Monstrous

4

                                                                            Autumn Marie Tyler

    “I just don’t get why all these teachers thought it would be funny to assign tests all in the same day” Roxy commented as she fiercely slammed her Chemistry textbook. I looked up from my English flashcards and rolled my eyes. The room had been silent for a while now, if I was going to be completely honest ever since Nile and Adam arrived I couldn’t focus. I was completely blindsided by them coming here. It was supposed to be me, Roxy, and Bella. Even though Bella was still mad at me about kissing Adam she agreed that a study session would be beneficial to all of us. Then Jacob tagged along and he brought Hunter, then somehow Maddie had the audacity to come by with Stella. I thought the surprises would end then Adam showed up with Nile. Everyone had retreated to their spots in the living room since it was large, I was on the couch and Roxy was sitting on the ground in front of the coffee table, Bella was a few feet away sitting in a recliner with her eyes glued into her geometry book. Jacob and Hunter were on the ground in front of the fireplace with flashcards sprawled out on the surrounding ground. Adam, Maddie, and Stella were sitting in a small dining area with text books on the circular table. Nile, he had just looked different, the bad kind of different. Behind his eyes was a broken soul trying to conceal itself in pretending. He had his hoodie pulled over his head as he sat at the bay window, He was fully occupied him on studying what was in front of him.

    “We’ve been at this for hours. I think I’m all set” Maddie closed her textbook and I smiled hearing those words fall from her lips and extended my arm out towards the door.

    “Well if that's the case. Have a pleasant night” Having this many people here was not what I was planning, my mother was in the city opening up a new office for her real estate business until Sunday. Maddie stood up from the table narrowing her eyes at my sly smirk and crossed her arms over her chest.

    “Lets relax, have a drink, converse with one another” Everyone in the room looked at Maddie who walked around the living room. A soft sigh escaped my lips, and I looked back down at my flashcards paying no mind to Maddie and her attempt to distract the group.

    “We aren’t even friends Maddison, and if you want a drink, there are juice boxes and sodas in the refrigerator. Help yourself” I bit my upper lip trying to get my head back in the headspace of studying. Unfortunately, Maddie had an influence on the others around her.

    “Well freak-” Stella’s condescending voice brought my eyes up from my flashcards, it was baffling how comfortable she had gotten with disrespecting me when I didn’t even bother with having a conversation with her. Its astounding to me when I could out her for having s*x with Nile while he was still with Maddie. I wasn’t the one to judge or call all out another female. She stood up from the table and smirked at me 

    “I think everyone can agree that we should relax, Right Nile?” Stella turned to Nile who was focused on the Chemistry book in front of him.  He looked up completely clueless, he shrugged gently and shook his head.

    “I’m really behind so I just need to focus. I think everyone should just continue studying” He looked up at Stella who was shocked at his answer. I think everyone was. Nile looked back down at his book and Stella scoffed and looked away from him.

    “Not everyone wants to be depressing, so I’ll be in your kitchen, if anyone wants to join-” Maddie motioned to the kitchen as she left the living room. Stella would soon follow behind her retreating to the kitchen. Roxy got up from the floor and stretched out, she shrugged while looking at me then followed the girls into the kitchen. 

    “I’m exhausted, a small break wouldn’t hurt” Bella said getting up from the couch, she put her book in her place. Bella walked out of the living room, of course Adam’s eyes followed her until she was out of sight. He shot up from his seat and went after Bella. Soon, Hunter and Jacob would follow them, Jacob nudged my knee wanting me to go into the kitchen but I shook my head declining. Once they left the room, I dropped my attention down to the flashcards. I curled up on the couch and brought the cards closer to my face. As I study the terms for my English test tomorrow I couldn’t help but be distracted by a person who had done nothing to draw attention to himself. He had looked like he was struggling with the new material, I mean he wasn’t around for two weeks. I wondered what he had gotten himself involved with. I don’t f*****g like her. His voice continued to ring through my mind, of course he didn't, what did I expect? Do I even like him? I bit the inside of my mouth and looked back down at the cards. Focus, Autumn, focus. Another five minutes went by and there was nothing but dead silence in the living room and distant laughter coming from the kitchen. I was close to dying of boredom when his voice erupted in the silence.

    “Sorry, can I ask you something?” Nile stood towering over me holding onto his chemistry book in one hand. My head nodded, I was speechless looking at him. He sat down on the couch next to me and opened the book. As he spoke his words didn’t process in my mind, his eyes were red, bags underneath his eyes, his face was pale, even with all that..he was still so handsome. 

    “So?” Nile once again interrupted my thoughts. I was so distracted that I didn’t hear a single word that he said. My voice cleared and I looked down at the textbook and he was pointing down to one of the experiments we had done in class a few days ago.

    “Umm, Yeah. We used different chemicals to change the color of the fire. Adam actually caught on fire, luckily it was just his jacket, it was absolutely hilarious” I laughed genty recalling the memory, and my retelling brought a smile to his lips. He laughed and nodded his head, the sound was music to my ears. He shut the textbook and put it on the coffee table in front of him.

    “How are you?” He asked as he leaned back against the couch. A small shrug came to my shoulders. I reached over and placed the flashcards onto the coffee table before turning to look at him

    “Same as last time, I’m good. Are you okay? Honestly?” I was doing fine, great even. I was worried about him and his well being. The last time I saw him, he just looked so broken and lost. 

    “Yeah, I’m okay..” He lied, by the way he looked, there was no way he was okay. My lips pressed firmly together, I grew frustrated. I cared about him, I couldn’t lie and say that I didn’t because I did in ways I shouldn’t.

    “You’re not, why do you feel the need to lie to me, all the time?” I asked in a desperate whisper. Nile opened his mouth to rebuttal but he remained silent. Nile looked past me towards the kitchen before looking back at me. His jaw tightened hearing the group in the kitchen erupt in a laughter. Nile just stared at me for what felt like eternity, before leaning forward. I already saw it in his eyes what he wanted to do but my hands grasped onto both sides of his face stopping him inches away from mine. 

    “ I don’t deserve you..” He whispered, my hands caressed the sides of his face. He was stone cold but his skin was so soft, the contrast was intriguing.

    “I hate you..” I whispered, a part of me did hate him and everything that he did to hurt me. The feelings of hatred had been battling unknown feelings that I felt for him, feelings I didn’t know how to explain to him or even myself. Nile nodded his head faintly and leaned to press his forehead against mine. His touch was something I didn’t know longed for, the feeling of his skin was so electrifying.

    “I know..” He responded with a smirk on his lips. There was no rage, no sadness, no anger, and I knew that I wanted him. I wanted him in every single way possible.My heart was beating out of my chest and I didn’t want to hold back anymore.

    “As much as I want you right now Autumn, I can’t get involved with you. I’m not ready to get involved with anyone..” Nile pulled his face out from my grasp and away from my forehead and already I began to miss his touch.  Why did he keep doing this? Why did he keep pushing me away?

    “I’m broken, and eventually you will see the kind of person I am. A monster in disguise. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you ever again” My lips pressed firmly together and I looked away wanting to crawl into a hole. I couldn’t let him break me, I couldn’t let him take away all of my progress.

    “Of course. Friends?” My voice croaked, it took me everything to hold back my tears and embarrassment. Nile had tried to reach for me but I shot up from the couch avoiding his touch. I let out deep steady breaths before turning back to face him. He was still sitting on the couch looking up at me. I backed up slowly motioning to the kitchen.

    “We should go join the others..” I said wanting to get as far away from him as possible, my body turned away from him and in the kitchen's direction. As I walked away I heard his footsteps behind me 

    “Autumn-” His hand latched around my wrist and spun me back around. The last thing I wanted to hear was some kind of excuse or explanation, before I could get a word out, Nile sent his lips crashing down onto mine. I almost forgot the taste of his lips, or maybe it wasn’t about the kiss, just how it made me feel. It was exhilarating, it made my heart fly around my chest, it made my entire body heat up. The way his hands would grip onto my waist to pull me in closer  so his body heat could embrace me, made me insane. I threw my arms over his shoulders and lifted myself onto the tip of my toes. All I wanted to do was drown myself in his kisses, in his touch, in his embrace. Anger or jealousy didn't motivate this kiss, unconfronted feelings motivated it that we both felt. The spark was there, something I didn’t feel with Jacob or even Paul. Nile broke the kiss, his heavy breathing warmed up my lips, I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t realize how addictive his lips were, I leaned in but NIle gently backed me by my waist but kept me in his grasp. 

    “Friends..” Nile said faintly, I saw it in his eyes how he too enjoyed the kiss. He dropped his grip from my waist and before I could say anything, NIle brushed past me. Joining the others in the kitchen leaving me dumbfound.

    After the kiss my mind couldn't seem to focus on anything else but every detail on Nile and with every detail brought back memories from the very first day we met. Did I like him? It was a thought I kept going back and forth on. I brought the wine glass to my lips and sipped, the bitterness did me no justice, this s**t is disgusting. How could my mother consider this her expensive wine? Nile was a puzzle that I needed to arrange or a mystery to solve. My eyes had been so focused on the fire and thinking about Nile I didn’t realize the group was addressing me.

    “Autumn?-” My eyes shot away from the fire and back at the group. They had moved the coffee table over to the side and sat on the carpeted floor. Wanting to distance myself away from whatever they were doing, I sat up on the couch pondering.

    “Drunk off the wine already lightweight?” Stella’s voice shook me to my very core with pure annoyance and anger. I brought my eyes over to hers to rebuttal but the sight of Nile with his arms around her waist while she sat in between his legs left me speechless just for a few seconds before I blinked and got a hold of myself.

    “No Stella, what was the question Adam?” My eyes rolled and Stella smirked and whispered something inaudible to Nile. I bit the inside of my mouth and turned away from the two and at Adam who was asking the group questions from a game he had just downloaded onto his phone, they had also found my father stash of heavy liquor and Hunter was already passed out on the recliner and Adam could barely keep his head up.

    “Name of your first love?” I shrugged gently and licked my bottom lip. I thought about Paul and our short lived relationship together. In a way I did have love for him a long time ago.

    “I don’t think the virgin Mary has one..” It was like Stella was made to get under my skin, I brought the wine glass to my lips and chuckled softly rolling my eyes once again. The fact that I let this b***h sit in my house was absolutely insane.

    “Paul. His name was Paul Sutterman..” The group approved my answer but except one, a scoff filled with the air and it didn’t come from the lips of Stella. My eyes darted back to Nile who shook his head faintly, my head c****d to the side and I narrowed my eyes at him.

    “Is there a problem?” My anger wasn’t directed to him but to the girl she was sitting so comfortably with. The sight made me insane and I was just now admitting it to myself, or maybe I was drunk off the wine. Stella turned her head to smirk at Nile, and the entire group had actually focused their attention on Nile.

    “Shit..” Adam mumbled, Bella and Roxy sighed. I had wondered how annoyed they had gotten at Me and Nile’s arguments. We didn’t even argue that much, right? I leaned forward on the couch and shrugged at Nile who focused his eyes on me. 

    “Nothing Autumn, but can you really say you truly loved that guy?” He asked me with a smirk on his lips and I wondered if he was trying to humiliate me or prove a point. I threw my head back gulping the rest of the wine down and set the glass down onto the floor.

    “Yes I did, but what would you know about love?” Maybe I was bitter and out of line but he had no right to question me in front of everyone. The smirk fell from his lips and rage slowly replaced the joy he once had in his eyes. What happened to the Nile that kissed me earlier or was that all just an act.

    “Alright before we have another Autumn and Nile throw-down can we please move onto the next question??” Adam asked nervously, I rolled my eyes, bent down to grab the glass from the ground and shot up from the couch and stormed out of the living room. I was livid, why was he acting like such an asshole? 

    “Autumn??” I didn’t bother turning around, I raced into the kitchen as Roxy followed me. I slammed the wine glass onto the counter, surprisingly it didn’t break. Deep heavy breaths escaped my lips and I gripped onto the edge of the counter.

    “What the hell was that all about?” Roxy hissed in a whisper, I licked my lips and shrugged honestly not knowing why he was acting like that towards me. Roxy broke into a laugh and she shook her head at me.

    “Nile hasn’t been that jealous since the fourth grade when Adam found a new best friend. Of course Nile shoved a crayon up that dude's nose” Roxy responded and I chuckled shaking my head in denial. There was no way NIle was jealous, he was the one that had some girl sitting in his lap! 

    “I could literally cut the s****l tension with a knife. Autumn, what are you not telling me?” Roxy inched closer to me, After everything that's happened between me and NIle, I haven’t told a single soul, and Roxy was the person I was closest to. With my silence Roxy’s eyes widened and a smirk grew on her lips until her teeth showed.

    “We kissed a few times, one of those times was like an hour ago..” I said faintly, and that sent Roxy’s jaw to the floor. She looked away from me with wide eyes that practically came out of her head. 

    “What?” She asked in a surprised manner. My face heated up embarrassment, but I was relieved about telling someone. Roxy brought her eyes back to me. I nodded my head gently and let out a tremendous sigh

    "There is so much I need to tell you.." I relaxed as I ran my hands over my face. I was overwhelmed and my complicated feelings for Nile didn't help at all. Roxy placed her hand on my back and stroked it. 

    "We'll talk once everyone is gone okay?" Roxy pulled me into a hug and I nodded wrapping my arms around her. That's all I wanted to do, was to talk. After calming myself down, Me and Roxy walked back into the living room hand in hand and we crashed down onto the couch. The others had continued their game and I kept my eyes off of Nile. Me and Roxy had indulged in a private conversation about Stella, she made a few crude jokes which made the both of us laugh hysterically. I was comfortable with Roxy and even though we had a rough patch, I had grown to really like her, it was like she was my other half. We kept our conversation in a hushed tone and it seemed to get a rise out of one person. 

    "Freak.." The way she said it was nasty and cold, me and Roxy pulled away from each other's grasps and looked at Maddie who had just taken a shot of vodka. Suddenly she had a problem with me too? 

    "What game are we playing?" Roxy asked Adam, but instead of letting him answer Maddie crossed her arms and shot an intense look at me.

    "Truth or Dare.." She responded fiercely, Roxy leaned over to whisper in my ear.

    "How original" she joked sarcastically, I laughed gently and focused on the group. Maddie looked at Stella who still had comfortably in Nile's lap. The two had exchanged some kind of look before looking back at me. 

    "Truth or Dare Autumn" Stella asked me, I didn't trust the pair at all. If I were to choose dare, they would've humiliated me in the worst way so I went the safest route. 

    "Truth" I said with a bit of a smile on my face. Stella brought a wine glass up to her lips and sipped slowly before a devilish grin appeared on her face. 

    "Is it true that you got away with vehicular manslaughter after killing your sister?"