I turned away from him, but Jacob being the relentless friend he is didn’t let me go that easily. He grabbed onto my arm and turned me back to face him.

    “It’s not as bad as it looks..” I whispered with a gentle shrug of my shoulders, I knew that Jacob wouldn’t talk my word for it. His eyes steadily skimmed my face, analyzing over every detail.

    “This is getting worse, Nile. We nee-” I yanked my arm out of his grip and spun away from him and began storming off. I already knew what he was going to say.

    “We can’t do s**t alright? They’ll take Charlie away into the system..” I hissed, making sure I didn’t scream in these halls that carried conversations for miles. I had run every scenario in my head about what to do about my father. If I tell anyone about what he has been doing, they’ll put Charlie into the system, my mom wouldn’t be able to file for custody she isn’t his actual mother and there was no way in hell my father would give her custody willingly. He’ll end up in a foster home, where they’ll do God knows what to him.

    “Okay, okay Nile, I understand. Calm down-!” Jacob ran and halted in front of me. He held his hands out in front of him, showing that he was no threat to me. I pushed his hands back down and let out a heavy breath.

    “I know it’s not your thing but come to this group therapy meeting over in the high school library, at least talk about your feelings” The thought of hand-holding, feeling talking, and sitting in a circle made me gag in disgust. Here I thought Jacob was joking, but he was serious, which caused a few chuckles to leave my mouth. 

    “Nile, it’s every Sunday and Wednesdays. We talk about our loved ones that we have lost, Roxy goes there, Bella goes, Autumn just started showing up yesterday. We have amazing discussions-” There was no way in hell I would go to some cult meeting to manipulate me into talking about my feelings. Especially not with Autumn there, I was making it my mission to just stay away from her as much as possible. My hand lifted and tapped Jacob’s shoulder, I scoffed at his suggestion and rolled my eyes.

    “You have therapy, all that sing-song bullshit is for you. Me, I smoke and I have s*x. There is no shame in either coping methods,” I brought my hand up to his cheek and tapped it gently.

    “Don’t you worry about me Jacob, I’ll be fine” I dropped my hand down from his face and winked before treading off down the hall. This time Jacob didn’t bother pleading with me. The last I heard from him was a deep exhale escaping his lips and his footsteps retreating away.

    My classes were numbing and boring me to death. By my last class, I was mentally and physically tapped out. I was the first one to get to class after the bell rang. My head was on the desk staring up at the clock watching the arrows move with little to no movement. 

    “Autumn did her research paper last night-” Two girls engaged in deep conversation walked into the classroom, I brought my eyes away from the clock and watch them move down the aisle.

    “I can’t see how, she and Jacob were all cuddled up last night-” One girl said, rolling her eyes with a smirk on her face. It irritated me how they could talk s**t about someone they didn’t even know. Autumn wasn’t even interested in Jacob. As they sat down a few desks away from me, the other girl had pulled a piece of paper out from her binder and held it in front of her face.

    “I swear that they are together-” The statement made me tighten my jaw with annoyance. It was like they wanted their conversation to be heard, My head lifted from the desk and I opened my mouth to shoot down the rumors they were giving birth to.

    “You guys are impossible to deal with-” Before I could say anything, Autumn herself walked down the aisle. Instead of anger, Autumn spoke with a soft tone, with a smirk on her lips.

    “Jacob, as my friend, helped me with my paper” Autumn sat down in the desk in front of the two girls. She snatched the paper out of the girl’s hands and shook her head, giggling.

    “Well, if Jacob is just a good friend, who did you leave the party with?” One girl asked Autumn, and it dumbfounded her, her mouth hung open not knowing how to answer. A laugh covered up her apparent nervousness, and she shook her head.

    “I didn’t leave the party with anyone Jessica, my mom called me and that’s why I left. No more conspiracy theories” The girls shrugged, reluctantly accepting her answer. She had gotten better at lying. How did she even know those girls? Why was she so different? Laughing along with those girls, making jokes, answering all the teachers' questions. It was like she had changed completely since the last time I saw her. 

    “Alright class, that's the bell. I’ll see you guys tomorrow” The teacher smiled as she sat back down behind her desk. At last school was finally over, the time completely flew right by me. I was so focused on her that the world didn’t process in my mind. Autumn gathered her books off her desk and stood up, grabbing her bag by its strap and swinging it over her shoulder. As she walked out of class, her eyes would catch mine. Ocean eyes, once monstrous waves on a dark stormy night, were now calm smooth blue waters on a bright sunny day. All the pain I had caused her, everything I did to torment this girl, made me feel sick just thinking about it. Not being able to take the guilt, I broke our gaze and brought my attention back on the outside world. My body shot up from the seat as if it was on fire. There were so many things that rushed through my mind, so many words left unspoken, and it was probably for the best. Once I stormed out of the class, I watched her walk down the hall, engaging in conversation with her newfound friends. Her laugh rang through my mind as I turned away, walking in the opposite direction. Maybe we were just a phase in each other’s lives. She was happy, and who was I to interfere with that?